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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to hate chokers on young girls

105 replies

Bringmesunshite · 29/04/2017 17:24

I admit I'm an old pearl clutcher. I restrain these instincts and let my dd (10) wear make up now and then, I let her wear her hair in a Chelsea bun with a feckin' JoJo bow. I let her wear crop tops and gladiators.
But AIBU to draw the line at a choker. I think they look like dog collars - the kind animals or submissives wear. She has argued for a lattice type one which is slightly less horrible in my opinion but I am still very reluctant.
I am all for her finding her way and/or fitting in with her peers but I bloody hate chokers.

OP posts:
WyfOfBathe · 29/04/2017 18:27

I don't like chokers. I've often seen references to it online as being a black belt in "sucking dicks" or showing that a girl is submissive & up for anything (inc. choking during BDSM)

I don't want to post them here, but google "choker meme" and you'll see what I mean.

Original poster
Bringmesunshite · 29/04/2017 18:42

Thanks for the range of views. The crop tops are usually as sports wear; the makeup is when I am with her. I don't like them but I don't want to make them more special by banning them. Jojo bows are a stupid expensive fad and I am praying that the school will ban them.
I just have a thing about disliking chokers - I think they look like a dog lead should be attached.
But many pp are right, it's just another fad and I shouldn't draw attention to it by refusing it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bringmesunshite · 29/04/2017 18:49

I have a friend who refuses to let her dd wear any makeup- fine, that's a POV; no problem with that. However she has also never discussed how babies are made or periods with her. I think it will be an overload for her daughter when she reaches secondary school and she hasn't had chance to dip her toe in the waters of growing up.

OP posts:
victoriousblunder · 29/04/2017 18:55

Totally agree with those who say that makeup and crop tops are awful for a 10yo!
My 12 yo dsd doesn't even wear makeup and she's in secondary school! I'd be more concerned about sexualising dd with those than a choker.
As for the jojo bow- absolute chav central, so glad my dsd has more sense.Hmm

ToffeeCaramel · 29/04/2017 18:55

Did she withdraw her dd from sex ed at primary school?

I don't like the name choker.

skerrywind · 29/04/2017 18:59

Bondage doesn;t cross my mind.

Chocker necklaces were popular in Victorian times, in an era where they would never show an ankle.
It's a modern spin to suggest that chokers are so sexual.

Original poster
Bringmesunshite · 29/04/2017 19:06

I'm confident that my dd isn't being sexualised- she doesn't trout pout, twerk or anything else like that - seen her class mates doing this; several have "boyfriends " in their class ffs. She in fact currently thinks all males apart from her dad and grandad are pretty horrible.

OP posts:
Ethylred · 29/04/2017 19:25

What's this 90s throwback business? They're 70s throwbacks and looked slutty then.

Original poster
Bringmesunshite · 29/04/2017 19:29

I remember them from the 70s - I'm an old gimmer - and yes, they looked , well ... slutty as a pp said, back then.

OP posts:
SquedgieBeckenheim · 29/04/2017 19:31

I wore one as a young teen. Was a bit taken aback seeing a girl wearing one the other day. Harmless in my opinion.

UppityHumpty · 29/04/2017 19:39

Stop putting your own pervy thoughts and assumptions on your kid OP. Chokers have been around for thousands of years - my culture have used them since thousands of years BC. How dare you reduce them in such a derogatory way. Angry

Original poster
Bringmesunshite · 29/04/2017 19:42

Sorry for offending you Uppity. Just asking for opinions.

OP posts:
Moussemoose · 29/04/2017 19:45

Chokers are sexual - if you don't think so you need to wake up.

RJnomore1 · 29/04/2017 19:48

Chokers are no more sexual than swimsuits are. You look at them through your own perceptions and see something sexual.

They are not so inherently.

ThymeLord · 29/04/2017 19:48

They aren't sexual on a child. It's a child following a trend for a particular type of jewellery.

BackforGood · 29/04/2017 19:57

I really don't like chokers, but then I really hate seeing small children in make up too.

I think it will be an overload for her daughter when she reaches secondary school and she hasn't had chance to dip her toe in the waters of growing up

Hmm I have 2 teenage dds they have managed to grow up just fine without needing to wear make up. I wouldn't consider wearing make up as some kind of marker of having 'grown up'.
UppityHumpty · 29/04/2017 19:59

Whats so fucking sexual about these Moussemoose.

www.google.co.uk/amp/m.ebay.co.uk/sch/amp/Women-Choker-Indian-Jewellery/91434/bn_18633244/i.html

OP, You aren't asking for opinions. You're saying you think chokers are bdsm wear and you want people to agree with you. I'm telling you, as a woman of colour from a culture that wears chokers, that I find your post deeply offensive. Stop minimizing how I feel. Some of the opinions you've expressed here have been 1) deeply ignorant and 2) borderline racist/prejudiced.

Original poster
Bringmesunshite · 29/04/2017 20:07

Glad your dds don't wear makeup- I didn't (and don't really now). However, it is, in my opinion, a marker for starting to be aware of how you look and , yes, growing up.
I think it is important to manage this with sensitivity as a parent of a daughter. I want her to find what suits her at her pace and guide her where I can. I think banning makeup experiments is pointless but I just have a thing about chokers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bringmesunshite · 29/04/2017 20:08

Wow! Borderline racist? Hmm.

OP posts:
SpreadYourHappiness · 29/04/2017 20:09

Moussemoose No, they're really not. You need to wake up and stop living in dreamland.

Trills · 29/04/2017 20:09

Chokers are just necklaces. That is all. No more sexual than a pendant or a string of beads.

Hotpinkangel19 · 29/04/2017 20:14

My 11 year old wears a choker, has a range of jo jo bows, likes coloured lip gloss, owns a crop top... Do I like them? No! But I want her to make her own choices. it's just fashion, she looks better than I did in my 80's shell suit!!! 😂 and she'll probably cringe when she sees the photos! All part of growing up!!! X

Knowwhatimeanjellybean · 29/04/2017 20:16

There was a child in my daughter's nursery wearing one the other day (age 4), I couldn't stop looking it was so awful!

Original poster
Bringmesunshite · 29/04/2017 20:16

Thanks Hotpink - sounds reasonable to me.

OP posts:
Moussemoose · 29/04/2017 20:21

Chokers have sexual overtones if you can't see then good for you. When you wear one it 'feels' different and people, men, react to you differently.

I would not let as child wear one. That may well be my issue but I would rather be careful.

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