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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude Text or I'm Being "Sensitive"?

84 replies

FixItUpChappie · 30/04/2017 16:12

My mother texted me 2 photos from my 6yr old birthday in October where he is not smiling and advises:

"In all my pictures of little fixit he's not smiling. Maybe you should ask him why he's so sad. The answer may be revealing"

Me: "I love you but what a bizarre comment"

Her: "no, not bizarre. Typically children are overjoyed at their birthdays. He's also not smiling in lots of my Christmas photos too. Wondering why he's so unhappy. Just a concerned grandma."

Me: "know when to stop. Seriously."

Now she's mad at me for being rude and sensitive Hmm. AIBU to think that it is rude and disrespectful to assert that other people's children are "unhappy" and that only their grandmother would have the perceptive ability (months after the fact) to notice?

background: I believe my mother is competitive with me but am aware I may mis-appropriate things to that category as a result of this fundamental belief.

Note: my children are not fucking unhappy and my mum is on glue

AIBU or am I overly "sensitive"

OP posts:
TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 30/04/2017 16:15

i'd just reply "maybe he doesn't like YOU very much!" hence the not smiling

She sounds craycray!

ihatethecold · 30/04/2017 16:15

Overly sensitive I think.

sooperdooper · 30/04/2017 16:16

Eh, what an odd text! I'm guessing he was happy at his birthday & Christmas and just wasn't in these particular photos?!

DaviesMum · 30/04/2017 16:17

YANBU. Sorry, but your mum sounds like the over-sensitive one here. If not a little bit of a nosy cow.

witsender · 30/04/2017 16:17

Bonkers. Her, not you.

user1488721675 · 30/04/2017 16:17

Not overly sensitive at all. Shes rude. She's saying she believes he's unhappy & insinuated there is a reason for it, and you haven't picked up on it, does she care to elaborate on what she thinks the problem is? I'd be pretty hacked off.

NavyandWhite · 30/04/2017 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

angelikacpickles · 30/04/2017 16:19

YANBU. What a bizarre thing for her to say. If she felt he always looked sad when she sees him in person, I think it would be OK for her to raise it, but children looking grumpy in photos does not mean they are unhappy.

TooFew · 30/04/2017 16:19

Agree with Davies...she can't throw a comment like that out there and get offended when you effectively tell her to do one. What an odd thing for your mum to say! What the hell is she getting at....revealing??! Weird

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 30/04/2017 16:20

Maybe he just finds her need for him to be overjoyed a little bit tiresome? My eldest is a miserable sulk around her grandma at times, she's a bit full on and desperate to be the 'fun Grandma'. My daughter is quite laid back and likes her space x

Bluntness100 · 30/04/2017 16:21

I would be focusing on why my child seemed unhappy and why she thinks there is a reason behind it and yes I'd try to find out from him. She's right, kids usually are happy at Xmas and birthdays if he continued to look sad I'd be concerned too. She's alerted you to something, I'd have a look into it.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 30/04/2017 16:21

"Maybe you should ask yourself why you only take photos of him when he's looking sad."

Tbh though, I would completely ignore texts like that. If she asked about it in person I'd respond "What text? I don't remember, what did it say?" It is much harder to come out with that crap when standing in front of you.

SmileEachDay · 30/04/2017 16:22

I can imagine my mother doing this.

This is the woman who without fail greets me with a comment about how I look. Tired/thin/put on weight and on one memorable occasion "hello darling: gosh, you look awfully flaky". I had a patch of very sore, dry skin following an u pleasant outbreak of pustulated psoriasis

You're not over sensitive. Mine calls me "self involved" if I bite back.

I see her as rarely as I can infrequently.

GooseFriend · 30/04/2017 16:25

I think she's being competitive and unnecessarily rude to you. People take 101 pics of small children at these events - they have to breath between grins and it's easy to catch a random crabby looking face. Kids also commonly get overwhelmed and tantrum at big events. It's certainly not always wall to wall joy.

Do you remember him being broadly happy at the events?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 30/04/2017 16:27

Looks like she wanted to start a fight. I mean that was quite obviously a hugely goady text. Fight! Fight! Fight!

Does she like winding people up? Does she like being in a huff? Does she like people apologising to her, especially when they've done nothing wrong?

DoItTooJulia · 30/04/2017 16:28

What's the implied reason he's unhappy op? What's she getting at?

That's what I'd not like-just come out and bloody well say what you mean.

I think you were very restrained!

Original poster
FixItUpChappie · 30/04/2017 16:28

no drip feed - sent me them out of the blue. I gather she's just gotten around to sorting her pictures.

Of course through my lens I read "I'm more in tuned to your children than you are" and see some implied dig at my parenting.

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 30/04/2017 16:29

If your mother has a concern about this, she should have raised it in a face to face conversation with you and not by text.
I don't see anything wrong with a grandmother questioning something like this if it is something she may think is wrong. She could have asked if you had noticed he never looks happy in photos rather than making it sound like an accusation. There are better ways to do it.

Original poster
FixItUpChappie · 30/04/2017 16:31

also my son was overjoyed at his party and at Christmas - laughing, smiling, happy like a hyena. I was there too. I have plenty of smiling, laughing photos just to be clear!

OP posts:
potoftea · 30/04/2017 16:34

Send her lots of photos of him smiling, and say oh it must be you that makes him sad, he's fine in my photos!

LadyPW · 30/04/2017 16:34

Maybe he doesn't like having his photo taken?
Maybe he's happy on the inside and doesn't always (feel the need to) show it on the outside?
Maybe he'd got fed up of her trying to take his picture when he wanted to get on and enjoy his days?
Maybe he doesn't enjoy occasions?
Maybe it was too busy / full-on for him and he was struggling?
There's a multitude of reasons for him not smiling in her photos & unless she can give you a reason then ignore her, but maybe keep an eye on him (particularly around occasions & times when your mother is there with her camera!)
For what it's worth I hated having my photo taken as a child (still do) & my expression rarely shows my inner emotions (though I'm autistic)

Melawen · 30/04/2017 16:35

That's ridiculous- my own 5 year old DD doesn't particularly like smiling on demand for the camera. I have to catch her unawares for a smiley picture!

Original poster
FixItUpChappie · 30/04/2017 16:36

Does she like winding people up? Does she like being in a huff?

she likes being an expert at everything - especially my kids. To hear her talk she's taught them all they know...from the handful of times she's babysat. I pulled her up at Easter for making it sound to my MIL like the kids practically live at her house - not only competitive we me you see.

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 30/04/2017 16:38

I like your replies. Good to nip that shit in the bud. You sound like you know how to handle her. Have you had a lot of practice?

SmileEachDay · 30/04/2017 16:39

Of course through my lens I read "I'm more in tuned to your children than you are" and see some implied dig at my parenting.

I think you're right. Her phrasing says just that to me, too.

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