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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - dog attack :-(

128 replies

anonymoosy · 01/05/2017 19:38

Sorry this is long, but I’m honestly feeling traumatised. I don’t usually get this upset and I need some help with advice and whether I was BU.

We’ve been a bit stir-crazy this weekend due to having to stay in the house for various reasons, so I suggested a big family walk with the dog today, somewhere we haven’t been before (Nat Trust).
We’re about 15mins into the walk, having a nice time, dog on a lead (as he always is – no recall) and bumping along with other families and dogs. So far, so nice.
Our dog is a knee-size fluffy family pet. Walking down the path I see another similar size dog, continue walking past as normal, and the dog runs over to ours and I see it is on a lead, but one of those long retractable leads that hasn’t been pulled in, so essentially, it’s not under any kind of control. It bounds up to ours and then goes snarling straight for him – straight for his neck and no messing around. It’s a Staffie and I admit, I freeze because I’m terrified if I pull, I’ll injure my dog and DC are watching and I shout for my husband to get them apart and want to go and get the children away. But I’ve frozen.
Thank god our dog has ridiculously thick fur, and bless him he stood his ground as much as he could without getting into the fight, just trying to get away.
People were standing around watching and from the other family, the dad and my DH jumped in to separate them and untangle the leads. I thought my dog was a goner.

Ok – so here’s my bit. I’m horrified because I froze then completely snapped, lost my temper and shouted at the dog and then the man to ‘get your dog of my dog’ and then something utterly ridiculous like ‘how dare you let your dog attack my dog’ – I was so scared and panicking and felt so fecking helpless I was angrier than I’ve ever been before. I was volcanic.
I could hear him and my DH being reasonably calm once they had got the dogs apart, and he was saying ‘he’s never done this before’.
I said something like ‘you should keep your dog under control’ but then his wife said ‘ I told you to keep walking on’. I think it was the adrenaline, but I’m completely not usually like this, but I squared up to her as I thought this was completely rude – and shouted ‘how could I? Your dog had a hold of my dog’. She then made out it wouldn’t have happened if I moved on. I was fuming that she could even suggest it was my fault. I might have shouted something like ‘how dare you tell me what I should do – your dog attacked mine’.
My DH guided me away and told me the man had apologised, and then the other man then shouted at me ‘look, I’ve said twice I was sorry.’
I calmed down a bit and said a very angry thank you, but that was not what his wife was saying, but DH pulled me on and I knew it was better if I just walked on as I didn’t want the children to see all of this.
Thankfully my doggy is okay, and further down the track (I was in tears) the man shouted to ask if our dog was okay.
I powered on. But it was so horrible, and I was scared the DCs were about to be bitten or see their dog ripped to pieces, added to the fact people were staring at me crying, I feel totally and utterly traumatised. I’m also angry that DH made me walk on when I frankly wanted to read the riot act to the woman, I can’t get past feeling upset. I now feel completely traumatised and keep bursting into tears and getting angry. I can’t believe I turned shouty and angry – it’s not like me AT ALL.
How do I get past this? I feel like I never want to be around other dogs again. Has this happened to you and how did you deal with it? It scares me that if I was on my own I'd have struggled to act.

AIBU to have had an angry shouty reaction like this and what can I do now? I'm fine and then it all keeps making me get cross/cry.

OP posts:
MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 02/05/2017 23:21

Sleep you are patronising and ridiculous. Nobody would be able to remain calm and rational in that position. If it looks as though your dog is about to have its throat ripped out you're simply not going to piss about. You're going to react. It is very traumatic witnessing something like that and you are presumptuous to say the least in dictating to the Op how she deals with trauma. And for the record it is now an offence to have a dog dangerously out of control. If you even feel threatened by a dog you are entitled to report it. That rule wasn't brought into being for no reason.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 02/05/2017 23:32

And yet, I will point out once again for the comprehensively challenged MsAdorabelle, the OP's husband remained calm and handled the situation with dignity? So again, is he superhuman?

Let's break this down, OP's husband and other man with dog on lead sorted out scuffle between them. Once settled, OP tries to start fight with woman in front of her children and has to be led away by husband? I suggest this is in fact unreasonable behaviour on her part.

Chestnut, this time it's "your", not you're. You're = you are. HTH

Oh, and Desperate, if you have no answer beyond an insult, you lose.

fannydaggerz · 02/05/2017 23:46

You were restrained. I would have went berserk.

Guepe · 03/05/2017 01:20

What kind of dog has locking jaws ffs? Grin

KarmaNoMore · 03/05/2017 01:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Guepe · 03/05/2017 01:53

No they don't.

Hidingtonothing · 03/05/2017 01:55

No Karma, physiologically there is no difference between a staff or pitbulls' jaw and any other breed. They are stubborn, tenacious dogs and can refuse to let go but their jaws do not lock.

ChestyNut · 03/05/2017 06:55

sleep you make yourself look ridiculous when you resort to picking up on posters grammar and spelling. It's Mumsnet not a dissertation Biscuit

MetalMidget · 03/05/2017 07:23

Aww, sorry to hear about your dog being attacked, and it's understandable why you flew off the handle - you and your family (especially the dog) had a nasty scare. If it makes it you feel any better, I once started screaming and booted an alsatian (off lead, no owner in sight) who attacked our dog (on a short lead). Fortunately it took the hint and sulked off.

Keep an eye on your dog if he's fluffy - our dog has long black hair, which hid the fact his skin had been slightly broken by the bite. It got mildly infected a week later, and cost £80 in vet's fees.

(This was years ago, he's absolutely fine and not traumatised, although he's slightly warier about bigger dogs off lead now.)

Desperateforsleepzzzz · 03/05/2017 07:47

Oh I lost 🙄 I am one of those nutters I'm afraid who views my dog as part of the family not just an animal. So calm isn't always possible when another dog has yours by the neck, not for me anyhow. People who stay calm aren't superhuman no, just different personalities, sadly I'm not one of them. The woman in question does sound slightly inflammatory "I told you to walk on" , if she knew her dog was aggressive it's her duty to divert it. I walk a dog aggressive dog for a friend occasionally, it's always muzzled and if I see a dog approaching I shorten the lead and hold it facing the other way.

LadyPW · 03/05/2017 08:21

if I see a dog approaching I shorten the lead and hold it facing the other way.
By shortening the lead you're actually risking making the dog more aggressive because it feels like it can't get away if provoked. That's why dogs on leads can be arsey with dogs off-lead - lack of ability to get away.

Desperateforsleepzzzz · 03/05/2017 08:32

I'm no dog expert I just walk it occasionally for a friend, he's a rescue and I have a certain sympathy for owners of reactive dogs. It's not a nice experience he's very reactive lunging barking etc so if there's little room I find it easier to face him away rather than terrify the other dog and owners.

Veterinari · 03/05/2017 08:34

It does sound as if you've had a fright OP (not actually sure if you're still here?!?) but I am wondering how much of an attack it really was? I've not rtft, but you say your dog was not injured so at the most this was a bit of a growl/scuffle rather than an attack, and whilst a bit of a shock for you it is completely normal dog behaviour to do this to prevent the escalation of behaviour into a fight/injury.

From what you've said it sounds as if you're quite anxious and unfamiliar with dog behaviour. Absolutely the other dog was 'rude' but it wasn't an attack - if it was and there was intent, your dog would have been injured.

It does seem as if you overreacted and screaming and shouting whilst your DH remained calm doesn't really help him, your DC or your dog. Perhaps spending more time with other dogs or training your own dog better to improve recall might help your confidence?

User627938362 · 03/05/2017 08:43

You were restrained. A dog came running up to my 3 year old daughter once snarling and growling and trying to bite her ankles. I booted the little fucker right in the face. It didn't come back for more. Anyway the owner came up shouting and screaming at me and I just said get yourself and your dog away from me before i kill the little bastard and put you in hospital. Obviously not how you should behave in front of a child but I can see how you can lose it.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 03/05/2017 08:49

Ooo, a biscuit, thank you Chestynut, nomnomnom!

What you appear to be missing though is that the OP did not threaten the woman amid the action. OP's husband calmed the whole thing down, separated the twisted leads, other owner apologised, nothing to see. Job done.

Yes, had the OP not stood stock still and shouted for her husband, had she in fact, "walked on" then her dog would not have stayed getting mouthed (I'm guessing next it would've been mounted, which dominant dogs of either sex do, if her husband hadn't sorted it out).

However, what happened is husband sorted it out, owner apologised, then OP lost her shit and tried to start a fight with woman who wasn't even holding lead (so not her fault) and also in front of children. This behaviour IS unreasonable!!! Understandable maybe, but no, not reasonable in any way whatsoever.

OP it is not okay to start fights because you don't like the advice someone offered you, it is never okay. Even if your dog had been wounded, what would decking a bystander achieve? You know you showed yourself up in front of your kids, and now your husband is bemused by your behaviour. Suggest you stop listening to the enablers on here and go with your gut instinct, which is why you put this thread up is it not?

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 05/05/2017 14:32

Aww, Sleep, you killed the thread. The Op has obviously had enough. Do bore off.

Was that comprehensive enough for you?

LadyPW · 05/05/2017 15:00

A dog came running up to my 3 year old daughter once snarling and growling and trying to bite her ankles. I booted the little fucker right in the face. It didn't come back for more. Anyway the owner came up shouting and screaming at me and I just said get yourself and your dog away from me before i kill the little bastard and put you in hospital. Obviously not how you should behave in front of a child but I can see how you can lose it.
Presumably if a 3 year old comes running up to my dog screaming and shouting and trying to grab her it's equally acceptable for me to boot that "little fucker" in the face is it?

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 05/05/2017 15:05

I think you were very restrained.
A staffie killed my dog and it haunts me to this day. I'm usually very mild mannered by I lost my shit.

carefreeeee · 05/05/2017 15:23

Dogs do these things and it's not always the owners' fault. They are animals and are unpredictable. It doesn't mean a child would have been at risk. It does sound like you over reacted a bit, the other owners did try to separate the dogs and apologise so that seems fair enough really. It would probably have been better to have remained calm, and told the woman sternly to keep her dog under control. Seeing their mum upset is going to be far more of a problem for your kids than seeing their dog getting a bite. Moreover you would then be able to act calmly and quickly if anything needed to be done (pulling your dog away etc). If your dog had been seriously injured, a calm and clear headed owner can save their life whereas someone that's weeping and wailing and going hysterical just delays matters.

On the other hand you can't control how you will respond in any situation. And the woman's reaction sounds unreasonable

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 05/05/2017 18:24

Killed the thread Adorabelle? Try, "read" the thread, seeing as I'm one of the very few who actually seemed to read and comprehend the situation the OP described rather than just see it as an opportunity to tell my own dog attack story then add a few "well done Hun" platitudes.

Aside from the OP's husband's actions, nothing was "well done". She handled the situation in the worst way (short of decking the other woman, and I guess she's scarpered because I asked if this woman was an OAP or another mother with kids and perhaps the answer escalates how very, very, unreasonable her behaviour actually was), making it far more traumatic for her kids, dog and husband.

Next time, instead of making the thread all about you Adorabelle, why not try actually reading it?

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 05/05/2017 21:29

Gosh you are prickly aren't you? I have read the thread. I have a bit of sympathy for the Op too. It's very frightening when it happens to you, lots of people have confirmed that. Sorry we don't have your balls of steel.

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/05/2017 02:48

You don't have to have balls of steel to refrain from responding in an aggressive manner. It can be a huge surprise when you first get caught out and find yourself responding poorly, but comments along the lines of "you were really restrained" are clearly untrue and encourage the idea that people don't need to be responsible for their reactions in difficult situations. It's not OK to loose your temper in a situation like that. It's dangerous and spectacularly unhelpful. It's also not at all necessary - as her husband demonstrated. It seems though that many people have made that mistake and rather than trying to work out how to respond better in the future, look instead to justify their behaviour by congratulating the OP on handling things as badly as they have.

KarmaNoMore · 08/05/2017 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jaxhog · 08/05/2017 18:48

YANBU. I would have lost it too. Maybe not helpful, but completely understandable. Then I would have called the police. A dog that attacks another dog needs to be off the street, or at least muzzled and under control. Staffies are lovely dogs, but they are dangerous if they bite. And a dog that bites once will bite again.

Siwdmae · 08/05/2017 19:07

You were upset and frankly very restrained! I went ballistic the last time an out of control dog jumped on mine. The owner tried to tell me to walk elsewhere, I'd been going there years with no issues, my dog was on a lead, hers wasn't.

Don't sweat it, at least now that owner will avoid you!

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