Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh won't drive to the shop

105 replies

GreenHairDontCare · 01/05/2017 11:07

To get stuff for a roast dinner. He said we can all walk down (takes about an hour there and back) and make it a nice dog walk with the kids. I don't drive or I'd have gone myself, and the buses are rubbish today.

But about five minutes ago he had a brainwave about making cheese scones. And now he's going to drive to the shop to get the buttermilk (and the roast stuff).

His logic (?) is that making the scones is a family activity so it negates the need to make the trip to the shop a family activity.

I've told him he's being weird. I mean, I'm happy not to have to leave the house and everything, but I just don't get the so called logic.

It's not me, is it? I'm laughing at him and he's looking at me like I'm mad.

OP posts:
Original poster
GreenHairDontCare · 01/05/2017 12:20

It's the pits, isn't it? I love driving.

I've slightly shot myself in the foot now because it turns out we don't need buttermilk in cheese scones, and we have everything else. But I'm still making him drive down for the roast stuff.

Oh and he would have driven me anyway if I'd really wanted, he's not an ogre Grin

OP posts:
EastMidsMummy · 01/05/2017 12:22

'just learn to drive'..... takes no account of finances (driving lessons are expensive), health, ability etc.

This is the kind of red herring that we see a lot of on Mumsnet.

Most people are healthy enough to drive, including many people with disabilities. It's not unreasonable to assume that, unless a poster says otherwise, there are no health barriers to driving.

You could counter all of the suggestions on here with similar red herrings. "Tell him to look up a recipe." Why are you assumingg the OP's husband can read? "I would have looked up the bus timetable." What if the OP has learning difficulties or becomes anxious on public transport??

Also, there's no need to pay for driving lessons. She has a husband who can drive and a car. (Obvs, we've now learned that she doesn't need lessons anyway...)

Armadillostoes · 01/05/2017 12:24

EastMids-Can you genuinely not see why your response is both unhelpful and insensitive? If you meant your original post in a helpful way, you could have been less brief and sounded less judgemental

But however you meant it, it wasn't very sensitive. Lots of people who can't drive have no desire to explain why. If your intention is to be helpful, why not take o board the feedback you are getting?

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2017 12:31

EastMids, surely you don't think anyone is ever going to say, "OMG thank you so much for that advice. I literally never thought about learning to drive"? Confused

PhyllisNights · 01/05/2017 12:35

Perhaps he likes exercise?

Having said that, no good walking back from the shop for an hour with shopping for a roast dinner. It cools spool the food & roast dinners take long enough to cook as it is.

LemonCurdles · 01/05/2017 12:37

yanbu I agree it's an odd logic, but it seems light-hearted so enjoy your scones and roast Smile

I don't drive atm either and I find the "learn to drive" comments patronising.

dontbesillyhenry · 01/05/2017 12:38

I think the OP should learn to drive really.

JOKE Grin

SauvignonBlanche · 01/05/2017 12:39

Being disqualified from driving on medical grounds is bad enough, the loss of independence, lack of spontaneity, without thoughtless comments.

I once mentioned "losing my licence" on MN and, given my Username, you can imagine the reaction I got. Wink

I hated being unable to drive, and was perfectly able to do so according to my neurosurgeon but not according to the DVLA who are still 'assessing my case' even though my 1 year license expired in October!Angry Stupid 'learn to drive comments really aren't helpful.

Your DH sounds lovely OP, I can see his train of thought. I would say YABU but, in your circumstances, you're allowed to be. Smile

TheKitchenWitch · 01/05/2017 12:44

Isn't it a bit late by mid morning to be going out shopping for a roast you're planning on having today? Unless it was an evening meal. What were you actually planning to eat?

Original poster
GreenHairDontCare · 01/05/2017 12:45

We're in the car now. I'll get whatever's on offer, and we'll eat around 6.30-7.

OP posts:
Original poster
GreenHairDontCare · 01/05/2017 12:46

If it's pork or lamb I'll slow cook it, if it's chicken then it only takes an hour and a half anyway.

OP posts:
alonsypot · 01/05/2017 12:47

Have you thought about learning to drive?

alonsypot · 01/05/2017 12:47
Grin
PhyllisNights · 01/05/2017 12:47

After all that, I'd stick loads of expensive things in the trolley and make him pay.

viques · 01/05/2017 12:49

Mm mm,cheese scones. home made soup, cheese scones, warm from the oven, butter melting on them....... Mmmmmmmm

Inertia · 01/05/2017 12:53

While I understand the logic, I would be a bit pissed off with the notion that he gets to decide what everyone has to do according to his whims.

Socksey · 01/05/2017 12:54

I'll admit that turning this kind of thing into a family activity drives me nuts.... I needed to to to the shop for 3 things yesterday... so less than 5 mins in the shop with a 10 min drive each way.... DH insisted on coming ( to get out of the house) so i had to wait for him and DS to get ready.... then in the shop had to round them up when i wanted to pay and then hang around to go to the car.... so my quick 25 mins turned into an hour of wasted time...

Raggydolly3 · 01/05/2017 12:56

I hate it when I see the learn to drive comments.
I can drive but I have seizures so had my license taken away
It's the same as being told to smile when you look miserable (I mean God forbid there is actually a reason for it)

Can posters just think a bit before posting and maybe think there may just be a reason and it's not as simple as "learn to drive"

YetAnotherSpartacus · 01/05/2017 13:01

Dear DH, but if we don't walk our poor oppressed doggie does not get his/her walkies ...

melj1213 · 01/05/2017 13:02

I'll admit that turning this kind of thing into a family activity drives me nuts....

Me too, but that's because I work in the supermarket and the amount of chaos entire families can cause, by trying to make it a "fun day out" rather than a necessary chore to be done as quickly and painlessly as possible, is colossal!

I am a single parent so sometimes I have to take DD8 when I do the weekly shop (though I try to do it when I have a late shift when she's at her dad's to avoid it!) and it always seems more stressful than when I can whizz round on my own.

SauvignonBlanche · 01/05/2017 13:03

Can posters just think a bit before posting Grin

Steady on Raggydolly3, you'll be expecting people to read a thread before posting next. Wink

user1471548375 · 01/05/2017 13:04

I'm assuming that there's time to either walk to the shops, or drive to the shops AND make scones. He'd prefer to make the scones. Sweet enough but that level of faff would annoy me too OP. I'd probably keep my mouth shut though as it's making him happy.

@ EastMidsMummy you are making me lol. You got called out for derailing. Accept it and move on - whether the OP can drive or not is immaterial to the actual question posed, nor should she be expected to provide a full explanation every time it comes up because of pernickity people like you.

EastMidsMummy · 01/05/2017 13:05

No-one's asking for your medical history. "I'm not allowed to drive right now" would cover it.

alonsypot · 01/05/2017 13:07

But why should she have to justify it?!

EastMidsMummy · 01/05/2017 13:08

She's not justifying it, she's explaining it.