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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:
myshinynewusername · 27/04/2017 00:50

The OP's husband was not rude, mildly or otherwise. He made a mistake thinking she knew he was there, when she didn't.

Happens all the time - that's life. I bumped into someone the other day in Tesco, I thought she was going one way, but she went the other. We both apologised in a very British way Grin and everybody just got on with their shopping unharmed.

myshinynewusername · 27/04/2017 00:51

I did quote part of one of your posts. You are the one who didn't read it properly, so its ironic that you say that I am the one not reading!

StillHungryy · 27/04/2017 00:52

So you'd find being involuntary red for 5+ days an inconvenience without any warning or explanation at a time when presentation is important? Clothes probably ruined and I'd say at least majorly irritated eyes if it got into your eyes, damage at worst? That's fair enough but I think most would be pissed. Also you said earlier you'd put her on her arse and call the police so that doesn't seem too chilled about it to me

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 00:53

Which post did you quote? I can't see it. Maybe it was someone else's post.

StillHungryy · 27/04/2017 00:53

Again you don't know why she was anxious for all you know a woman may have attacked her as you're fixated on her being attacked or a dog

StillHungryy · 27/04/2017 00:53

That's if she even was

worridmum · 27/04/2017 00:54

yes it is assualt espically as it marks them for days / weeks

Unless you saying that i can pour liqud on other people for fun (even urine).

I am sorry AntiSocial if you think men shouldnt go to police if a womens rape radar was broken

I was assulted by 2 women in full face vailed relgious garments should i then have the right to assult them pre-emetivaly because it happened before be it riping there face vails off or ruining them with this dye as yes they would be ruined as it is designed NOT to washed off and if it happened to ether mine or my husbands running clothes that could be close to £300 down the drain Running clothes are expesive

StillHungryy · 27/04/2017 00:56

And it's not avoidance, it's building up to it for example a lot of my anxiety is health related and the heart, Im generally really scared to really push myself, so going to the gyms a definite no, but ( and I've had 3-4 different counsellors) they all spoke about working up to doing more stuff like going for a Walk at first etc in the hope that I'd be able to build up my belief I'm fine and be ok going to the gym

myshinynewusername · 27/04/2017 00:56

I just double checked Zilphas, it was your post I took a quote from.

Since you have gone on about reading posts properly, I won't spoon feed it to you.

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 00:58

Do you mean this?

Today 00:34 myshinynewusername

"I find it incredible that women are expected to seek out safe places, to modify their behaviour and to be careful not to offend. Why should women always do the accommodating ?"

Blistory · 27/04/2017 00:59

No, I don't know if or why she was anxious but then, neither do you.

My point was that I believe it to be entirely rational for women to be afraid if alone on a footpath and they hear rapidly approaching footsteps. And that I don't think that the acceptable solution is for women to live their lives managing that anxiety instead of society working to remove the reasons why women may be anxious or afraid of men.

I haven't called your views bullshit so please afford me the same courtesy.

myshinynewusername · 27/04/2017 01:01

No.

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 27/04/2017 01:01

Of course I'd be mightily pissed off, but probably not for long. Certainly not enough to prosectute the poor woman. I mean seriously it is a pretty extreme reaction, what on earth must have gone on in her life to make her go off like a frightened cephalopod?

If this had happened to me and I had no idea these rape sprays existed yeah maybe my reaction would be a bit disproportionate considering what's actually happening.

If she had pulled a knife or something that's a whole different ballgame, but paint? C'mon!

myshinynewusername · 27/04/2017 01:05

Right, I'll have to leave you all to it, poorly DS2 has finally settled so I am off to grab some sleep while it lasts.

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 01:11

ok well bellow is all your posts from the first one you mentioned my name. There is no quote from any of my posts in there. Not sure what you think you have quoted but it isn't me.

Zilpha is just being a goady twat now folks, its not possible for someone to truly be this idiotic.

She is defending a person who committed an assault. If she is fine with assault than she is no better than the woman who attacked OP's husband.

If we are going to get all picky about the exact distance measurements, perhaps someone could quote the measurement within which people get a free pass to assault someone.

Oh no you can't, because there is no such thing within the law. grin

Zilphas, you are defending her all the time, most recently with all the nonsense about him having past her so very close indeed.

As if that makes her actions ok!!

Ah, I have obviously touched a nerve and you have begun backtracking.

Very interesting.

"I find it incredible that women are expected to seek out safe places, to modify their behaviour and to be careful not to offend. Why should women always do the accommodating ?"

Its the Ops husband who will need to do the accommodating if he wants to avoid being assaulted again. He is the one who is going to have to change his routine tomorrow to speak to the police and seek medical attention. Why should he have to do that?

Calm down Zilphas, you seem to be getting a bit overwrought now.

No trip Zilphas, you obviously can't defend your ridiculous point of view, so I suppose you had to resort to accusing me of drug use to avoid doing so.

I understand ;)

The OP's husband was not rude, mildly or otherwise. He made a mistake thinking she knew he was there, when she didn't.

Happens all the time - that's life. I bumped into someone the other day in Tesco, I thought she was going one way, but she went the other. We both apologised in a very British way grin and everybody just got on with their shopping unharmed.

I did quote part of one of your posts. You are the one who didn't read it properly, so its ironic that you say that I am the one not reading!

I just double checked Zilphas, it was your post I took a quote from.

Since you have gone on about reading posts properly, I won't spoon feed it to you.

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 01:12

So no, you can't back up your accusations.

StillHungryy · 27/04/2017 01:16

We don't even know if she was, she could have gone out and planned to do it, it could have potentially been one of those " social experiments" or " pranks" for YouTube.

I believe both men and women are likely to be anxious at times after all men are far more likely to be attacked, and rape is more likely to Vr by somebody you know so on a running path it's fairly reasonable that a man may feel vulnerable and be at more risk.

I also don't see how red painting someone can help a woman's fears being painted red doesn't seem a big deterrent and seems more likely to make an attacker more annoyed.

And ok I apologise for calling your views BS but I strongly do not agree with the rhetoric you're using about men and rapists etc

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 01:23

The idea of the spray is probably to catch an attacker (not the OP's DH!) off guard to give you a chance to run while they get it out of their eyes/panic about what it is (some people spray mace or body sprays) and also to leave a mark on them if they do go on to attack you so they are easier to identify if you go to the police.

slithytove · 27/04/2017 01:35

If men don't want to be accused of a crime then they can avoid putting themselves in a position where it's possible

^^ this is pretty appalling. Sounds very similar to - if women don't want to be the victim of a crime then they can avoid putting themselves in a position where it's possible.

Also appalling in case I need to spell it out.

No one here knows why she attacked op's dh. The only thing we know because we have been told, is that he didn't attack her. He ran past her, or tried to anyway.

I don't think anyone sensibly thinks that spraying someone with dye is a reasonable response to someone running past.

Op, did she turn to spray him so was still in front, or was it as he was passing so to her side?

FairytalesAreBullshit · 27/04/2017 01:37

I honestly can't believe people are defending this lunatic. It's like going through some traumatic event then doing everything you can to get triggered, or their warped feminists who believe their personal space was invaded, thus making it ok to assault another person. OP's DH isn't to blame.

Blistory · 27/04/2017 01:48

StillHungryy. Fair enough. And thank you for the apology.

I do believe that women and men would both benefit from us addressing the issue of male violence but that we have to name the problem to address it. That's not the same as hating men or believing them all to be rapists.

I also think that good men contribute unwittingly and unknowingly to rape culture hence my belief that all men are responsible for being part of the solution.

You obviously see things differently and that shapes your opinion. I don't have an issue with that but I do have an issue with the dogmatic refusal by some to consider any point but their own. I've been forced to be bold in how I state things by the continued attempts by others to point score, twist what I say or to imply that I have an agenda. I'm sorry if my responses have been blunter than they should have been but I haven't found it easy to distinguish between those wanting a genuine discussion and those who simply want to needle and provoke.

kali110 · 27/04/2017 01:54

She didn't. Why do so many people on here act as though spraying someone with paint is oh-so-horrible assault? Seriously, calm down. It's annoying, but that's all it is.
Are you for real?
If you sprayed it in someone's face you could blind them,
What about if said person was asthmatic?
You'd be ok with someone ruining your clothes?
Anything to defend this woman. Unreal Hmm

StillHungryy · 27/04/2017 01:58

But if it's not in the persons face it's essentially red paint, mace or body spray won't do much to clothes either, it seems like a 50/50 to me if someone's attacking me I don't want to piss them off especially if I can't get away as I feel they would hurt me more. On the other hand in the eyes a brilliant weapon, but in instances like today it caused more issues than it solved, if I'd been attacked I imagine I'd be annoyed and very defensive and probably be swearing if she was anxious then I'd imagine it would make her more anxious but that's a valid reaction. If she sprinted off it's fed her anxiety fuelled beliefs.

Obviously if she was attacked it would have been more effective in the eyes, im going around in circles because it is complicated. I just feel if she uses it readily like I feel she did from the information we've had then it's not something I really support at least not being used until there's a clear sign that she was getting attacked, as surely more innocent people getting attacked brings about more anxiety and vulnerability and more likelihood of more weapons and attacks through fear of getting attacked men and women,

Women have a right to feel safe but I think there needs to be more certainty as it won't do anyone favours people preemptively attacking, and I do t agree women attacking lots of men when the % of actually rapists are very low. unless it goes into the eyes I don't see it being an effective weapon,it makes attackers more visible but that's going to be little comfort if they still attack you possibly more violently. its a dilemma but I reject the notion that OPs DH should pay the price because other men are rapists

StillHungryy · 27/04/2017 02:00

That was to Zilph

kali110 · 27/04/2017 02:01

There's also the issue that if she does this too the wrong person and they very rightly get pissed off and lamp her one.
Hopefully the police find her.