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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

13 reasons why - my 13 years old ds wants to watch it - I'm going to let him I think

87 replies

Thetitisright · 30/04/2017 22:09

Unreasonable ? He is a pretty mature lad !

OP posts:

Rugratstruggles · 30/04/2017 22:12

There was another post about this recently

Read the reviews, a particularly graphic rape scene and non hidden suicide scene (cutting wrists).

user1493479063 · 30/04/2017 22:13

The overall premise is really good but personally I found some of the storyline techniques clumsy considering the subject manner.

In my opinion the ending frames her suicide as revenge instead of reaction to what happened to her which seems to glorify self harm.

However for teenage boys there are excellent lessons about consent and sexual bullying which i think would be useful.

nakedandconcerned · 30/04/2017 22:15

I wouldn't. It's very graphic and I'm not sure it sends a good message about mental health and suicide if I'm honest.

stella23 · 30/04/2017 22:16

I dint think he should watch it in own, maybe watch the last 2 episodes as they are the most graphic. It's all a bit teenaged angst.

TheSecondOfHerName · 30/04/2017 22:16

Watch it yourself first, before deciding.

RitaMills · 30/04/2017 22:17

I wouldn't, too graphic with rape and a graphic suicide. I loved it but it was sad and I can imagine that if you're young and impressionable it might influence if they are already thinking thoughts like that.

Annie592 · 30/04/2017 22:19

I think 13 might be a bit young- definitely watch the last few yourself as a few others have said. The scene where she cuts her wrists is very graphic, I know if I'd watched that as a 13 year old it would have really really upset me.

stella23 · 30/04/2017 22:20

In my opinion the ending frames her suicide as revenge instead of reaction to what happened to her which seems to glorify self harm.

This^

It almost comes across as a 'I'll prove you wrong, you're miss me when I'm gone.'

But I think it's interesting that it touches on that fact that she doesn't just commit sucide because of what others have done to her but also because of some of her own actions aswell, and how she reacted to some situations and regretted that later

Whathaveilost · 30/04/2017 22:27

Quite a few of the young teenagers that I work with have been telling me about this. They have found it incredibly moving and nearly all of them have said the cried at he end. They were all girls though, I dont know any lads that age that have seen it. My 20 year old and 17 year old sons have watched and they said 'enjoyed' is perhaps the wrong word to use but they did like the series.

I have yet to see it.

firstnightwemet · 30/04/2017 22:28

Spoiler alerts. Thanks.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 30/04/2017 22:30

Dd (13) was telling me all her female friends are "raving" about it. She hasn't watched it yet, but probably will. One of my 17 yr old male students told me he thought it was amazing (if that's the right word)

RitaMills · 30/04/2017 22:34

I cried at the end as well, it's not exactly feel good viewing, I think as a parent it taps into one of your biggest fears, the scene the parents find her I found horrific. Although it is an 18 I felt the intention was to aim it at younger teens, take out the suicide and rape and it could have been any other high school teen show.

SmallBee · 30/04/2017 22:39

It's a very hard watch, and I say that as a 33 year old without teenagers. There is a scene in the last episode I couldn't watch and I'm not squeamish.
Before letting him watch maybe view it yourself.
Make sure he watches the documentary afterwards which talks more in depth about issues.
Make sure he's not being bullied or would find this triggering, if he does/would then make sure he has access to someone to talk to.

VeraGrant · 30/04/2017 22:43

No way would I let 13 year old DD watch it. It's rated 18, for a start!

I'm not an over-protective mother, but 13 is quite a way off 18, and when I watched the series, I could really see why it was rated such. There are so, so many other programmes for her to watch at her age. Graphic portrayals of rape and suicide can wait!

It's a very important story, for sure, but there's no rush for young teens to exposed to those themes imo.

I know several of DD's friends have watched it, but their parents don't monitor their viewing habits at all.

PhyllisNights · 30/04/2017 22:45

Absolutely not. I sat through all of it pregnant, and I wish I hadn't.

It's not even suitable enough for a 16 year old.

expatinscotland · 30/04/2017 22:48

I've only read the book, and tbh, I found it very far-fetched. Not suitable for a 13-year-old.

peachgreen · 30/04/2017 22:48

As PPs have said, it's very graphic in places. Watch the last 2 episodes and then decide. I certainly wouldn't let him watch it alone.

raspberrysuicide · 30/04/2017 22:49

My 13 year old dd has already watched it

Smitff · 30/04/2017 22:50

We had an email from school saying they didn't think it was suitable for children under 13, and older than that only with supervision. The book was on the reading list, and they stand behind that decision. I haven't read it or seen the movie, personally.

khajiit13 · 30/04/2017 22:55

Not suitable for a 13 year old at all. All teenagers are impressionable but 13 is far too young. 16+ there's nothing you can do about them watching it in reality but that's the minimum age I'd allow. And I'm pretty laid back. I also really enjoyed it but I am quite morbid.

BetterEatCheese · 30/04/2017 22:56

The message and intent are good but the rape and suicide are very upsetting, I was in tears and couldn't stop thinking about it. Watch it yourself before you decide, it is hard hitting

Bombaybunty · 30/04/2017 22:57

We've also had an email from school stating the unsuitability of this series for teens.
Fortunately we don't have Netflix.
They also mentioned a game with Whales in the title.

PhyllisNights · 30/04/2017 22:58

I'm glad the schools are acting on it. I hate to say it, but it sort of glorifies suicide. It also promotes hostile and negative teenagers. Literally none of the characters are likeable whatsoever, and they certainly don't respect their parents or teachers.

A teenager watching '13 Reasons Why' really has to be mature enough and not the sort to find fiction impressionable.

Scottishchick39 · 30/04/2017 23:06

I would say no, I just finished watching it today and the rape scenes are horrific, I couldn't watch the suicide scene. My mature 15 year old daughter has watched it but if I'd seen it first then I don't think I'd have let her.

Huldra · 30/04/2017 23:14

Watch it first and decide.

I've been watching it with my 13 year old son, we've got to episode 11 and he's engrossed in it. So far most of the sexual stuff is implied and not that graphic. It's been more a few kissing and fondling shots, you are left in no doubt what happens but ... if they watch after 9pm shows it's pretty tame in many ways. To clarify, that's what I've seen so far, unless it's going to turn GoT on us?

Most of the story so far has been about how people do things and don't realise the cumulative part they play. Then the almost detective aspects of the story, you slowly see how the story lines come together. In many ways it's a fairly slow moving story and I think if a 13 year old isn't interested they will walk away in the first few episodes. It's not one of those where you are exposed to action or violence from the start.

My 13 year old has been covering many of the issues at secondary anyway, so I have no issue with the overall subject matter. Cut out the sexual aspects but still it has relevance to teens, kids and adults.

I agree with Rita that it's an 18 but aimed at a younger audience. When I first put it on my watch list it was a G, the same as Stranger Things, then it went to 18.

My 16 year old son binge watched it all and loved it. When he was younger he wasn't bullied as such but had a few things done to him.

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