DP being "encouraging"

[2boytrouble]

I started a new job in November. Where I've been less active so have put on a little bit of weight, not much as still wearing size 10 clothes. Though I do have a bigger stomach and love handles and thighs!

On Monday I tried to start a low carb diet. But as I mind two young boys, one 2 and one 5, I found that it was asking too much, so yesterday (Thursday) I decided I couldn't do it, my mind was messed up, I had no energy and felt really miserable which was not ideal for work.

In total carbs yesterday I ended up eatin 2 slices of bread and 3 fish fingers! That's all!

I came home to DP going on about how I can't be fat for holiday, that I need to be skinny to wear a bikini to which I ended up getting quite upset, and then him telling he forgives me for my reaction 😡
He tried to tell me he was being encouraging not going on and nagging about my weight.

Onto this morning. We've been thinking about having fish and chips for a while, as haven't had them in ages (6 years?) I said that yesterday while out with the children I'd actually stumbled across a fish and chips shop so said that later I'd go on the motorbike and get us all some (DP, DS and myself)

His answer was all "yes" until he comes through and goes "I hope this isn't an excuse for you to get fat like your sisters"

I'd replied "you're actually starting again"

To him "I'm not starting, how's that starting, what? Am I never allowed to mention your weight"

I left the room and haven't spoken to him since!

He's left and now there's a bit of argument brewing towards us but surely what he's saying isn't actually that bleady nice or "encouraging" I'm finding he's putting me down a lot and actually making me feel really worthless because I'm not "perfect"

He sounds like an arse. Telling you he doesn't want you to get fat 'like your sisters'?? Who the hell does he think he is? He sounds like he judges the value of women based on their physical appearance and not much else, that's not okay and you're not being paranoid!

Just read a bit more of this thread. He's hardly a great role model to your DS either.....

Do you know the 100% certain way to get a bikini body??
Take a body and put a bikini on it!

I understand that there's lots of belief out there that we all need to look like the published picture but all this judging ourselves, and others, seems like such a waste of time and effort when we could just be enjoying ourselves.

Unless you are shorted than 4ft it sounds like your weight is not unhealthy. Can I suggest you make friends with you brilliant body? After all it's made 2 amazing new humans in the last couple of years! As for your DH, I'd suggest he does the same.

If I even mention that I've made a baby and my body reflects that, it all comes back about all those women who didn't even gain a stone and went right back to being slim, with photos sent to my phone during the day of them

He sounds like a Grade A cunt and I'd be leaving him, frankly. Does he have any redeeming features at all? Because he sounds utterly vile.

Oh, he's a massive cunt. You don't behave like that to someone you love.

Say that you hope he won't be wearing Speedos with a belly like his....

If he's so keen on wasting energy judging people: "So DH, as you've made no babies, what is your excuse for your belly?" You can use a picture Ryan Reynolds (2/3 young kids) as evidence

Ah, your later posts are even worse. Criticising your work, keeping you awake, not looking after the dc? Bastard. Get rid, op.

He sounds like a Grade A cunt and I'd be leaving him, frankly. Does he have any redeeming features at all? Because he sounds utterly vile

wow what amazingly helpful advice there! that's MASSIVELY going to empower the OP to address this. That's why I would never post on MN about marital issues, you get fucking drivel like that

He's horrible - send him some photos of really ripped men and ask what his excuse is.

If there's any excess weight to be lost then maybe considering dropping one cunty partner..?

OK I just read some more, I retract my earlier comment to some extent. OP, read and listen as it does sound like he is doing a number on your self esteem

Oh OP, he sounds really mean. At size 10 you can't even be classed as overweight. I think his comments are quite bitchy. If he loves you, a few pounds should not affect how he sees you, and he should support the efforts you make and boost your self esteem, not destroy it.

For every mother who snaps back into shape months after having DC, there are many more who find it very hard to shift the weight or simply can't get the same shape they were before going through pregnancy, childbirth and possibly breasfeeding.

FTR I am obese and my DH does worry about it and try to support me, but that's because I am a few stone overweight and not fit so it isn't good for my health (I am working on it!).

Please don't let him destroy your self esteem!

Well he sounds like a prince among men. Does he have any redeeming features OP?

stopfuckingshoutingatme - it's not drivel. He's abusive. Separation is advised in domestic abuse situations.

I'm fuming reading this. This man is an abusive shit and it won't matter if you're a size 10, 8 or 6 he will still find faults and try and put you down. He's an insecure bullying twat. I'm glad you're starting to realise how bad this is. I would bet if you left him your confidence would rush back.

X-post x

If you think it's possible he's not deliberately trying to lower your self esteem, I'd point out to him that the language he uses is upsetting and suggest better ways he can support you. I would say you have no interest in celebrities and their bodies - they are not 'real' people - and you won't engage with any comparisons. Laugh it off if you can.

You know, there are some topics where OP later explains that the first post actually wasn't as bad as it sounded and the situation was just a snapshot and misunderstood.

But the more you post here, the worse he sounds. Like other people have asked, does he actually add to your life? Does he make your life easier, more pleasant and enjoyable? Do you see him as supportive, encouraging, having your back? Are you looking forward to seeing him every evening?

do you have any advice for OP or were you just place marking?

I retracted the comment, and advised her to listen to what's being said

I just really fucking hate the 1 line "LTB" comments as I think they can do more harm than good sometimes, and they can come across as extremely callous

stopfuckingshoutingatme

You sound delightful.

I asked a genuine question: does OP's husband have any redeeming qualities? He sounds like an abusive cunt from her posts here and I'm interested to know why she stays. Perhaps he is gaslighting her and OP hasn't realised quite how badly he behaves until it is all written in front of her.

I've already posted stating that I threatened to leave my husband over his diet comments because I was at the end of my rope with it, so it's not beyond the realm of possibility that someone would leave because of this behaviour.

Maybe you should save YOUR drivel.

He sends you photos of other women who are slimmer than you ??? Am I understanding correctly ?

Can you tell us about the others ways he puts you down ?