...to hate chokers on young girls

[Bringmesunshite]

I admit I'm an old pearl clutcher. I restrain these instincts and let my dd (10) wear make up now and then, I let her wear her hair in a Chelsea bun with a feckin' JoJo bow. I let her wear crop tops and gladiators.
But AIBU to draw the line at a choker. I think they look like dog collars - the kind animals or submissives wear. She has argued for a lattice type one which is slightly less horrible in my opinion but I am still very reluctant.
I am all for her finding her way and/or fitting in with her peers but I bloody hate chokers.

I do think that Uppity has made an interesting point. I didn't know about the cultural connotations with chokers but can see why she would find some comets up thread deeply offensive. Labelling an item of dress or clothing from another culture inherently bdsm is pretty awful.

Why does she think all males are horrible? Christ you've got a bigger problem on your hands than choker necklace.
I bought dd a pack of 10 for her birthday id never buy her a crop top though & she can take her time with make up, personally think that looks way more sexualized than a bit of jewelry

Oh are these a thing again? I loved them as a teen.

I'm with you, OP. They are undeniably sexual - and in fact were a marker for prostitution at one point. Became all the rage in France at the end of C18 with aristocrats wearing red beaded chokers to thumb the nose at the guillotine (I've never been able to unthink that, now I know it).

I wouldn't let a 10yo wear makeup either, although strangely I have nothing against crop tops.

They're sexual in India too - very popular for wedding jewellery.

They can not be sexual on a child. If you look at a child in a bloody necklace and leap to prostitution in 18th century France then you need to have a word.

But AIBU to draw the line at a choker. I think they look like dog collars - the kind animals or submissives wear.

I actually read that and found it a little bit disturbing. It's a fashion, surely? I was a teenager in the early 90s and choker type necklaces were fashionable.
That's you projecting your adult sexual views onto small kids which I cant believe I just typed but URGH.
Nobody should even tally the two together.

I hate chokers full stop. On anyone!

That's you projecting your adult sexual views onto small kids which I cant believe I just typed but URGH.

It's about not wanting children to wear sexualized clothing - a very common and valid viewpoint. There are whole campaigns about this sort of thing (Let Kids Be Kids / Girls Be Girls etc etc).

Chokers are not sexualised clothing though. They are not designed to show off or enhance secondary sexual characteristics. They just go round your neck.

I was an adult in the 90s and I thought they looked shit then. I was a kid in the 70s and they just looked weird. Totally understand some people thinking I have a bee in my bonnet over nothing. Taken aback by accusations of racism.

Yes, like high heels just go on your feet. I think they (as this thread shows) that they fall into the category of clothing commonly thought of as sexualized.

I'd rather my 10 year old niece wore a choker than make up and a crop top that's for sure

Katherina-there is a big difference between an item being worn as wedding jewellery and being labelled as inextricably linked with bdsm or described as "slutty".

I didn't know about the significance of chokers in Indian culture until Uppity raised it. But given her explanation I can see why she found some of the comments on this thread offensive.

Yes, they wouldn't be discussed in quite the same way in India But the point stands.

Are people still using "slutty" as a derogatory term? Awful.

Oh those feckin Jo jo bows are bloody awful and a rip off! My dd1+2 wear them eurgh!

Chokers are not sexualised clothing though. They are not designed to show off or enhance secondary sexual characteristics. They just go round your neck.

Agreed. To me, it's just a necklace. ESPECIALLY on kids.If you're looking at it and thinking sexual thoughts, that's YOUR projection and outlook on it.

Katherina-I can see that the point about them being sexual stands, but I don't think that was so much the problem, as them being seen as sexual in a submissive or otherwise negative way? It's reasonable enough to say an item is sexual and therefore not appropriate for a child, but it's a very different to see it as inherently bdsm or somehow tacky.

I thought they looked great in the 90s as a teen, but now I do think they can look a bit cheap or sexualised, especially velvet or black ones. OP, would you and she compromise on a thin coloured cord or satin ribbon with some kind of girly pendant? That might look less "adult" whilst still fitting in with her desire to look fashionable. I remember in the 90s Accessorize used to sell thin cord choker-style necklaces in bright colours with little pretty glass pendants on them which were pretty and less OTT than the black chokers - she might compromise on something like that perhaps?

Something like this is cute and age-appropriate:
uk.accessorize.com/view/product/uk_catalog/acc_2,acc_2.3/2823350800

Whereas these....not so much for a 10 y o (for anyone saying chokers aren't sexualised):
uk.accessorize.com/view/product/uk_catalog/acc_14.19/2834472300

uk.accessorize.com/view/product/uk_catalog/acc_2,acc_2.3/2833558200

I thought a chelsea bun was something you get from greggs with icing on the top?

How does that feature in a hair style?

Chokers are sexual? Blimey it's an education here. There's me thinking they were just short necklaces..,

It's a bloody necklace for goodness sake!!

I grew up in the 90s and wore them all the time. Melissa Joan Hart was my role model (see pic)

If you see anything sexual in the pic you need your head examined!

It's just a necklace - I don't understand how anyone see them as sexualising children!

Thanks, Wayfarers, you have found a great example of what's ok for a 10 year old and what, in my view, is not.