Rude Text or I'm Being "Sensitive"?

[FixItUpChappie]

My mother texted me 2 photos from my 6yr old birthday in October where he is not smiling and advises:

"In all my pictures of little fixit he's not smiling. Maybe you should ask him why he's so sad. The answer may be revealing"

Me: "I love you but what a bizarre comment"

Her: "no, not bizarre. Typically children are overjoyed at their birthdays. He's also not smiling in lots of my Christmas photos too. Wondering why he's so unhappy. Just a concerned grandma."

Me: "know when to stop. Seriously."

Now she's mad at me for being rude and sensitive . AIBU to think that it is rude and disrespectful to assert that other people's children are "unhappy" and that only their grandmother would have the perceptive ability (months after the fact) to notice?

background: I believe my mother is competitive with me but am aware I may mis-appropriate things to that category as a result of this fundamental belief.

Note: my children are not fucking unhappy and my mum is on glue

AIBU or am I overly "sensitive"

Lots of good replies here but Balloonslayers is spot on.

Do you feel able to ask your DS why he looked sad...I would guess your DM pisses him off

Tell her it's probably because he knows he's being locked back in the cellar when you get home.

""He was very happy all the time I was with him, as you can see. Clearly we should be adkibg ourselves why he always seems sad when you are around? Thanks for drawing his unhappiness around you to my attention. Not all grandmothers would have been that brave xx""

This is AMAZING. Please send this one OP!

Oh baloonslayer'sis spot on! Love it.

Sign off with ... just an exasperated parent.

Tell her it's probably because he knows he's being locked back in the cellar when you get home.

We have number of pictures of DGS looking miserable. We have a number of his father pulling exactly the same face. We call it the 'Do I really have to have my photo taken?' face. Maybe your DS is the same.

I'd send her pictures of him happy and smiling then suggest perhaps he was unhappy with her!

I think you're right Chappie.

I'd send her the happy photos too.

Are they posed or natural photos? A lot of pics of my son (16 years old) are awkward because they are posed ones. The best pics I have of him are natural ones where he's not aware of the camera. If the pics are posed e.g. Smile for the camera before you blow out the candles, then many kids will be annoyed as they just want to get on with it.

What is his "resting face" like? I have a sad resting face so I can be absolutely fine but look worried in a pic.

When my son was 4, he developed a photo face. It was these eyes 😋 with this mouth 😐.

It's rude. It's like she's insinuating something. If she was actually concerned and brought it up then maybe but she just went on about it and insinuating something.

OP my mum is like this, always sending me little articles about vitamins and good ways to make sure your children are 'mentally' healthy, worries terribly about my kids. I am very sensitive, and like you can be quite short when I think she's taken it too far, I'd go so far as to say I get ratty!

Thing is, I know her intentions are good, she loves my kids more than life and just wants them to be happy and healthy. Do I feel like she's criticising my parenting? Yes sometimes, but she isn't purposely, so I try to take it in the spirit she intended it. Doesn't always work.

Sounds like your mum has had this on her mind for a while and has been trying to figure out the best way to approach you about it. No matter how she did it, you would've probably reacted the same, and I'm not criticising you at all, because I would've as well. But she was damned no matter how she brought it up.

She perhaps just needs some reassurance that your DC is happy, don't text her back, call her and tell her she can tell you her worries when she's next over at dinner and then you can both talk about it. I am sure she only has you and your DCs best interests at heart, even if she hasn't gone about it the right way

I mean... kids can't be smiling ALL sodding day. Not 24hours. You are gonna catch them not smiling especially if they're not looking at the camera or knowing they're being snapped. That's ridiculous. My son pouts (to my shame lol) or smiles when he is asked to. Otherwise he's like me, resting bitchy moody face.
I'd go back to her and honestly ask what she's implying by his answer being 'revealing'. And if I didn't like the response she'd be waiting a long time for another invite over

Is she trying to lol you something in a very odd way do you think?

*tell

well, than you for your thoughts. I feel more justified in believing it's not all me being emotional. she is competitive with me BUT I know she doesn't mean harm and I should be the bigger person sometimes

I may be completely off the base here but have you recently made a decision regarding your life or the kids that she really disapproves of?

I may have to send this though before we make up....

Tell her it's probably because he knows he's being locked back in the cellar when you get home.

That's the sort of thing my mum would say. She finds the negative in things.
E.g.
If he comes out of school with a sad face, she'd probably say is he being bullied?
It's unbelievable sometimes

I may be completely off the base here but have you recently made a decision regarding your life or the kids that she really disapproves of?

No, pretty bog standard life here - loving, if busy parents, plenty of happy family time.

I would tell her if she has something to say then just bloody well say it. Sounds a bit cryptic.

Maybe he's sad because she's there taking these pictures? Maybe she needs to look at her own behaviour and how if affects him, like her behaviour affects you?

I would be focusing on why my child seemed unhappy and why she thinks there is a reason behind it and yes I'd try to find out from him. She's right, kids usually are happy at Xmas and birthdays if he continued to look sad I'd be concerned too.

My daughter always ends up crying on birthdays and Xmas. She is 10 and she still does it.

She gets overwhelmed, hates being the centre of attention and is a huge introvert who just wants to be left alone after a while of interacting.

It's just who she is. If my mum sent me that text I would be hugely upset and offended. YANBU.

If she likes to feel important then maybe you need some decoy topics.

Suggest you are thinking of teaching the children to play the harp or learn Mandarin or become elite pole vaulters. Say you are thinking about emigrating to Nepal.

This way when she starts on the competitive stuff you can laugh quietly on the inside.