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Original poster

About dh's 'lie'

82 replies

MissEliza · 03/05/2017 20:48

I'll try not to give too long a background story. Dh and I have been together for almost 25 years. He isn't British and I don't live close to my family. He travels a LOT for work . Both sets of parents come to visit a couple of times a year and his tend to stay for quite a while. Dh usually goes back home once a year in addition to the times we go as a family (at least once a year). On top of all this, he and his friends get together for a boys weekend every 3 to 4 months. They are religious about this and their WhatsApp group is actually called 'Boyz Weekend'.
After several years of this lifestyle, I'm getting tired of it. I feel we don't get much normal family time or couple time. For example, there was a three week period in March when we spent three days together. Last month, he went back to his home country for a week and squeezed in a fishing trip with his mates for a couple of days. When he came back from this trip, he informed me he'd have to go to a certain city in Europe for a couple of days for meetings. I was a bit surprised because I'm used to his pattern of travel and he's never had to go to this city for work before. However he and and his friends like going there for boys' weekends. When he returned he seemed in a very good mood but hungover. He said there'd been a big night out for work. I

OP posts:
Naicehamshop · 03/05/2017 21:37

Suggest you go away with friends for a "girls" weekend while he stays at home and looks after the dc.

He is a twat.

Mrsmadevans · 03/05/2017 21:38

I would be glad to get rid of the immature idiot to his darling fwends , wth are you are doing with him I don't know , he's damn lucky to have you !

SafeWord · 03/05/2017 21:39

Do you get girlz weekends?

heron98 · 03/05/2017 21:40

It's shit he lied but you do sound a bit controlling. You can't dictate if he can see his friends or not.

Olddear · 03/05/2017 21:41

Why don't you go away with the 'girlz?'

JaneEyre70 · 03/05/2017 21:41

I'd arrange for him to have the children for a long weekend so he gets an idea of your life when he's not around.

Orangetoffee · 03/05/2017 21:43

He and his boyz are clearly more important than you and the kids.

Original poster
MissEliza · 03/05/2017 21:52

Heron I'm not controlling and I don't want to stop him going. I've known him for twenty five years and I've never tried to stop him. I hate women like that. I will confess that I did say I wasn't happy about him going once last summer when my mum was very poorly and her condition was unstable as I was concerned if she'd got worse, I'd have to wait for him to return. He still went off with his friends . As I'm writing this, I realise he does sound shitty which is a bit unfair as he did help look after my mum when she returned home but facts are facts.

OP posts:
SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 21:54

I don't really understand why you think he is lying? New business happens in areas all the team, it can be new areas, it can be old areas. Do you have other reasons that have made you think he's dishonest that have occurred prior to this?

We travel for work - we both mix work travel with socialising with friends and seeing the sights. Nothing wrong with it at all. I don't really see how meeting your mates for a night out after a work trip is a big deal.

Neither do I see that doing so after a boys trip away is a big deal, but clearly to you it is - perhaps that why he didn't tell you?

OliviaBenson · 03/05/2017 22:00

Its extremely disrespectful. And his way of making it up to you is just lip service really.

You should go somewhere yourself for at least a week and have a think about what you want. He needs to realise how serious this is.

Redblankets · 03/05/2017 22:02

I understand why you think he's lying OP, it's perfectly obvious to anyone reading your OP properlyConfused
I wouldn't be happy with the lack of support and prioritising his friends & social life over his wife and children. I wouldn't want to go away for a weekend with him either, his actions speak volumes. IMO this is the sort of selfish behaviour that kills spousal love and respect.

SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 22:05

No it's not obvious form reading the OP, at all. OP says she's bored of the way their life is even though it's been like this for years- it actually comes across as though she maybe is looking for excuses.

Sounds like he's shit scared to tell her he was going out with friends for a night whilst on a work trip - why?

Also the fact she's using "squeezed" in a fishing trip whilst he's at home - who would need to do that? Surely any partner appreciates their loved one spending time with their family and friends three to four times a year?

scootinFun · 03/05/2017 22:09

I'd be bloody annoyed op as his boys time comes at your expense. Maybe he and the teens need to head off together so you can have some peace and quiet. Sounds like he values friends over your relationship or at least imagines you'll always be there. You need to talk and lock in time for you and also family time

Redblankets · 03/05/2017 22:17

Sexual-really?

The OP quite clearly describes how she's becoming tired of her DH being away all the time; be that through his work, his minimum 3-4 trips away with the boyz, his solo trips to his homeland. In sum a lot of time when the DH is not there!

What comes across loudly from the OP is she feels unsupported & I think it sounds very lonely for her.

SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 22:19

You can't just expect someone to stop travelling for work, give up going to see their family abroad or stop socialising with their friends.

Sorry. Perhaps if she didn't want someone who travelled solo to see his parents abroad (and it sounds like she also travels to see hers) then she should have married someone with in laws down the street.

Original poster
MissEliza · 03/05/2017 22:20

Just to be clear, he admits he lied. He had told me he'd had a dinner with colleagues from his company on Wednesday and on Thursday a heavy night out with technical people from a company they do business with. He told me this when he came home and he repeated the story again when at a BBQ at our neighbours on Saturday night. It turns out he was with his friends both nights but says he had a meeting on Thursday in that city. I'm wondering if he's done this before.

OP posts:
SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 22:21

Why did he lie to you in the first place though?

Why didn't he just say that he was going on a work trip and had met friends in the evenings? I don't understand why you would care if he had done that - it's a much better alternative to sitting in a hotel room alone for him.

Whisky2014 · 03/05/2017 22:23

I'm sure he will have done it before. You can't trust this man. Funny how he wants to take you away to make it up...no offer of looking after kids and letting you got away with friends for a few days while he picks up the slack. Wants his parents to do it. Useless, pathetic man

Whisky2014 · 03/05/2017 22:26

Sexual...because he knows he is away too much and the op wouldn't ve happy with him? Never being there to help with kids, going on boys weekends. Ffs it's real life now not Carlsbergs "how to" guide on life.

pinkiponk · 03/05/2017 22:29

You need some time to indulge in your hobbies/social life, have a girly weekend away etc, and redress the balance. Leave him to do it all for once.
My DH is excellent at encouraging me to take work trips abroad (sometimes they're voluntary and help my career) and he is home alone covering the domestics and child care. I've also been on a girly weekend away in Europe. I then don't resent it when he wants to go.
At the moment your husband is being incredibly selfish, entitled and by the sounds of it immature.

SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 22:30

So when he's away with work he should sit in a hotel room rather than go out with mates in the evenings after a meeting?

Original poster
MissEliza · 03/05/2017 22:33

If he'd have told me his friends were going to be there, I would have said 'oh yeah? How convenient' and moved on. It's not the first time he and his friends have arranged work to be in the same place at the same time.
He was such a good liar the other day about his work night out, I wonder how often he's done it in the past. I only smelled a rat because he hates socialising with work people and he seemed to have had a really good time!

OP posts:
Original poster
MissEliza · 03/05/2017 22:37

Travelling with work can be lonely. I know he looks up friends or colleagues in different places and goes out with them. No problem. The problem is deceiving me. He went into such detail about his night out I'm so pissed off.
Anyway thanks MN for letting me get this off my chest. I don't want to tell anyone in RL.

OP posts:
Bleurghghghgh · 03/05/2017 22:39

Oh stop with the ridiculous cool wife spiel, sexual, it's incredibly dull.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 03/05/2017 22:41

I would just ignore Sexual, it's probably your husband in disguise.

You're not wrong for wanting to be in a partnership, he made those children with you, he should be doing half the work in raising them. He promised to be your partner when you married him, he is not being a partner, you get no support at all.

your DH posters above seem to think he can take take take, see his friends whenever he likes, and not live up to his obligations. I'm sure he'd be happy if you were only home for 3 days throughout the whole of May though wouldn't he...

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