'Free birthing' AIBU to think this woman should not be encouraging people to do this

[WilliowGreen]

In this guardian article this woman boasts about her wonderful birth experience by rejecting all care including scans because "it was not empowering".
Before I had my baby (she is 2 weeks old) I would probably have thought her lack of self awareness was funny. Now it quite irrationally fills me with rage.
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/apr/28/experience-i-had-a-free-birth.

many years ago one of my first takes in A&E was a floppy newborn and mother who was bleeding out - free birthing going very wrong. Mother survived after major surgery but baby died.

I think that is stupidity more than arrogance Instasista
Apologies, I thought you were referring to women in general making choices.

You will! There's a lifetime ahead. The early bit is quite rubbish for lots of people, and that's so hard because all you see is people who seem so sorted with it all. When I spoke to friends later we were able to acknowledge how hard first baby was. Again, there's the dream vs the reality.

^^ that was to lelapute

Sooooo

"I chose never to use the word “pain” but “sensation”. If I had let my mind take me to a place of pain I think I’d have lost my shit.

My water broke at 10pm on Sunday. Flynn and Claire thought it was hilarious that I blow-dried my hair; I wanted to look good for my baby girl.

By now, I was making primal noises and I couldn’t get any respite from the pain"

Is it just me or is that totally contradictory re pain??

lelapaletute hi

I had a very positive experience at 40+14. I am sorry about your bad experience.

I had a worse experience with ds2 and felt afterwards as you do -disconnected. Like you I did not feel like a MH ex would help.
I did agree to see a consultant psychiatrist in the end. She sent back a letter that said I was adjusting to stuff that was a big deal. That was oddly helpful and empowering.

So the only unusual thing was that unlike in a "normal" home birth the midwives werent there all the time.

you clearly know nothing about homebirth. In fact your knowledge sounds similar to that of my Dad.

Point 1: Scans are one of the ways that it is determined that you are low risk
Point 2: Regular checks, as above determine you are low risk
Point 3: The MW checks baby's heartbeat regularly in labour towards the end a lot, more than in hospital because they need to be sure all is well.
Point 4: the MWs carry drugs in case you heamorrage, the same that would be administered in hospital.
Point 5: MWs are specifically trained in recusitating babies
Point 6: A standard HB is just like being in a delivery suite, progress was written on the board of the local CLU and they were on standby for issues.

Things have changed since call the midwife. Homebirths are well planned/ monitored and that is why in the modern day with phones in our homes and electric lighting they are perfectly safe for low risk women.

Having a midwife pop in a couple of times on the other hand

But Mrs DV I don't think rude or brusque comments or uncomfortable post natal wards are in the same league as having 7 unnecessary surgical procedures or surgery which left cancer cells behind.

ok!

I'm not the enemy here, and nor is your poor dad.

OK probably not but I fell out with my usually lovely dad over it (for about an hour until he changed the subject)

That can happen when you know a lot about a subject and are passionate.

But lepel PND doesn't necessarily manifest as standard depression (despite the name) It can manifest as anxiety, obsessional thoughts, feelings of helplessness, etc.

If how you are feeling is damaging how you're bonding with your baby then there is help for you. You cannot control your hormones, and some women are very sensitive to hormonal fluctuations. You wouldn't be able to mentally control your diabetes would you? So why do you think you can control this?

You can easily BF whilst taking an AD (I did). I found that once the AD had kicked in, my relationship toward DD1 started to progress and strengthen normally.

derxa I WISH my only gripe about the hospital was rude/brusque midwives or uncomfortable post natal wards. My experiences when I had cervical cancer were less traumatic than my birth. and thats a fact. I appreciate its not that way for everyone, but the idea that I avoided hospitals because someone made me cry is frankly, insulting.

Someone else upthread hit the nail on the head saying it's all about her.

It really is , article links to her Instagram some bollocks about radicalising motherhood and what a warrior she is blah blah . Yes love . women have been giving birth for years it's just that now in a lot of countries we have the added bonus of decent medical care thankfully . ( as I said upthread in my case with ds very thankful for the medical experts present )

Il reiterate what others have said too . she is in that position of been smug because it all worked out . We've prob all done it with one thing or another in life , it's just the price to pay in this scenario is way way higher than anything I can think of that iv ever taken a gamble on .

I don't think rude or brusque comments or uncomfortable post natal wards
Nor do I.
I never made that comparison.
I am talking about 'you didn't die did you?'
I made that pretty clear in my posts.

Great I don't want to dismiss your experience. What happened?

I declined scans because it made no difference to me whether the baby was healthy or not as to whether i would carry on the pregnancy or not

But if the baby had a condition which needed immediate attention when born, would it not be safer to know and be prepared?

MaQueen I know my own mind. It isn't depression. I am sad, and for a legitimate reason. I need to find a way to move on from it. But bring labelled mentally ill isnot the way that will work for me.

It isn't affecting our bond so much as how I relate to her. I don't feel like I deserve her, or can meet her needs. I don't trust myself to know what she needs. I imagine these are fairly standard new mum feelings, they are just hugely magnified by my feeling that I let her down with her birth. I'm hoping as she progresses from the newborn phase and her need for me and only me gets less intense, I will stop feeling so anxious and unworthy. As I say,I don't think this is depression, just exaggerated anxiety and a sort of mourning for the birth I would have wanted for her.

I declined scans because it made no difference to me whether the baby was healthy or not as to whether i would carry on the pregnancy or not

Or whether baby was growing properly or not? Whether there were 1 or 2? Whether your placenta was in a safe place for vaginal delivery?

Re "point 4" (and. Id planned a homebirth!!) the drugs for pph didn't work, hence I had a huge life threatening ooh and needed consultant anaethestist, etc to do the procedures which if a different consultant /less experienced consultant was on would have been ahysterectomy to save my life.

I would not have survived
The journey to hospital. I can only hope I'd have been transferred before the pph but as it happened with birth who knows.

The fact I planned a hb and.yet ended up in icu with the birth, and the dice with death still freaks ne out. I want suite distressed by what might have been for a long time.

Lelap

I think that accepting your feelings as reasonable is the best start. It amazes me sometimes, women are allowed to be upset about being dumped after a few dates with some complete loser but if you are upset about something in relation to childbirth/ breastfeeding you are just told to get over it and feel grateful for your baby being alive and well. The two don't seem comparable to me.

What is your health visitor like? Could you talk to her about it? The thing is you may not be depressed now, but you may well become depressed if you don't find a way of coming to terms with it

country who knows what might have happened? It is impossible to know what v the difference would have been but let's be thankful all is well. Women don't die all over the place in hb from pph, but lots think it would have happened to them.

I'd have died had I not had instant blood and then icu. I can only hope Id have been transferred to hospital for some niggle or other before the birth.

I think worldwide pph is one.of the biggest killers in childbirth. I am aware I'm a rare case though has my womb wouldn't contract and that couldn't be predicted.

I actually regret starting this thread now. I was a bit harsh on poor Lacey. I didn't mean to critisise anyone for their choices it is just the idea of this bloody terrifies me because I would have died and so would my baby. I also turned down the Downs Syndrome test because it wouldn't make a difference to whether I kept the baby so I think it is important that you can decline interventions that are not right for you.
I have looked at the instagram and she seems like a sweet person and she must be upset by all the criticism even though she doesn't want to listen to negativity.

Jeez...it's even worse than that positive birthing crap Milli Hill was spouting in the Telegraph a few weeks ago.

I'm still alive because I put myself and my DD in the hands of "the system". It was scary, of course. Some things didn't go well and I certainly didn't feel like I was in control. But if I'd taken matters into my own hands it would have been even worse...and it's hard to feel empowered when you're dead.