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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think breastfeeding has made no difference to my dd and is massively overrated in terms of benefits?

999 replies

Placeanditspatrons · 30/04/2017 07:51

I've nearly driven myself to a breakdown feeding my dd. She is 16 months now and I'm still feeding. She has been ill more times and worse than my formula fed from four months son. She does not recover any faster and she catches anything I get and gets it worse, despite supppsedly the antibodies passing to her and either preventing or reducing the severity of the illness.

I know it's anecdotal and the studies say overall bf babies are healthier but how much healthier? I mean I we talking one less cold? One less ear injection? Statistically? Many of my friends have said similar. Again anecdotal but I can't help wondering - after the colostrum which is more important I guess - does it really make any noticeable difference?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 02/05/2017 19:00

So- and I realise that I need to tread very carefully here- it seems to be an accepted fact in this country that a significant minority's of women/babies can't breastfeed. Not "don't want to" or "didn't get enough support" or "found it too overwhelming and decided to stop" but actually can't. What is so different about Scandinavian women and babies.

Badders123 · 02/05/2017 19:04

I know mothers to be who decided ore birth they were not even going to try to bf.
I also know mums who were adamant their child would never be tainted by ff.

Both kids got fed.
End of.

Beckyshutts · 02/05/2017 19:05

I think I know how you feel. I really stressed myself to breastfeed my first, and now expecting my second I am not loving the thought of going through all of that again. I think the initial first few feeds are good for baby and good for shrinking your uterus, but otherwise I am more in to happy mum, happy baby. I am sure that a babies immune system will be better on boob, however with the advances of formula and not to mention the millions of babies fed on formula who are very healthy and happy, I think the simple side of this is that us at mums like to judge ourselves and others to try and see failures.

We are all doing the best we can. Thats all you can do, every day.

X

Badders123 · 02/05/2017 19:06

.....but yes I bf Ds2 for the first few weeks because a) I actually had milk second time round! And b) I wanted him to the touted benefit from the colostrum.

The irony with Ds2 was that I had too much milk - or rather a very fast let down - and he struggled and gagged a lot by the time I stopped.

Amiawful23 · 02/05/2017 19:08

bert

I think a lot of women believe they can't when they actually can, but I think that is due to lack of knowledge and proper support.

BertrandRussell · 02/05/2017 19:18

"I think a lot of women believe they can't when they actually can, but I think that is due to lack of knowledge and proper support."

This is Mumsnet heresey though. It's just not something you can say.

BertrandRussell · 02/05/2017 19:20

"I know mothers to be who decided ore birth they were not even going to try to bf.
I also know mums who were adamant their child would never be tainted by ff."

It's always expressed like this. A slight disparaging tone when talking about breastfeeding. "Tainted" is a very value led word to choose. Why not "I also knew mums who wanted to breastfeed"?

blaeberry · 02/05/2017 19:23

it does not mean results can be dismissed

The results may not be dismissed but unfortunately at times the conclusions should be. For example a correlation has been found between coffee drinking and lung cancer. This is real observed result from observational studies and not due to bias. But can we conclude that coffee drinking causes lung cancer? Absolutely NOT! It is due to a confounding variable: smoking. That is why the results of observational studies should always be treated with caution. (And you seem to be muddling bias and confounding).

JenziW · 02/05/2017 19:33

It's a shame you haven't been able to appreciate the benefits of it despite it not being a magic cure for all viruses and infections for your child.

My lg was lucky. I've noticed a drastic difference since stopping feeding at 16mths. She had 1 cold in that first 16mths, no other health issues or nappy rash. Nursery from 9.5mths. Now she gets a lot of bugs picked up at nursery mostly.

GreenGinger2 · 02/05/2017 19:34

In answer to your question Bertrand Finland lags behind. Maybe the reason other counties in Scandinavia do well is because as another poster suggested they mix feed more and thus clearly don't demonise formula.

tiktok · 02/05/2017 19:37

Bertrand, I agree - it is very difficult for mothers to say, in real life and on mumsnet, that for them, breastfeeding is something they feel strongly about.....that this feeling comes from the heart and soul and not from 'the BF mafia' or from pressure or guilt or a sense of duty.

Not all breastfeeding mothers feel that very personal pull towards breastfeeding, of course, but it's not unusual. This personal pull can exist even when some aspects of BF feel like a massive struggle, even when it's painful, even when it's not working well, even when a great part of the mother feels it's time to stop.

It then becomes very hard for them to say how sad and conflicted they feel about stopping at any stage for whatever reason, and to get support for these feelings - because several people will post that they themselves were duped, pressured, guilted into breastfeeding and the idea that it makes a difference to health outcomes is all exaggerated at best or lies at worst. The strong implication is that the poster herself was duped, pressured etc etc and that the way to stop feeling bad is to accept the whole experience of BF was a waste of time.

This is not supportive.

Of course mothers should be free to choose how to feed their babies, and to make the decision themselves when and if their mental well-being is affected by it.

But lets not pretend it is always a clear choice, and that left to themselves without input from anyone else they'd be better off, or that mothers are unaffected by the decision (whatever it is) psychologically, culturally, emotionally, socially . Some posters here imagine that all that's stopping a woman (including the OP) from deciding to stop is the outside pressure from people who want to judge her.

GreenGinger2 · 02/05/2017 19:37

Don't they all just stop at 6 months anyway. Sure I read somewhere that it's curtains at that cut off point.

Amiawful23 · 02/05/2017 19:39

Well bert I can only go by my own experience, which was that if I'd listened to nhs support I'd have thought I wasn't producing enough milk. As it was, I'd researched bfeeding extensively beforehand, so I knew I was.

tiktok · 02/05/2017 19:40

Not true, GreenGinger.

Formula is used in Scandinavia, of course, alongside breastfeeding, and on its own with older babies and a small number from birth. However, there is far more exclusive breastfeeding than in the UK.

I'll try to find the stats.

Amiawful23 · 02/05/2017 19:41

And I loved breastfeeding and I was gutted when my baby decided he preferred bottles at 6 months (had to give them to him due to work). Tried expressing but could never get much out so he had to go to formula.

Felt and still feel sad about it even though we got to 6 months. He was never much of a boob monster even in the early days

tiktok · 02/05/2017 19:41

No, they don't all stop at 6 mths, Green.

Badders123 · 02/05/2017 19:45

Because "tainted" is the word they used
HTH

tiktok · 02/05/2017 19:48

blaeberry, no, not muddling anything, don't worry.

BertrandRussell · 02/05/2017 19:50

"Because "tainted" is the word they used
HTH"

So all the women you know who br astfeed talk about formula "tainting" their babies? Hmm

Greenginger in order to mix feed you still need to be able to breastfeed.........

GreenGinger2 · 02/05/2017 20:02

For many women in order to breast feed they need to formula feed to but it is demonised here and you are also lead to believe that mixing stops breast feeding.

It's a double whammy that make already miserable women plod on without a break 24/7. They then decide it's all too much and stop.

GreenGinger2 · 02/05/2017 20:02

Too

BertrandRussell · 02/05/2017 20:09

"For many women in order to breast feed they need to formula feed to but it is demonised here"

OK. I don't see the demonization- particularly considering the overwhelming majority of babies are formula fed either from the start or very soon after. And I don't understand the point that for many women in order to bf they need to formula feed too. Why? Do you mean to continue to bf they need to do both? I can see that.

BertrandRussell · 02/05/2017 20:10

babies in the UK, that should say.

GreenGinger2 · 02/05/2017 20:14

Re demonised have you not read this thread alone then?Hmm

BertrandRussell · 02/05/2017 20:29

Right. Lets's address this. I'm getting fed up with it. What % of the posters on this thread are "demonizing" formula, formula feeding, or women who formula feed? Name some names.

I am aware of 2 saying ignorant things about the ingredients of formula. And they were, I think, pulled up on it quite swiftly.

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