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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what you miss most about pre-baby life?

351 replies

missb00 · 30/04/2017 15:47

Just that really. We are thinking about starting a family but want to know what you miss most about pre-parenthood??

OP posts:
chocolatesavedmysanity · 30/04/2017 19:58

Sleep!!!!! Omg the sleep!

Nowombattheinn · 30/04/2017 20:00

It's really interesting reading everyone's responses.

Mine would be:
Definitely sleep
My old body (can't believe I moaned about my stomach, I wish I'd worn more bikinis and actually felt confident),
Not being permanently exhausted and having to repeat every instruction 12 times
Not having that overwhelming worry about your little ones that you realise will last the rest of your life!
niangua are your children preschoolers? I found these years utterly exhausting, soul destroying and all consuming. It's so hard when you have no one like Grandparents to just take the pressure off for a minute and the expectations on what you should be like 'as a Mother' is a lot of pressure. You do NEED time away from it. I've also found it does get better as they get more independent and I try and remember at least one really positive thing from them from even the worst days, like something hilarious they've said (and once there is bed there's always wine Wink)

ImAllShookUp · 30/04/2017 20:00

These threads do make me laugh... I don't have children yet, and yet I don't get a lie in at the weekend, I don't get me-time, and I rarely get to drink a hot cup of tea! Am I doing 'child-free' wrong!?

purpleporpoise · 30/04/2017 20:02

Spontaneous trips to the cinema

passingthrough1 · 30/04/2017 20:02

I don't think I ever appreciated how quiet life was before. (ignore baby for one second to pick up something baby has dropped on floor, baby screams ... strap baby into something so I can have a shower, baby gets so worked up in about 2 mins that they look like they're about to choke ... baby has been resisting sleep for so long they get over tired and begin crying uncontrollably ... I start to cry ... and then the next day happens).

AlcoholicsUnanimous · 30/04/2017 20:03

It's not exactly freedom or spontaneity I miss, but control. DD is 22 months now and I only recently realised this. She wakes between 5:20 and 6 but it's not the early starts that get me, it's having no control over when I get up, she doesn't have a snooze button, unfortunately.

Ricecrispies16 · 30/04/2017 20:03

Being able to do what I want, guilt/worry free.

Figgygal · 30/04/2017 20:04

A full nights sleep
Spontaneous afternoon drinking
Cinema trips which aren't arranged like a military operation
My convertible Sad

lovelyleftrubbishright · 30/04/2017 20:05

A couple of years before I had DD, I woke up on my day off at 10.30am.

Then I masturbated.

Then I played The Sims on my X-box for like 8 solid hours.

I had a whole bag of oven cooked onion rings for lunch.

Then I had a bath and went to meet my DH for dinner and we got steaming drunk with friends.

I think about that day a lot. I miss being selfish and lazy!

Though actually I'm more proud of myself now I spend the average day raising a human being, running a business and doing a degree.

Lewinskylakinsky · 30/04/2017 20:06

Free time
Interesting conversation
Sleep
Friends

LittleLionMansMummy · 30/04/2017 20:09

Lazy days mooching around all day on the sofa, reading newspapers and watching TV in order to recover from the previous night's excesses.

Uiscebeatha85 · 30/04/2017 20:14

Sleep and being able to sleep without a baby starfished in the middle of the bed.

Naps.

Spontaneously doing stuff like cinema, going out.

Not having to be ruled by routines.

almostenglish · 30/04/2017 20:16

Silence

bookworm14 · 30/04/2017 20:19

A year or so ago I'd have said sleep, but DD now sleeps through, so...

Brunch with the Sunday papers.

Being able to cook without someone demanding to be picked up.

Weekends spent lying on the sofa reading.

Not constantly feeling guilty about every bloody thing.

That said, I'm very lucky in that I'm still able to have time to myself thanks to lovely DH. I don't know how people without supportive partners do it.

misforme · 30/04/2017 20:19

Only sleep for me.
Other than that life is more purposeful and the love for the child totally amazing.
What it will be like for you is likely to depend on:
1)how much help you will be getting from dh/dp.
2)whether you will have any other help e.g. From parents or can afford babysitter so that you can have me time now and again.
3)whether you will be able to afford to go back to work
4) whether you will have any money left after childcare fees.
And that's it in my view.

stoplickingthetelly · 30/04/2017 20:19

Sleep/having a lie in - even when I get a bit of a lie in (8am) I can still hear the commotion downstairs. Other things include going to the cinema or out for tea when you like. And I really miss being able to come home from work to a calm quite house and be able to sit down with a cup of tea for a few minutes before I start cooking etc. Now I rush out of work, pick dc1 up from nursery, dc2 from childminder then have cook tea,, do jobs etc while dc nearly have meltdown (witching hour). I almost never sit down until at least 8:30pm during the week.

londonrach · 30/04/2017 20:24

Sleep, reading a book, working

What id miss...

Her hugs, smiles, laughter, how she makes me feel

Sabsy1 · 30/04/2017 20:26

I miss my old life so much. I miss my luxuries. Throughout my twenties i travelled the world, had an amazing time, had my hair done every 6 weeks, nails done every 3 weeks, shopped in house of fraser, karen millen, went out to michelin star restaurants..... and now its a completely different story.
My son is 2.
Haven't had my nails done for 2 years. Been to hairdressers twice. I probably bought 5 items of clothing/shoes in the last 2 years. Dont go to restaurants as i have a tornado of a toddler and he cant sit still for 5 min. Holidays are extremely stressful, i used to get anxiety attacks before getting on a plane, as i knew there was no way out if he kicks off!
I now minimise everything i have to do that involves my son. I do food shopping online, only go to places where he can be free/run, dont go on long car journeys as he wants to get out of the car seat, no holidays planned/booked. Both my partner and i dont have a family to help us, so we have to pay for a babysitter, we've been out on our own 4 times in 2 years.
I miss my freedom and everything that came with it! Having a child is a massive responsibility!

newmumwithquestions · 30/04/2017 20:31

Sleep
Sex
Holidays (we used to do a lot of sporty ones that are impossible now)
Being able to lie in bed or slump on the sofa when ill. Vomiting is bad enough but having to put a breastfeeding baby down to go to the toilet to vomit, all the time followed by a toddler saying 'mummy, what you doing?' makes being ill take on a whole new level!

AmpleRaspberries · 30/04/2017 20:31

Sleep, without a doubt. Spontaneity. Having conversations which are not constantly interrupted to say 'stop that' 'shush please' 'in a minute' to a small person. Freedom. Not needing to pack half the house to go out. A few months ago I would have said evenings too, but we've since cracked bedtime.

However, it does get better dd was 2.5 when ds was born and we were finding life getting easier and easier in terms of sleep, eating out, how much pariphinelia was needed.

Dh and I take it in turns to have lie ins (much needed with ds the sleep thief), to take dd to dance or swimming etc so it's not all on one person.

I've also gained a lot, a new respect and passion for my job as I felt I lost my identity on mat leave a bit. Some great friends I met in a parent and baby class who I still see regularly with and without the kids almost 4 years on. And two children who my god I need a break from at times, but who I look forward to getting back to at the end of the day.

Oh, and I would say I'm more carefree in some ways (worrying about the children aside). I remember cringing as a kid when my mum would chat away to random strangers in supermarkets, I am now that woman. I think in general I give slightly less of a fuck about stuff outside my home life.

FiddleFigs · 30/04/2017 20:34

Sleep.
Spontaneity.
Being a size 8.

PeaFaceMcgee · 30/04/2017 20:35

My life.

It's not the same life now - everything's different.

DesignedForLife · 30/04/2017 20:38

Going for a walk in the summer evenings

gloopygloop · 30/04/2017 20:40

Sleep
Glorious hangover days after brilliant drunken nights out
Being able to meet up with friends without weeks of planning/finding babysitters etc
Time to myself
Going to the toilet on my own
Time with my husband that was just about us and having fun
Travelling with a rucksack and staying in backpackers hostels
Sitting up chatting/drinking until the sunrise

I wouldn't change it though, I've done all of those things it's time to do different stuff for a while.

Pleasestoplickingthetv · 30/04/2017 20:41

Everything.....

Mainly, being able to put a film on at night and
a) not falling asleep whilst watching due to 4hrs broken sleep the night before
b) being able to watch it, turn it off at 11pm and knowing I can now sleep for 8hrs.
We are rarely up past 9pm because we just don't know what kind of night we are going to have.