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AIBU?

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Original poster

'Free birthing' AIBU to think this woman should not be encouraging people to do this

628 replies

WilliowGreen · 28/04/2017 22:52

In this guardian article this woman boasts about her wonderful birth experience by rejecting all care including scans because "it was not empowering".
Before I had my baby (she is 2 weeks old) I would probably have thought her lack of self awareness was funny. Now it quite irrationally fills me with rage.
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/apr/28/experience-i-had-a-free-birth.

OP posts:
clumsyduck · 29/04/2017 22:22

No I get that johnny there is ways a risk and not all risks can be picked up on.

I posted upthread about how I had an emergency section because ds got stuck and was struggling ( heart rate dropping ) big baby and in awkward position despite been consistently told he was going to be small ( I was small bump wise ) at multiple check ups and latterly that he was in a good position for delivery .

so I get how in this way some of the medical intervention up to the point of delivery was kind of pointless in a sense , as they were wrong and I was unprepared for a big baby that could possibly get stuck and had I decided on home birth id be armed with incorrect Information so I do get what you mean however at the point all this was critical I was in the right place with people with the experience to know how to proceed correctly to keep us both safe . Which they did thankfully

So to me it's about minimising the risk as best we can .

And also if this story had just been picked up on fair enough but she is actively promoting it which I feel is wrong .

Jux · 29/04/2017 22:31

Good luck, Little.

If it's any comfort, our old next door neighbour (not old in age, she's moved!), had the same experience as you are having now. When her baby was born, he was treated immediately, and then some months later had a heart op. He was fine, and is fine. I hope that helps you a little.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 29/04/2017 22:45

Oh Clumsy I am all about minimising risk, myself! I had every test going (my phone just autocorrected that to "I had every twat going" Blush )

Your experience sounds really difficult and I am sorry. I had the opposite in a way: was told I was high risk due to my own medical issues and then baby diagnosed at 20w scan with a condition that required postbirth surgery and was a marker for Downs syndrome. But that turned out to be a misdiagnosis and so after 13 tense weeks of monitoring I was returned to MW care and eventually had a drugfree home birth. Which was lucky as it turns out I give birth in about an hour start to finish Shock

I would not follow this woman's path and agree she is a bit of a knobber by the looks of it. I have no problem with people criticising her blatant self publicising or explaining why they think she is wrong.

But a lot of posts (NOT yours!) have had a really unpleasant tone to them, inc scaremongering from some professionals who should imo know better.....

Anyhow, probably posted enough on this thread so night night Flowers

clumsyduck · 29/04/2017 22:50

Dam autocorrect BlushGrin

Yes I agree this should not be about bashing homebirths and I'm glad that what must have been a very worrying time for you during pregnancy turned out well.
Yes I'm going to bow out to johnny night Smile

SecretFreebirther · 29/04/2017 22:51

I've name-changed for this.
I've resisted posting so far as I really don't want to get drawn into a heated debate but as there aren't many of us I thought I'd represent as somebody who has had a freebirth. Nobody except dh knows this as we maintained to everyone it was a BBA (born before arrival) at a planned homebirth.
Definitely not done for attention seeking. Nor do I advocate it as a good choice for other people. The safest option would have been with a skilled and trusted Midwife but in the absence of this I made the best decision for me (and my baby)
Of course birthing unassisted is risky. I've worked on a labour ward and seen cord prolapses, shoulder dystocia, pph etc....I had to balance this risk with the risk of a cascade of intervention/emcs leading to an increased mortality rate which in my experience/opinion was greater.
I think it is important to say that I would have stood by my decision even if it had gone wrong, it would be totally hypocritical not to. I did however attend all my antenatal appointments and scans to know that I was as low risk as it was possible to be.
I was very confident that my chances of a good birth were high and did as much preparation as possible (3 previous births without pain relief helped) Dh knew to call an ambulance in the event of bleeding and I know the optimal positions to get into in the event of cord prolapse or shoulder dystocia. I know how long it takes to prep a theatre for a crash section and get all the staff there ready to go anyway. I'm aware a 10 minute delay could mean life or death but that minuscule risk was one I was prepared to take. It goes without saying we both brushed up on resuscitation. In the event, I laboured for about 3 hours one evening at 42 weeks and ds was born into dh's hands.
I will admit that once he was born I felt an immediate responsibilty towards him and we rang the midwife to come and do his obs fairly soon.
I have RTFT so no need to point out the many contradictory views that have already been made. I'm sorry to anyone who has had a bad experience and I hope one day we can all have safe and happy birthings. I know I was lucky.

NameyMcNamechangechange · 29/04/2017 23:06

SecretFreebirther, thanks for your post. When you say there aren't many of you, are you referring to an organised group?

CoteDAzur · 29/04/2017 23:09

"I've worked on a labour ward and seen cord prolapses, shoulder dystocia, pph etc....I had to balance this risk with the risk of a cascade of intervention/emcs leading to an increased mortality rate which in my experience/opinion was greater. "

You could say "No" to intervention and it would not become a 'cascade of intervention'. But you would have doctors and emergency personnel nearby if you needed them.

How do you justify staying miles away from the nearest medical professional during birth?

You & DH brushed on your resuscitation skills? Come on.

SecretFreebirther · 29/04/2017 23:09

Ha no! I didn't mean it to sound like 'we' are a group. I don't know anyone else who has done this.

SecretFreebirther · 29/04/2017 23:20

Cote I will only comment on how this differs to an assisted homebirth as obviously a hospital delivery is not at all comparable. By declining all VEs and monitoring during labour which I could have done if all my community midwives weren't so bloody awful the main difference a Midwife's presence would have made was if a complication arose during delivery. But even a Midwife being present puts you against the clock as I had at a previous homebirth 'if you don't get this baby out by 6pm you'll HAVE to go in and have your waters broken' It's all very well just to 'say no' but to put you under that pressure when you're in established labour is not conducive to speeding things up.

Jux · 29/04/2017 23:22

SecretFreebirther, I'm glad you had such a good experience. The difference between you and Lacey is that you had all your ante-natal checks and your choice was informed. Hers wasn't, despite her thinking it was.

SecretFreebirther · 29/04/2017 23:26

Yes for various reasons mentioned upthread I felt that was fairly critical. Making sure my Hb was good, baby head down (I would have attempted a breech vaginal delivery but not home alone!) and cervix clear of the os etc....

SecretFreebirther · 29/04/2017 23:27

Placenta clear of the os obviously Blush

malificent7 · 30/04/2017 06:33

The bits that got me were:

She blew dry her hair so she looked good for her new baby.

She didnt think if it as pain but as sensation.... priceless!

PossumInAPearTree · 30/04/2017 06:50

I read an article once about a woman who declined all scans and antenatal care, had a home birth and fairly late in rang for a midwife.

Two midwives came and baby delivered at home quite quickly. Woman quickly got some more contractions, midwife was expecting the placenta and a foot appeared! Undiagnosed twins.

That woman was so lucky that firstly the midwife hadn't given the injection for the placenta to come which would have possibly closed the cervix within a few minutes. Thatbthe twins hadn't got twin to twin transfusion in pregnancy or that they'd locked chins in labour with one being breech and one being cephalic.

angryladyboobs · 30/04/2017 07:01

You do what you need to, to ensure your baby is safe and healthy.

Selfishness

SecretFreebirther · 30/04/2017 07:06

possum obviously a twin delivery is very high risk but it would have been an incompetent midwife who gave a synto injection without at least palpating an unscanned woman. I think there's a video on YouTube of a couple freebirthing undiagnosed footling breech twins Shock

MiniAlphaBravo · 30/04/2017 07:06

I agree that this is her choice as she has bodily autonomy. She is also lucky that it went well.

I had a home birth for dd2 and lots of people looked at me as if I was crazy or told me that I was, or said I was brave or asked me to reconsider etc. Its totally different to free birthing as has been pointed out previously. But even at my homebirith I was told I had to have a VE when the midwife arrived. Sticking her hand in broke my waters and dd2 was then born sideways on. I've since read up that babies can turn better in the waters and wonder whether the VE was the problem... incidentally I was also told she'd be 8lbs and she was 9lb 6. I am sure my sister was given an incorrect dTe for her baby's gestation which ended up in her being induced early and a very distressing emcs. Luckily her baby was fine and she's recovered well but sometimes (obviously not always and there are some clear examples of where antenatal care can be a wonderful thing) antenatal care is such an inexact science that it can be unhelpful.

Incidentally baby and I were absolutely fine but I did have to push for an hour. Was given lots of deadlines and ended up with another 2nd degree tear. Obviously I'll never know if the birth would have been more straightforward without the VE.

Having said all that I would still not have a free birth. Though I've decided not to have any more children, partly due to the positioning of dd2 and I don't want to risk that again. That's fine though as I am very lucky to have two healthy children.

Believeitornot · 30/04/2017 07:08

You do what you need to, to ensure your baby is safe and healthy

Things like C-sections (which sometimes aren't necessary but end up happening due to poor labour management), pain relief for mother and amniocentesis increase risks or can harm the baby.

So it's a bit disingenuous to think that doing it one way is selfish.

As someone said upthread, it's worth reading about the medicalisation of pregnancy and childbirth. If the medical profession really put the interests of women and babies first, it would be different. More midwives, better birthing centres, more locations for giving birth etc etc etc.

foxer · 30/04/2017 07:28

Birth centres are being built though, my nearest one is just lovely, and certainly the midwives in my area are very enthusiastic about homebirths. Obviously the NHS is stretched but I think this is a positive sign.

MaisyPops · 30/04/2017 07:41

SecretFreebirther
You had all the scans and checks and made an informed decision. Which, whilst I don't agree with it persoanlly, I respect your right to make that choice and many women do give birth 'born before arrival'. I would never make the comments about someone like you that I have about the woman in the article.

I view your story as different from the woman in the article. You had scans, knew you were low risk & made appropriate safeguards. You also didn't go around putting photos of your placenta on instagram and writing self indulgent articles in an arrogant patronising tone about how amazing you are, nor have you attempted to suggest that your way was the best/you deserve kudos for being a free spirit.

The woman in question seems big on self publicity as part of her "I'm so unique and quirky. Look at me and my natural goodness" brand. I view her as no different to unqualified vloggers dishing out diet advice about their chosen brand of orthorexic eating. I'd have massive issues with her implicitly giving advice or acting as a model for a 'birthing experience'.

Headofthehive55 · 30/04/2017 08:12

cote I was lied to in order for me to agree to a section.

SecretFreebirther · 30/04/2017 08:41

Maisy thank you for your measured response. I agree that Lacey's public image may be dangerous to women who choose to go into this without being so well informed, however I do think it's important to challenge the misconception that hospital=safe.

Albadross · 30/04/2017 08:48

Finn has a perm and a moustache btw...

derxa · 30/04/2017 08:50

Finn has a perm and a moustache btw... He looks like the dancing one in Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

GriefLeavesItsMark · 30/04/2017 08:59

I think he looks like Ned Flanders.