To get a cleaner as a SAHM

[Jupitertomars]

OH works very long hours when at home then works abroad 1-2 weeks every month or 2.

He does a week of on call every month too and in this week he works from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed (hes in IT so works from home) and also gets phoned during the night.

I have a 7 month old who is EBF and still wakes 2-3 times during the night and a 5 year old at school.

The 5 year old goes to football 3 times a week and swimming once a week.

I cook all the babys meals from scratch and freeze them as shes weaning but this takes a couple of hours each week.

I also do all the cooking at home. My OH works and sometimes puts the older child to bed if work permits but everything else I do.

Theres constantly something that needs done in the house no matter how many hours I spend tidying, cleaning, cooking, ironing, washing ect.

All of the homework is left to me and the caring and playing with the kids. We live in a 5 bed house and every room seems like something needs done.

I try to spend my free time playing and teaching the baby during the day then when she naps ill do housework then the school run then homework then after school clubs then dinner then bedtime then housework then my bedtime then night feeds.

Its getting too much for me and I cant breathe at the thought of it. My baby is also possibly delayed which is why playing with her during the day is so important to me instead of sitting her down infront of the tv to get jobs done.

Also its not OH fault, he literally works so unbelievably hard.

So am I lazy to get hired help even though I don't work? We probably could afford it but would perhaps need to cut some other things out.

I just feel guilty and like im failing as im a sahm but want a cleaner.

Any thoughts?

I had a cleaner for 6 months-year after the birth of each child. We lived in a smallish flat at the time. Our cleaner quite literally saved my sanity and if we could have afforded it I would have kept her on.

Childcare is a full time job. If you were looking after someone else's baby you would get paid for what you do and society would see you as a member of the workforce. Please, don't think twice about getting a cleaner.

If it works for you and your family then go for it. None of anyone else's business!

This!

I agree you should try to get a mothers help, who will do other things as well as clean.

And you should see your GP about that feeling that you can't breathe.

What's the expression 'you do you' ?? Something like that. I'd love a cleaner and I haves husband who works from home, no kids yet, small house and not a hugely taxing job, (it's quite physical but not exhausting). I just fucking hate housework and I'd gladly pay another person to do it.
You aren't asking someone to do it for free, you are paying for a service, I don't see it as any different to paying a plumber or a decorator, yes I could probably change a washer on a tap myself or paint that room, but I don't want to and can afford to pay a professional to do it for me. No shame in that.
Good luck x

Adding to the chorus of 'get a cleaner'!

I honestly think it'll make a big difference to your life. You will be more relaxed and have more free time. You are doing a great job but I think you will be happier with a bit of pressure taken off. I'm sure your DH will be happy as he probably feels guilty he is away so much and putting everything on you. If the roles were reversed and you were the parent away, I bet your DH wouldn't think twice about getting a cleaner (and a nanny!)!

We don't have a cleaner but totally would in your situation. If we could afford it, we would, no need to justify it!

You'll be helping yourself & the economy. Go for it

yes get a cleaner.

Also one weekend rearrange your house with the help of DH. You don't need all five bedrooms in use all the time. Move all the things you need in daily life to three bedrooms and move rest of stuff to the remaining two bedrooms. Same would be for bathrooms if you have more than one. Now you don't need to clean those two bedrooms and extra bathroom as often. You could even lock them so kids don't go and mess it.

Are people really so jealous and petty that they'd make comments that a SAHM has a cleaner?

Yes. One of DH's colleagues thinks it's 'not right' that we have a cleaner while I'm at home with our DC. She still lives at home, has no children and treats her mum like a skivvy, so her thoughts carry very little weight IMO.

Do it. You definitely would benefit from it by the sounds of things as it will take pressure off you.

Ahh feels great (and surprising) to hear a unanimous response to get a cleaner.

I did initially have one when the baby was first born but only for 4 weeks and to be honest I find it more difficult to get housework done now compared to when she was first born as shes so incredibly clingly that I cant put her down without a tantrum.

I absolutely think everyone hit the nail on the head. I need to lower my standards. For some reason, since my daughter has been born, its brought out a side to me that is just causing so much anxiety and stress (not regarding the housework but basically just anything to do with her). It all needs to be "perfect" or the best possible and its just putting so much pressure and stress on me.

But its my own fault, for instance ive refused to give any jars or pouches and give her a wide variety of food every week. Which means hours cooking and freezing.

I also havnt wanted her watching any tv whatsoever so days are spent relentlessly trying to entertain her. Why? I have no bloody idea, I wasnt like this at all with my other child.

But all that pressure on myself plus the fact im doing everything alone is just too much.

Not sure what the answer is but hoping a cleaner will help somewhat.

Im desperate for a break but shes a bottle refuser and ive no idea how to go about leaving her. My older child was bottle fed so had no issue leaving him from a young age.

This time its so different. So consuming and im just really trying to do my best for her. I think mainly so that if her development delay does turn into something more substantial then I know ive done my best regardless.

And regarding her delay and whether it's been confirmed, it has but weve been told to just wait and see how she develops as its too early to say if its cause for concern as all babies are different.

Anyway think I will definitely be speaking to OH about a cleaner. Thanks for the replies.

SAHM to 2 sons aged 22 and 25 (years not months)!! Cleaner as often as possible. I hate housework etc. I look at is as I'm helping the economy by giving someone a job.
Actually i do work 2 days per week. But not exactly taxing. You can tell from my nickname the type of life I like and my frequent posts on telly addicts!!

Yanbu as long as you pay a living wage.

of course get a cleaner /housekeeper.
why would you not?!

can you just mash up/puree food you cook for older child and yourself?

rather than cooking lots of separate stuff.
and if you give her a jar or pouch sometimes, it;s not the end of the world.

ask HV about any developmental playgroups for under fives locally, it will give you the chance to meet other parents too in same position.

I feel exhausted reading that!

And if I were in your position, I wouldn't think twice.

Look after yourself

Good God - Definitely get one. You don't need to justify it.

It's just me and DP. I have a cleaner who does a lot of my laundry and ironing. Could I do it myself - yes. But my life is made better by 'outsourcing' that aspect of my life. Anyone who passes comment is given a cold hard stare.

If you can afford it and it would benefit you're life's why wouldn't you?

Relax! Get a cleaner. You sound knackered and you're already doing enough. I'd cancel the internet before I cancelled the cleaner! Get one immediately!

Ywbvvu not to get one if you could afford it. You need time to yourself too, for your own health.

It's not your own fault, don't fall into the blame trap- sometimes things just get overwhelming and you are doing fantastically.

If you can afford it, it's your own business.

Ive only ready the title just do it

Yes get a cleaner!!! We have one and I'm at home with out 7 month old. I love our cleaner

I am a SAHM and had a cleaner when the DC were toddlers for all of the reasons you gave in your OP. I stopped having a cleaner when my youngest started school. It was a massive help to me and gave me. more time to enjoy the children. It also allowed us to relax as a family together at the weekends.

My DC are older now and I'm considering hiring a cleaner again. My DC do so many activities , one of which involves me getting up at 5am two mornings a week and another that takes up the whole of Sunday. We are always flying in and out if the house leaving the dirty dishes and pots and pans out because we only just about have time to eat before running out to an activity. The house is a mess at the moment and yet I feel like I'm constantly tidying and cleaning but getting no where.

Most of my SAHM friends have cleaners at the moment.

You certainly do not need to justify it - get a cleaner!

Yes definitely do it! You haven't been sentenced to hard labour. Look after yourself; no one else is going to.

We've had a cleaner for years long before the dc came along as neither me or dh liked to clean.
I am now at stay home Mum and I'm still not cleaning, I love my cleaner she is brilliant.

You do not have to justify to anyone how you spend your money, if a cleaner will help take the weight off and you can afford it that's up to you. Your a stay at home Mum looking after your dc no rule says you have to clean as well