To get a cleaner as a SAHM

[Jupitertomars]

OH works very long hours when at home then works abroad 1-2 weeks every month or 2.

He does a week of on call every month too and in this week he works from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed (hes in IT so works from home) and also gets phoned during the night.

I have a 7 month old who is EBF and still wakes 2-3 times during the night and a 5 year old at school.

The 5 year old goes to football 3 times a week and swimming once a week.

I cook all the babys meals from scratch and freeze them as shes weaning but this takes a couple of hours each week.

I also do all the cooking at home. My OH works and sometimes puts the older child to bed if work permits but everything else I do.

Theres constantly something that needs done in the house no matter how many hours I spend tidying, cleaning, cooking, ironing, washing ect.

All of the homework is left to me and the caring and playing with the kids. We live in a 5 bed house and every room seems like something needs done.

I try to spend my free time playing and teaching the baby during the day then when she naps ill do housework then the school run then homework then after school clubs then dinner then bedtime then housework then my bedtime then night feeds.

Its getting too much for me and I cant breathe at the thought of it. My baby is also possibly delayed which is why playing with her during the day is so important to me instead of sitting her down infront of the tv to get jobs done.

Also its not OH fault, he literally works so unbelievably hard.

So am I lazy to get hired help even though I don't work? We probably could afford it but would perhaps need to cut some other things out.

I just feel guilty and like im failing as im a sahm but want a cleaner.

Any thoughts?

I'm a SAHP and I have a cleaner.

DH is home by 6.30 every evening, DD1 is at preschool three days a week, and DD2 sleeps through. Neither child has additional care needs, and I have a small three bedroom house.

I hate cleaning, and we can afford it. So I have a cleaner.

You really don't need to justify it. Take a load off, get a cleaner.

At SAHM is just that a stay at home mum. Nowhere does SAHM say cleaner. With two young children you will have lots more mess than if you were a childless couple at work and you have way less time to do anything. I can't imagine when you would get time to throughly clean in your sitauation.

There is nothing wrong with having a cleaner. I had one when we both worked full time and were child free so we had more free time, through my maternity leave and now that I have gone back to work part time.

If you can afford it, then do it. You are making your life better and contributing to someone elses income. Win Win.
I have young children, a husband that works all hours and I work part time and we've just got a cleaner. It does make a difference. Because I only work part time though I still feel a bit guilty and see her as a luxury. God knows why.....

It's unanimous which is rare on MN, get a cleaner. Also please be kind to yourself, you sound like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. I may be banned from MN for saying this but it's ok to occasionally give your 5 year old fish fingers you know, it's ok to sometimes miss football, it's ok to sometimes leave the ironing. Have you spoken to someone about your concerns about your baby. My dh is away 2 nights per week, so much less than yours, and my children are older but I can still get overwhelmed by it all.

Sounds like you're feeling really anxious- have you ever had a panic attack/know what it is? Trying to get by a with little help really wears you down, especially if you're home a lot and see all the jobs that need doing.

Get a cleaner but If the worry is really starting to get to you talk to someone IRL. Be kind to yourself- and you need to have little breaks through the day, even if it's just 10 mins here and there.

You don't need to justify getting a cleaner. It sounds like you can afford it so just do it!

Do it. Don't feel guilty or feel the need to justify it to anyone. You're a stay at home MUM not stay at home housekeeper.

It also sounds like you need some time for yourself if you can even squeeze in half an hour a week then you will feel more human.

An you batch cook dinners and some time have a lazy dinner. My neighbour who has 2 under 2 has the same dinner two nights in a row so she only has to cook every other day.

When my DD was 7 months and would only sleep on me or in a moving pushchair my DH had to work away for the week. I used fewer rooms in the house to contain the mess. 5 bedrooms is a lot of spaces to keep tidy so maybe you could try shutting some of the doors and not using a few of the rooms for now.

Don't feel guilty at all! You have so much to do.

We have a cleaner and I don't have half as much to do as you. We have a massive house and a baby and that was justification enough for me. You need to have a bit of time to yourself.

you sound anxious and overwrought, and deal with that OP
Its getting too much for me and I cant breathe at the thought of it

spending 24/7 with the kids is really really hard, get some time out as a priority

have a fucking cleaner, and who cares what we say!

Of course you should. Why would anyone think you should should have a life of drudgery, just because you are looking after your young children. You have nothing to prove. Everyone knows in order to look after preschool children well, cook and have a clean house, you basically are on your feet stressed from when you wake up to when you go to sleep. It is not a badge of honour(though unfortunately is a necessity for many people)
If you can afford it, get as much help as you need to feel happier with your life. While our children were very small we prioritised help over holidays. Do not feel guilty.

Do it! I work but have a cleaner twice per month and get a short service and bedding laundry service.
So helpful and it is less than 100 quid per month, all in.
Being a sahm isn't really any different from working full time.

I think YABU to hire a cleaner.....you need so much more hahaa I think you need to hire a cleaner, babysitter, cook, gardener, and any other help you can get!

You work bloody hard with everything and so what if you don't it's no ones business! I am a SAHM and we have a cleaner every 2 weeks....couldn't careless what people think. I am with kids all day and then when there in bed I can't make loads of noise cleaning and more to the point that's my time to do a few household chores but my time to relax and watch shit tv!!

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I think you should look for a 'mother's help' or housekeeper/childcare type person. Basically someone who is capable, practical, good with children, and flexible about what they do. I have someone like this 3 days a week. She does whatever needs doing in the time - some of it is regular jobs (like changing the beds, hoovering & doing bathrooms). Other of it is variable - might be taking the kids to/from school, running errands, going to the tip for me. She is a good tidier, and does that thing of constantly tidying as she goes round the house, putting things to rights. You could have her look after the baby for a couple of hours so that you can go out and do things like go for a run/swim/have your haircut/see a friend and chat properly/shop for things that need browsing for

It makes a massive difference (my DH is also not around much in the week) - part of it is simply feeling that you are not the one who is responsible for EVERYTHING.

Another tip, is go out while they are cleaning so that you come back to a lovely clean tidy house. That moment of pleasure and relief goes a long way to helping mental calmness. (I even used to keep the toddlers out of the living room for the rest of the afternoon so that I could sit down to a tidy room in the evening - bliss!)

I am a SAHM and have two kids, one with SN. We have a cleaner. We got one a year ago when I was on the verge of some kind of breakdown over the stress of having a poorly baby and a toddler with autism. You don't need to justify yourself at all. My husband also works crazy hours as I can't work because of my son's SN and having a cleaner takes the stress off both of us. She does 2hrs a week in our smallish house and does a basic dust, Hoover, mop and cleans bathroom and wipes down kitchen. I keep on top of washing, changing beds and ironing.

Do it. Your own mental health is worth it :)

Definitely get a cleaner! Pay them fairly, create a really nice, friendly work environment for them, and make them feel valued and appreciated as an employee (as I'm sure you will!). You'll be able to hold your head up high, confident that you are adding to the pool of what is good in society. Be kind to yourself OP !

Op. Get a cleaner

Nobody needs to justify getting a cleaner. Even if your children were all at school or you didn't have children why shouldn't you spend your money on what you want to spend it on?!

Are people really so jealous and petty that they'd make comments that a SAHM has a cleaner? Wouldn't everyone rather pay someone else to clean so they could spend their time focused on their children and spouse instead of scrubbing the toilet?

Go for it OP.

Go go go for it! MN has practically decreed it

I'd love to afford a cleaner, even just a part time, couple of hours once or twice a week cleaner. Actually - now I've started myself down this path - I'd love to have someone come in for an hour in the mornings to help with breakfast and then I'll walk DD to school so DS can stay home and not have to come out in the cold.

I've been a SAHM for so long that I'm now looking after my grandchildren! And if one more person tells me how lucky I am to live a life of leisure I may acutally punch them. I have 2 days of toddler/babysitting, look after my elderly father, look after our dog and a friends dog a few times a week, do everything in the house and garden, cook, clean, wash.....and I'm beyond tired and exhausted most of the time. I also seem to pick up everything that the children get which doesn't help. It's not really much fun if I'm honest a lot of the time and I don't get many thanks for it either.
If you can afford help, get it. It isn't lazy, it isn't entitled and it should ease some of the pressure you're putting on yourself.

DH is a SAHD (mostly. He works part-time from home).

Anyhow... We have a cleaner (that also makes the dishes, the landry, the beds etc. Not sure what the English word is.)

I don't think there's anything wrong with it!!

Why should you clean if you don't have to? Isn't it great that you can use the time you'd use up with cleaning for yourself (like showering....) or with your DC?

This isn't meant personally OP, but god, why do some mums (me included) feel this pressure to account for all their time? Before we had kids, DH and I had a cleaner because basically we couldn't be arsed cleaning up after ourselves. And it never occurred to me to think of myself as lazy - I just didn't rate myself in that way. I cared that I was doing OK at my job and getting some exercise and that was it. Now I'm a SAHM to 5yo twins and I often feel insecure about how little work I do. I actually counted it up and I work more hours now with childcare (the kids are in part time Kindergarten, we live in Germany), housework I never used to do, our massive bloody garden and the home admin and stuff, than I ever did when I was childless and working full time.

And yes you should totally get a cleaner!