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Original poster

DP being "encouraging"

150 replies

2boytrouble · 28/04/2017 07:28

I started a new job in November. Where I've been less active so have put on a little bit of weight, not much as still wearing size 10 clothes. Though I do have a bigger stomach and love handles and thighs!

On Monday I tried to start a low carb diet. But as I mind two young boys, one 2 and one 5, I found that it was asking too much, so yesterday (Thursday) I decided I couldn't do it, my mind was messed up, I had no energy and felt really miserable which was not ideal for work.

In total carbs yesterday I ended up eatin 2 slices of bread and 3 fish fingers! That's all!

I came home to DP going on about how I can't be fat for holiday, that I need to be skinny to wear a bikini to which I ended up getting quite upset, and then him telling he forgives me for my reaction 😡
He tried to tell me he was being encouraging not going on and nagging about my weight.

Onto this morning. We've been thinking about having fish and chips for a while, as haven't had them in ages (6 years?) I said that yesterday while out with the children I'd actually stumbled across a fish and chips shop so said that later I'd go on the motorbike and get us all some (DP, DS and myself)

His answer was all "yes" until he comes through and goes "I hope this isn't an excuse for you to get fat like your sisters"

I'd replied "you're actually starting again"

To him "I'm not starting, how's that starting, what? Am I never allowed to mention your weight"

I left the room and haven't spoken to him since!

He's left and now there's a bit of argument brewing towards us but surely what he's saying isn't actually that bleady nice or "encouraging" I'm finding he's putting me down a lot and actually making me feel really worthless because I'm not "perfect"

OP posts:
ClemDanfango · 28/04/2017 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ceto · 28/04/2017 11:41

Slebs who are slim within days after having a baby do it by having personal trainers and going on stupid diets - it wouldn't surprise me if they don't use pills as well - so it's utterly ridiculous of your pot-bellied partner to suggest you should emulate them.

But the very fact that he goes to all the trouble of seeking out pictures of them and sending them to you shows just how much he focusses on the view that you have to have a good body for his majesty's benefit - and it shows what peculiar values he has. To him, all that matters is that you should look good for him - not your health, not your child's health and welfare, not your self-esteem, just your looks and your ability to do what he wants without questioning it. Silly little man.

Fuxfurforall · 28/04/2017 11:50

Be equally "encouraging" and suggest his big belly isn't beach-ready either.

Mrskeats · 28/04/2017 11:52

I think I was bigger than a 10 at birth
I echo what others have said-he makes himself feel big by belittling you
Time to have a serious think

PoorYorick · 28/04/2017 11:53

Haha at women who ping right back after pregnancy. If I had Hollywood beauty genes to start with, and could afford a night nurse, live in Nanny, chef and personal trainer, I would also look like Mila Kunis. I'm going to guess your moron of a husband isn't Tom Hardy?

PoorYorick · 28/04/2017 11:54

Hang on, you're not married. Well that might make things easier when you tell him to sling his hook.

DeleteOrDecay · 28/04/2017 11:57

He sends you photos of other slimmer women? WTF. I hardly ever say this but please consider LTB op. He's a twat.

DeleteOrDecay · 28/04/2017 11:59

And does he not realise that those women who ping back after pregnancy are in the minority? Hardly anyone does unless you've got good genes or the means to hire personal trainers, nanny's etc.

frieda909 · 28/04/2017 12:06

It does sound like you need to lose some weight. I think shifting the 15 stone or so of Grade A arsehole that's currently dragging you down should do it Smile

Foxysoxy01 · 28/04/2017 12:08

Life is far too short to be around people that make you feel like shit or make little digs at you.

You do know it's not normal for your partner to make little criticisms at you?

I would be having a chat, telling him clearly how he is making me feel and that he needs to stop. If he doesn't and continues to behave horribly I would be packing his bags and working on the massive dent he has probably made to your self esteem!

The old saying, you're a long time dead!
Why put up with feeling like shit?

Fuxfurforall · 28/04/2017 12:10

Of course the most effective way of shedding useless flab is to pack his bags and kick him out Smile

SkaterGrrrrl · 28/04/2017 12:10

His behaviour is disgusting. My DH would never, ever talk to me like this. Loving husbands are not critical or cruel. If you love a person their weight is irrelevant.

There are plenty of kind men out there who would appreciate you.

diddl · 28/04/2017 12:11

"went right back to being slim, with photos sent to my phone during the day of them"

That is just despicable beyond words.

Does he realise that all women are different-I'm guessing not tbh.

Has his body shape changed at all, even by the littlest bit-if so, what's his bloody excuse??!!

Agerbilatemycardigan · 28/04/2017 12:14

You're a talented, creative woman, who has created 2 new lives and you also happen to be a size 10. He's a pot-bellied, abusive, control freak who tries to boost his own flagging ego by crushing yours.

He feels threatened by you because deep down he knows that you're too good for him

Lemonnaise · 28/04/2017 12:47

Sending photos of slimmer women to your phone is despicable. He's an arsehole...get rid.

LittleGwyneth · 28/04/2017 12:47

He can go fuck himself with a rusty spoon.

WhatWouldDarylDixonDo · 28/04/2017 12:50

Ok, this is your DH so I'm not going to start name calling, but if it was mine, I'd be calling him a twat.

I'm a wobbly size 12. I'm not "fat fat" but I'm certainly not the svelte 9st 3 22 year old I was when we met 11.5 years ago. I've carried his children, nourished them in and out of utero, using my body. My boobs are saggy and I've got stretch marks on my belly.

I told DH I wasn't happy with my body, I felt unsexy, unconfident and unhealthy. His reaction "you're beautiful and sexy, but I think we can both eat a bit healthier. Let's make an effort to avoid crap for a while and cook healthier food"

THATS the reaction a loving partner makes. Not sending fucking pictures of skinny women.

thetemptationofchocolate · 28/04/2017 13:05

He is not a good man is he? How dare he forgive you for getting upset? Honestly, if he was standing in front of me right now I'd abandon my pacifist principles and smack him in the chops!

Sadly I doubt he will change even if you managed somehow to get it into his head how wrong he is. So that leaves you with two options - stay and carry on being dealt this shit, or leave. I know which one I'd pick...

PeaFaceMcgee · 28/04/2017 13:06

You're a talented, creative woman, who has created 2 new lives and you also happen to be a size 10. He's a pot-bellied, abusive, control freak who tries to boost his own flagging ego by crushing yours

Star
HappyFlappy · 28/04/2017 20:34

Point out that the women who are size 6 a fortnight after giving birth not only have easy lives and lots of personal cosseting, but that none of them would be seen dead with a fat-bellied arseh*le like him - unless he was worth his weight in diamonds, that is.

Meekonsandwich · 28/04/2017 21:12

Hahaha you need to be thin to wear a bikini!!!!!

I'd better put my size 18 two piece back then shall I??

What a dick.
I hate this "oh but I'm only concerned about your health!" No you're fucking not, unless you care about every cigarette, every drink, every sweetener, every bit of exercise, then it's none of your business.

You see the problem (that you feel uncomfortable, which is okay! I understand that when you're used to being very slim going up even a few sizes can make you feel a bit alien) and you're doing something about it.
He needs to be supportive or toss off

Mysteriouscurle · 28/04/2017 21:37

Hmmmm. If you lose weight sufficient to his satisfaction I wonder what your next imperfection or fault will be. He'll just find another stick to beat you with. It'll be your skin or your family or your hair or the way you walk or some other made up shit perceived imperfection. He already hates your sisters for daring not to conform to his ridiculous standards. What a wanker.

Greenifer · 28/04/2017 22:07

He sounds so mean and horrible, OP. I hope you are OK.

kali110 · 28/04/2017 22:49

You what?
I ended up getting quite upset, and then him telling he forgives me for my reaction 😡
Why are you wwith this moron?
If my 'dp' came out with any of this he'd be out the door!
I've put on weight whilst with my dh,
My dh tells me i'm beautiful!
Yours soynds like a dick.

kali110 · 28/04/2017 22:52

*What a dick.
I hate this "oh but I'm only concerned about your health!" No you're fucking not, unless you care about every cigarette, every drink, every sweetener, every bit of exercise, then it's none of your business.

You see the problem (that you feel uncomfortable, which is okay! I understand that when you're used to being very slim going up even a few sizes can make you feel a bit alien) and you're doing something about it.
He needs to be supportive or toss off*

This.
He is not worried about you or your health op, he's worried about how you look.
You deserve better op.
You certainly do not sound fat!
If he had no input at all, would you be concerned with you weight?

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