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AIBU?

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Original poster

'Free birthing' AIBU to think this woman should not be encouraging people to do this

628 replies

WilliowGreen · 28/04/2017 22:52

In this guardian article this woman boasts about her wonderful birth experience by rejecting all care including scans because "it was not empowering".
Before I had my baby (she is 2 weeks old) I would probably have thought her lack of self awareness was funny. Now it quite irrationally fills me with rage.
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/apr/28/experience-i-had-a-free-birth.

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 29/04/2017 12:38

I think women do feel harassed if they don't "choose" the right option. The right option is sometimes different to what they would choose.

BattleaxeGalactica · 29/04/2017 12:38

Thank you, user Smile

Mothervulva · 29/04/2017 12:39

She's a certain type of person who clusters round places like Stoke Newington. There's a whole scene round there which can be supportive, but also judgemental I you're not down with the unassisted birth/baby 'wearing'/weaving baby hats from your pubes scene. I attended a pregnancy yoga class during my second pregnancy and the teacher was talking about remedies for teething pain, amber etc and asked what I did. 'Calpol' was my reply. There was silence of judgement in the room.

Whatigotoschoolfor · 29/04/2017 12:39

Why does it matter what she chose ? I understand that she probably shouldn't be shoving it in people's faces but at the end of the day whether you agree or not it is her body and and a foetus has no rights . I have four children - one of them was stillborn due to hospital error and the other three I was ignored , even had hands shoved inside me without my consent and was also injected with pain relief that I hadn't consented to or asked for - if I have another child then damn right I will make my own INFORMED choices about my care and what is right for ME and what will make ME feel safe . And yes , I likely will free birth because even having a midwife in the same room as me send my blood pressure sky high and causes an anxiety attack . I will deal with this for antenatal appointments and for post partum visits but during labour , no way .

Whatigotoschoolfor · 29/04/2017 12:43

I should add , apart from my stillbirth , my other three labours were very straightforward so there was no emergency or excuse that could be used for the behaviour exhibited towards me . It also seems to be standard for women in this area to receive the same sort of treatment that I did

Headofthehive55 · 29/04/2017 12:43

Pain relief you hadn't asked for - that's awful!
I had a dr demanding to know "why this lady hasn't had pain relief? " er cos I didn't need any so didn't ask?

Whatigotoschoolfor · 29/04/2017 12:46

Yes I believe it was a pethidene injection ?

QuackDuckQuack · 29/04/2017 13:06

This reminds me of those "when we grew up in the 70s" things that go round Facebook and list dangerous things that people did but survived. The fallacy of it is that those who didn't survive are not on Facebook to point it out.

Annahibiscuits · 29/04/2017 13:17

I first birth was not great and I wasn't treated with much respect. Was stitched up badly. After care for 2nd was laughable. I'm alive and have 2 alive children. That's all I really care about

hackmum · 29/04/2017 13:17

Corythatwas: "At the same time, I don't think that publishing your drivel in a large national newspaper is some kind of human right; common sense seems to suggest that this must be a "right" that is withheld from most of the population."

I think a bit of context might be helpful. This article was part of a series called "Experience", which runs every Saturday and features someone who has had a very unusual experience - they got lost in the desert, for example, or bitten by a shark. The whole point is to highlight human experiences that are out of the ordinary, not to say, "This is an example you should follow."

This is a rant for another time, but I do find it unfortunate that people who don't buy the print edition of a paper then click on a link online and make a snap judgement about what they've read.

Annahibiscuits · 29/04/2017 13:21

You expel what is essentially an internal organs out of your body through your vagina. There is tearing and screaming and blood and gloop and poo. I'm not sure it's supposed to be achieved without feeling vulnerable and at least a bit traumatized

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 13:21

hackmum

I read the Guardian

I also see very clearly that she's selling something.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 29/04/2017 13:24

I see your point hackmum but at the same time the people bitten by sharks aren't writing pieces talking about how safe it was to have their arm ripped off and swimming in shark infested waters is actually very empowering and by the way, I earn my crust as a shark-wrangler, throwing other people from my boat where they may or may not get eaten.

Annahibiscuits · 29/04/2017 13:24

It's not an unusual experience though hackmum, not in the slightest. Millions of women give birth this way, all over the world. Many die, or their babies die

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 13:25

Tony Grin

BillSykesDog · 29/04/2017 13:29

This is a rant for another time, but I do find it unfortunate that people who don't buy the print edition of a paper then click on a link online and make a snap judgement about what they've read

The main way of consuming news these days is online. The Guardian sells fuck all print copies. Interpretation of it online is just as valid if not more so than the print version as that's the version most people consume.

MyBreadIsEggy · 29/04/2017 13:39

I've had two very straightforward, textbook labours and births. First in hospital, second at home with a very "hands off" midwife who pretty much just observed the whole thing and let me get on with it - the most involved she got was to guide my DH's hand to deliver my DS. I put in birth plan that I didn't want anyone ther than myself or DH to touch my son until we had enjoyed at least 60 mins (The golden hour) of skin-to-skin and breastfeeding and she completely respected that. She did not touch my baby until the cord was cut about 2 hours after he was born. He was then weighed, dressed etc.
When DH and I decide the time is right to have baby number 3, I would definitely consider free birthing. I would however still have ultrasounds to ensure no abnormalities with the baby/placenta that could cause problems during labour or delivery. If all is well, I am more than happy to give birth without a medical professional present.

JanetBrown2015 · 29/04/2017 13:45

A lovely article. Thank for printing the link. It is not for everyone but my home birth was the best of all and my mother felt the same about her home births.

Luckily English law is on our side - women own their own bodies and you have the right to make decisions about how you give birth and where. I am not sure I would have gone on as long as she did but it was her choice.

The free birth (birth number 9 or something) of the North Yorks Shepherdess was similarly rather wonderful too.

Blowingthroughthejasmineinmymi · 29/04/2017 13:54

My consultant is a member of the Birth Trauma Assc which recognizes birth trauma, even for women with so called perfect labour and births, and everyone fine after wards - except - Mentally.

She was adamant you can never tell with birth what caused what.

Did an "intervention" happen due to hosptial practice ie being monitored, or due to that birth needing that intervention. No figures or feed back is clear. There is no form after labour to ask every patient how was it for you is there! After my first labour I would have said bloody awful - but my labour would have been recorded as text book and shoved into some stats somewhere that all was well. Medically it was - emotionally I had to have an ELC second time round.

I mentioned being denied the epidural due to it slowing labour down, Consultant didn't agree, she said you do know, you cant pin one on the other in such a way as every labour is different.

Blowingthroughthejasmineinmymi · 29/04/2017 13:56

I am glad all women can get to make choices - I would never ever encourage a first timer to have a home birth however - but by baby no 9 - you are going to know what you want and need arn't you.

I just hope those choices open up to include ELC as well in future as a perfectly acceptable normal choice to have a baby come out that way.

HomityBabbityPie · 29/04/2017 13:56

Ffs this article is not about a "home birth". Home births HAVE MIDWIVES PRESENT. And most women who give birth at home in the uk have attended scans and antenatal appointments.

Blowingthroughthejasmineinmymi · 29/04/2017 14:00

I had a dr demanding to know "why this lady hasn't had pain relief? " er cos I didn't need any so didn't ask?

But thats a good thing HeadoftheHive.

You must remember there is some strange movement out there thats wants women to do it without pain relief, its good that the doctor was making sure you were OK.

I asked for an epidural I would have loved a doctor to come in and ask MW why have I had not had it. I had massage oils instead Hmm the consultant laughed and said at that stage of labour no oils would help, and they bloody didnt.

There is massive expose of hospital right now that babies and mothers have died at because there was a culture of no inventions etc.

Annahibiscuits · 29/04/2017 14:03

I think it's the same as anti vaxxers in a way. Birth has been made much safer DUE to intervention and monitoring. So then people feel that it's safe to reject all that/have a birth without pain/

Butteredparsnip1ps · 29/04/2017 14:06

but by baby no 9 - you are going to know what you want and need arn't you

by baby number 9 the risks of complications are higher. Not lower.

splendide · 29/04/2017 14:09

I had a home birth with my first and would definitely recommend it for other first timers. It was lovely.

Not at all the same as a free birth though! Not even close.