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Original poster

To get a cleaner as a SAHM

125 replies

Jupitertomars · 28/04/2017 09:53

OH works very long hours when at home then works abroad 1-2 weeks every month or 2.

He does a week of on call every month too and in this week he works from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed (hes in IT so works from home) and also gets phoned during the night.

I have a 7 month old who is EBF and still wakes 2-3 times during the night and a 5 year old at school.

The 5 year old goes to football 3 times a week and swimming once a week.

I cook all the babys meals from scratch and freeze them as shes weaning but this takes a couple of hours each week.

I also do all the cooking at home. My OH works and sometimes puts the older child to bed if work permits but everything else I do.

Theres constantly something that needs done in the house no matter how many hours I spend tidying, cleaning, cooking, ironing, washing ect.

All of the homework is left to me and the caring and playing with the kids. We live in a 5 bed house and every room seems like something needs done.

I try to spend my free time playing and teaching the baby during the day then when she naps ill do housework then the school run then homework then after school clubs then dinner then bedtime then housework then my bedtime then night feeds.

Its getting too much for me and I cant breathe at the thought of it. My baby is also possibly delayed which is why playing with her during the day is so important to me instead of sitting her down infront of the tv to get jobs done.

Also its not OH fault, he literally works so unbelievably hard.

So am I lazy to get hired help even though I don't work? We probably could afford it but would perhaps need to cut some other things out.

I just feel guilty and like im failing as im a sahm but want a cleaner.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Elphaba99 · 28/04/2017 10:25

YANBU but you are being too hard on yourself. The "can't breathe" sounds like anxiety. Have you been tested for PND?

You sound like a lovely dedicated Mum but trust me, there is nothing wrong with Cbeebies or whatever it is these days in small doses. Even if you watch it with baby to start with.

knackeredinyorkshire · 28/04/2017 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedSkyAtNight · 28/04/2017 10:27

I agree with others that if you can afford a cleaner (and you think what you would have to give up to pay for one is worth it) then you should feel free to go ahead.

That said

  • lack of sleep makes everything feel worse
And
  • you are putting a huge amount of pressure on yourself. Do you "have" to do everything on your list? It sounds as though, even with a cleaner you should look at how much you do and factor in giving yourself a break! I'd really suggest resting when baby naps rather than doing housework and a 7 month old really doesn't need you to actively sit and play with them constantly - they will get just as much out of sitting and washing you (say) sort the washing while you chat to them.
OnionKnight · 28/04/2017 10:27

We have a cleaner and we don't have kids, do it.

HolditFinger · 28/04/2017 10:28

Do it! It'll make your life so much easier. If anyone tries to make you feel guilty, remember that you'll be giving someone employment. I wouldn't feel bad about that at all!

MrsGB2225 · 28/04/2017 10:29

I'm a SAHM and have a cleaner. I don't care what people think! It's the best money we spend all week

RoganJosh · 28/04/2017 10:30

Not what you're asking, but wouldn't your five yr old's food be suitable for the baby? If you change how you chop carrots to be battons etc, no reason why a baby can't manage most of the food? If you want to, of course, just thinking it would be a big time saving.

MeadowDream · 28/04/2017 10:31

Life is too short!
If you can afford it, get a cleaner. You do not have to justify it in any way at all.
I'm all for making life easier where I can
Be kind to yourself Flowers

Hygellig · 28/04/2017 10:32

We got a cleaner when DS was 20 months old even though I was a SAHM. I just found it hard to keep on top of things and to get anything done when he was awake. We don't have one any more and I have more time now they are both at school in the mornings. It sounds like you are struggling and if you had a cleaner you could just focus on the children and not worry about the house.

BIWI · 28/04/2017 10:33

When you have children, and you stay at home to bring them up, you're doing the job of parenting. Why should that suddenly equate to housekeeper/cleaner as well?

Your DH is doing a full time job, you're also doing a (very) full time job. No idea why we always seem to think that suddenly the one at home, parenting, has to take on these extra duties as well.

Get a cleaner!

BitchQueen90 · 28/04/2017 10:33

YANBU and I say this as a single mum who could never afford a cleaner. You don't even need to justify it. I hate cleaning, I'd get a cleaner if I could simply because I couldn't be arsed to do it. Grin

User2468 · 28/04/2017 10:35

So glad you posted this! In a similar situation but i feel getting a cleaner is failing a my 'job'.

We have compromised and we're going to get a spring clean done and then try and keep on top of it (until we need another 'spring' clean!)

fourandnomore · 28/04/2017 10:37

You should definitely get a cleaner and it sounds like things are getting on top of you and like you may be suffering some anxiety. I think if having a cleaner relieves some of that then brilliant but if it doesn't I would definitely talk to your doctor just for a bit of support. Life sounds very busy and overwhelming so getting a cleaner may really help. Flowers

Verbena37 · 28/04/2017 10:38

Get a cleaner. As everybody else has said, you don't have to justify it to anybody....especially not even yourself.

Let's face it, if we all won the lottery tomorrow, nobody would work and we'd all get a cleaner.
You might not always need somebody to clean for you but whilst you can afford it and you want somebody, then of course you should.

Even if she or he only does your floors, hoovering and bathrooms, what a massive difference that will make.

We had a daily housekeeper a few years ago but she came with DHs job and we didn't have a choice. It took me a long time to get used to having someone in my house every day......making my bed if I'd forgotten to, folding my nightie up, doing my laundry, emptying the dishwasher etc and in the end I did get used to it but it was a bit strange.

Now though, we live in our own house and I'm a SAHM and DH refuses to have someone to clean unless I work full time (yes he lives in the dark ages). He reckons I could do everything in two days flat! I wish.

Treat yourself and find someone you trust to help you. Surely you'd only need a couple of hours once a week? It wouldn't be too much money.

user789653241 · 28/04/2017 10:39

My dsis used to get cleaner when she was on maternity leave. She hated cleaning, she actually got it from start of their marriage, and they can afford it. Why not?

soimpressed · 28/04/2017 10:39

I know several SAHM who have cleaners. Some of don't even have preschool children anymore. Go for it if you have the money. Don't feel guilty or that you need to justify it to anyone.

Jackiebrambles · 28/04/2017 10:39

OMG get a cleaner. I kept my cleaner on during both my maternity leaves without a second thought! If you can afford it, definitely do it!

And also if it helps take the pressure off don't stress about giving the baby food not made from scratch.....sounds like you've got an awful lot on!

FinallyHere · 28/04/2017 10:41

Dear User, I would be very wary if thinking that cleaning in your 'job'. Being a stay at home parent isn't an excuse for any other adults in the house to stop cleaning up after themselves. You might take on the responsibility for making sure some jobs get done. Contracting it out to a third party cleaner us a very reasonable way of doing that. Hope you find a good way forward.

Snowinsummer · 28/04/2017 10:42

My friend who lives on her own & works full time has a cleaner. Get a cleaner if you can afford it!
If you feel guilty about it, tell yourself it's only temporary

motherofdaemons · 28/04/2017 10:45

Oh my god get a cleaner. Get as much help as you can afford! Humans have not evolved to do the enormous task of raising a family alone.its no wonder so many of us are stressed, depressed and anxious.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 28/04/2017 10:45

You should get a cleaner.
You should also lower your standards. Like you say the most important thing right now is paying attention to the needs of you children. A few jobs not getting done isn't the end of the world. I agree with other posters that you should also get some time to your self (a least a couple of hours a week) too.

katronfon · 28/04/2017 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaxingJump · 28/04/2017 10:48

You never need to justify this sort of thing! If you can afford to make life easier and more pleasant then what on earth else would you spend your money on.

I would do it in a heartbeat and not feel the slightest bit guilty. What are we all here for!

Bluntness100 · 28/04/2017 10:49

If you can afford it do it, I've always had a cleaner, even before my daughter, although I've always worked, but cleaning is simply a chore.

Citizenoftheuniverse · 28/04/2017 10:50

Please get a regular cleaner, I had one on maternity leave and then stopped using one as I only work part time at it seemed lazy. Housework took over my life, it wasn't fun for anyone. Now we have a cleaning/ironing service every fortnight. It helps keep me sane.

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