Rude Text or I'm Being "Sensitive"?

[FixItUpChappie]

My mother texted me 2 photos from my 6yr old birthday in October where he is not smiling and advises:

"In all my pictures of little fixit he's not smiling. Maybe you should ask him why he's so sad. The answer may be revealing"

Me: "I love you but what a bizarre comment"

Her: "no, not bizarre. Typically children are overjoyed at their birthdays. He's also not smiling in lots of my Christmas photos too. Wondering why he's so unhappy. Just a concerned grandma."

Me: "know when to stop. Seriously."

Now she's mad at me for being rude and sensitive . AIBU to think that it is rude and disrespectful to assert that other people's children are "unhappy" and that only their grandmother would have the perceptive ability (months after the fact) to notice?

background: I believe my mother is competitive with me but am aware I may mis-appropriate things to that category as a result of this fundamental belief.

Note: my children are not fucking unhappy and my mum is on glue

AIBU or am I overly "sensitive"

She's barmy. Sympathies OP

I am guilty of being short with her which is not flattering on my part

I just can't stand the constant unsolicited advice giving. She "loud parents" me with the kids...in a way where it's obvious she is trying to teach me what to say and how to be with them drives me bonkers. I'm a 40 yr old women who has worked with children for 20 years ffs

Your mum sounds weird and rude.

My 6yr old smiles and laughs all the time but never smiles in photos. If he notices a camera he just frowns or makes his face blank. Doesn't mean he's unhappy.

move 300 miles away, that sorted it for me

Develop a response. Nod and smile whilst swearing loudly in your head or say "thanks mum, but this works with my two monsters" or similar. Don't engage emotionally, it's too exhausting.

Send her a smiley pic and comment must be you as he smiled when I was around.
Fwiw dd1 was a very serious baby and didn't smile a lot but she's 9 now and smiles a great deal. She's still fairly serious about life but that's her character, we have so much fun. She was just a very observant baby who'd sit, watch intently and copy. Dd2&3 smiled a lot as babies. They're all different.

She sounds a pain in the arse.

Maybe you should ask him why he's so sad. The answer may be revealing

This would have angered me though. It sounds as if she thinks there's something she knows and you don't. Why would a person piss about with their daughters feelings like that?!

Has she got other narcissistic traits? This seems to me like a bid for control rather than coming from any real concern....hate ulterior motives dressed up as just a 'concerned grandma'...

"If you wanted a smiley picture you only had to ask", then forward her a smiley picture of the child.

He probably doesn't smile in her pictures as if it's anything like the picture taking in my family it's a whole song and dance and it all takes ages to set up and actually take the flippin picture

"I pulled her up at Easter for making it sound to my MIL like the kids practically live at her house"

OP, how did that conversation go? I'm genuinely curious, this is the kind of thing I would like to be able to do (pull someone up when they are making shit up being disingenuous, but I never know how to.

Do you have any photographs of your DM not smiling OP ?
I bet you do, send them .... 😂

YANBU. She needs to get a life.

Does you mum live near you? I'm guessing here but it sounds like she's over analysing photos because she probably misses them and doesn't see them enough, so she's been looking at photos, she added 2+2 and got 5!
Just tell her my kids are very happy and content thanks, come and see them in real life.. for yourself! lol

OP, how did that conversation go? I'm genuinely curious, this is the kind of thing I would like to be able to do (pull someone up when they are making shit up being disingenuous, but I never know how to.

I just told her directly not to make my MIL feel like she sees the kids less - I find direct best

Does you mum live near you? I'm guessing here but it sounds like she's over analysing photos because she probably misses them and doesn't see them enough

No, she lives near - I often invite them over for dinner once a week

You could have said, 'oh I'm sorry he wouldn't smile for you when you were taking his photo. Don't take it personally - he can be a bit funny with people. I've got loads of him smiling - would you like me to send you some?'

I'd reply again:

'Actually I've noticed he always looks unhappy when you take a picture of him. I suspect you are the problem.'

If your mother is anything like my parents as a photographer, the reason your son isn't smiling in any of her photos is that she takes absolutely forever, getting people to pose and then saying 'X, you're not looking! Y, push in a bit more! Now, everyone say "Cheese!"' And then insists on taking several of the same shot 'in case it doesn't come out.'

Everyone in my parents' photos looks suicidal, because it's taken about 15 minutes to take, usually in the middle of some occasion everyone wants to get back to. Everyone in my ILs' photos is missing a head. (Though my MIL also has a weird line in photographing people while they are eating, as in actually with their mouths half-open and a fork halfway inside, come to think of it.)

I've hated having my pic taken for as long as I can remember & often have a miserable face in photos!

Tell her it's because of his batshit GM.

Or don't engage with such nonsense.

Chavelita that made me laugh I'm a bit like that myself sometimes TBH lol!

"Just a concerned grandma"

Jeez-what a drama llama-I just couldn't be doing with such emotional guilty trippy shit.

Utterly bizarre. Ask her to stop being so cryptic, it's annoying.

No you're totally not being sensitive. I would also say your belief that she is competitive with you is not unfounded either. She sounds like my mother -needs to win at everything and if it's not a competition she'll make it into one. She once had a go at my dad for not being able to fix a lock when my DH could. DH is a locksmith.

How is your DM at losing board games?

Concerned grandma, my arse.

Batshit on the other hand, definitely.

Sympathies OP. My mother was in constant competition with me as a mother. But now I don't see her anymore.

Send her the photos you took of him smiling.

"He was very happy all the time I was with him, as you can see. Clearly we should be adkibg ourselves why he always seems sad when you are around? Thanks for drawing his unhappiness around you to my attention. Not all grandmothers would have been that brave xx"

My late DM was a bit like this. One of her favourite words was 'miserable'. 'What's the matter Janey? You look really miserable' was a typical,frequent remark when to my mind,I was just looking neutral. I don't feel I have sit with an idiotic grin on my face all the time,just in case people think I'm unhappy. She used to say it about a lot of other people too,my DD,DD's husband,the woman serving her in a shop,etc. The irony of it was that she didn't have a particularly smiley face herself at the best of times,and could look a bit fierce. I must admit OP that if I had received a text like the one your DM sent you,it would annoy and upset me equally. So no,I don't think you are being over-sensitive.