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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh won't drive to the shop

105 replies

GreenHairDontCare · 01/05/2017 11:07

To get stuff for a roast dinner. He said we can all walk down (takes about an hour there and back) and make it a nice dog walk with the kids. I don't drive or I'd have gone myself, and the buses are rubbish today.

But about five minutes ago he had a brainwave about making cheese scones. And now he's going to drive to the shop to get the buttermilk (and the roast stuff).

His logic (?) is that making the scones is a family activity so it negates the need to make the trip to the shop a family activity.

I've told him he's being weird. I mean, I'm happy not to have to leave the house and everything, but I just don't get the so called logic.

It's not me, is it? I'm laughing at him and he's looking at me like I'm mad.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/05/2017 11:35

There are far too many really bad drivers on the road as it is, without "learn to drive" being suggested to every Tom, Dick and Harry.

I know people who say driving actually terrifies them, but they feel they have to do it.

That ^^ actually terrifies me!

Nanny0gg · 01/05/2017 11:35

I can't believe people think the OP should faff about on Bank Holiday buses when her DH could pop down in the car. And why would you want to go on a family trip with the dog to get the dinner items and then carry them back?
Especially as I assume the OP will be doing the cooking.

What a faff!

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2017 11:37

I meant she should plan a bus journey if her DH won't/doesn't want to drive to the shop for her.

But given she lives in a village, I can see why that's not really possible.

Original poster
GreenHairDontCare · 01/05/2017 11:39

Exactly! I said about getting a roast and he said, oh I don't really want to drive down there, let's get everyone out and we'll make it a nice walk.

And then half an hour later he decides on scone making and says he'll drive to the shop.

It makey no sensey to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
GreenHairDontCare · 01/05/2017 11:40

He is an arch faffer though so I can see the appeal for him.

I'm more about the instant gratification.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/05/2017 11:41

Next time, suggest making a roast as a family activity Grin

LagunaBubbles · 01/05/2017 11:44

OP: "I can drive but I can't just now for medical reasons"

Posters: "Is there a specific reason you can't drive"....

AnnieAnoniMouse · 01/05/2017 11:49

He'd drive me up the bloody pole 😂

Tell him to look up a recipe & the instructions for the mixer. FFS HE is the one wanting to faff about making scones.

...but perhaps he thinks you should find this a 'Fun And Exciting Family Activity'. Almost, but not quite, as thrilling as a Family Walk And Supermarket Shop.

.....gahhhhhhhhh

I hope you can get your licence & freedom back soon 💐 In the meantime can you cycle?

Gabilan · 01/05/2017 11:51

'Oh, ok, but I thought you wanted a family walk' 'yes but we don't have to now as we can do family baking'

Makes perfect sense to me. Planned one family activity. Changed mind. Decided on another family activity. It's all family time and that's what he wanted.

In situations like that I will quite often plan it so I can walk there, shop and then bus back. With rural bus times it does take some planning but it means you get a pleasant walk there and don't have too far to carry stuff back.

Original poster
GreenHairDontCare · 01/05/2017 11:52

Technically I could cycle. I do own a bike that I've ridden once in ten years.

I do a lot of walking these days so it's not all bad.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 01/05/2017 11:52

I actually agree with his logic....

EastMidsMummy · 01/05/2017 11:52

Every bleeding thread when someone doesn't (or can't in this case) drive posters jump in with that comment. Every. Fucking. Time.

Yes, because it's the obvious answer when someone says they don't drive. If you can't drive, permanently or temporarily, then say so.

Original poster
GreenHairDontCare · 01/05/2017 11:54

It makes more sense to me to say I don't drive. Because I can, as in I know how to. I just don't because I don't have a valid licence.

OP posts:
Siwdmae · 01/05/2017 11:54

Much more fun to go out somewhere nice for roast or a decent country walk.

RedSkyAtNight · 01/05/2017 11:59

There's also the point that getting the stuff for a walk is a reasonably small amount of stuff. If you start having to get more bits (e.g. for scones) it gets to the point where you have too many things to sensibly lug home.

I can't see why an hour's round trip to the shop is an issue - we would always walk similar distance to the supermarket if we only had a few things to get - we're a family that try not to use the car!

Rdoo · 01/05/2017 11:59

Yes, because it's the obvious answer when someone says they don't drive. If you can't drive, permanently or temporarily, then say so.
So if the Op couldn't drive your advise in this situation woukd be to learn to drive? Let's just assume the op hadn't already thought of that Hmm how would that help her today?

Flyinggeese · 01/05/2017 11:59

Anyway OP, what will you have with the cheese scones? Your house sounds fun and I love the software engineer joke!

Biggreygoose · 01/05/2017 12:00

The logic makes perfect sense.

Original poster
GreenHairDontCare · 01/05/2017 12:01

The walk wasn't an issue. Other than me being a bit lazy. We do it frequently.

I'm having just butter in my scones. DD wants ham. The others are as yet undecided. I will of course update you.

OP posts:
Flyinggeese · 01/05/2017 12:04

😀

Aderyn2016 · 01/05/2017 12:06

I'm not really seeing this as sweet. He will say no to you, but will do it when he wants something. I think refusing to drive when the other person cannot and buses are sporadic, is a bit shitty tbh.

Agree that 'just learn to drive' doesn't help a poster right in that moment and takes no account of finances (driving lessons are expensive), health, ability etc.

EastMidsMummy · 01/05/2017 12:07

So if the Op couldn't drive your advise in this situation woukd be to learn to drive? Let's just assume the op hadn't already thought of that hmm how would that help her today?

She's not asking for advice for today. She's asking if she's being unreasonable to find her husband's attitude illogical.

I am suggesting that relying on one driver in a family ( especially if you live in the country) means his attitude is understandable. Learning to drive would completely change (improve!) that dynamic. There are plenty of women (on here or elsewhere) who allow themselves to accept that they 'don't drive' resulting in a lack of independence.

StickyProblem · 01/05/2017 12:07

I have similar frustration with DP sometimes - he likes to make a chore into a "fun" activity, like "let's all go to the supermarket and have a tea and cake too". NO. Just get some feckin milk and bread, or I will. Don't spin it out for hours!

TiredMumToTwo · 01/05/2017 12:08

I'd love a DH who could make cheese scones, in fact I'm sure mine could - you've inspired me for a family activity after the cinema :-)

StressheadMcGee · 01/05/2017 12:18

If he's not already found a recipe, this is my favourite (and currently in the oven) allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/30153/cheese--chilli-and-onion-scones.aspx

I'm medically disqualified too, and it's driving me nuts, if you'll excuse the pun. Especially when people assume that I can't be bothered to learn.