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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:
ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 00:25

Oh and while you're at it looking for that post of mine that defends her (take your time, you'll need it) could you also explain what I am being idiotic about? Thanks.

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 00:26

Are you just making shit up? Because I certainly haven't said anything about anyone getting a free pass to assault someone.

myshinynewusername · 27/04/2017 00:27

Zilphas, you are defending her all the time, most recently with all the nonsense about him having past her so very close indeed.

As if that makes her actions ok!!

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 00:28

Quotes please to back up your accusations. Or retract them.

myshinynewusername · 27/04/2017 00:28

Ah, I have obviously touched a nerve and you have begun backtracking.

Very interesting...

Megatherium · 27/04/2017 00:28

The reason that women are scared is because some men are rapists and women have no way of knowing who those men are. We do them an injustice by refusing to expect men to take responsibility for the role they can play in ridding us of a rape culture

What responsibility could OP's husband have taken in this case other than carrying on with his run? Why should he take responsibility by being the victim of an assault?

I'm not so sure that it's rational to expect women to either suck it up or to live indoors.

No-one has said this. However, why are those the only alternatives? How about a third one where the woman neither sucks it up nor lives indoors, but simply lets the faster runner come past her without making a drama out of it.

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 00:30

You will find in your search my posts saying the woman was wrong and that OPs DH should report her.

Blistory · 27/04/2017 00:31

There's no need for the personal attacks just because someone has a different opinion.

I find it incredible that women are expected to seek out safe places, to modify their behaviour and to be careful not to offend. Why should women always do the accommodating ? Why don't men stay indoors in the early morning or avoid isolated areas ? That way women won't be at risk from men. If men don't want to be accused of a crime then they can avoid putting themselves in a position where it's possible. Why should the default position be that women need to avoid being raped ? Shouldn't it be that men stop raping ? And if they did just that, women like the one in question wouldn't need to carry deterrents never mind use them.

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 00:31

What are you sniffing my? Confused where have I backtracked? Are you reading the posts or guessing what they say?

myshinynewusername · 27/04/2017 00:34

"I find it incredible that women are expected to seek out safe places, to modify their behaviour and to be careful not to offend. Why should women always do the accommodating ?"

Its the Ops husband who will need to do the accommodating if he wants to avoid being assaulted again. He is the one who is going to have to change his routine tomorrow to speak to the police and seek medical attention. Why should he have to do that?

worridmum · 27/04/2017 00:34

People who keep saying all men should take responsability for the counrties Rape culture and take the blame for it because some men rape is the same as basically saying mothers of males are ultimitly responsable for rape because they gave birth to said rapist (before anyone jumps on me i do not mean to women who is raped but mothers in general)

myshinynewusername · 27/04/2017 00:36

Calm down Zilphas, you seem to be getting a bit overwrought now.

Blistory · 27/04/2017 00:37

He has to do that because other men rape. Because men benefit from the inequality that women experience.. Because men are going to have to give up some of their freedoms to ensure that women gain the freedoms they don't currently have. Because he has a wife and daughter and they deserve for him to be part of the solution. Because women matter just as much as men.

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 27/04/2017 00:38

Ok I'm glad I saw this thread, I'm a man and I can handle getting sprayed by random red crap. Really not the end of the world. However I hadn't heard of this stuff before and if I was out and about and some random stranger (gender irrelevant) sprayed me with some random chemical they could expect to get planted on their ass pretty swiftly, deprived of the can so I could see if I could identify what the fuck I was just sprayed with and a phonecall to the local plod being made immediately after.

Now that I have an idea what it's likely to be that can be avoided, but if these things are in general use it might be wise to make people more aware of them.

Guepe · 27/04/2017 00:38

Zilphas - it's a little bit difficult to work out what point you're trying to make throughout this thread. I think you're saying that both parties were in the wrong, her for spraying and him for not saying 'excuse me' or giving her enough space. If you're blaming him for those things, I think it's fair to point out that the OP's DH thought the female jogger had moved to one side to let him pass, so he probably wouldn't think it necessary to ask her to move, when she seemed to already be moving.

StillHungryy · 27/04/2017 00:38

Except you're just assuming that's why she was carrying it, I don't see not spray painting innocent people as being accommodating , and nobody has said women should stay indoors, it has been suggested that if you're that anxious perhaps go somewhere where you wouldn't be so anxious, that's not victim blaming ( if she had been attacked before ) its legitimate advice I have received from a counsellor to help build up my confidence from my anxiety and to work my way up to doing something.

I see no one saying it's up to women to ensure that it's down to them to stop getting raped, in fact all I see in your last post is unfounded assumptions and bringing up points nobody has said

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 00:39
Confused

You've completely lost me now my. Hope you enjoyed whatever trip you were on there.

StillHungryy · 27/04/2017 00:40

Because women matter just as much as men. and sometimes more than men when they attack men for no reason

myshinynewusername · 27/04/2017 00:42

No trip Zilphas, you obviously can't defend your ridiculous point of view, so I suppose you had to resort to accusing me of drug use to avoid doing so.

I understand ;)

StillHungryy · 27/04/2017 00:43

Essentially Blistory your last 2 posts seem to boil down to some men rape and because some men rape some women, all men are to expect and not care about being attacked by women, and loads of other BS tangents about men that aren't fact but your opinion

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 00:44

Zilphas - it's a little bit difficult to work out what point you're trying to make throughout this thread. I think you're saying that both parties were in the wrong, her for spraying and him for not saying 'excuse me' or giving her enough space.

Well it wasn't difficult at all now was it? You understood me perfectly. She was absolutely wrong. Massive overreaction to what happened (man tried to run past her) he was mildly rude, nowhere near the same scale of wrong but an excuse me might have prevented her shocked reaction. Still not his fault she sprayed him though.

ZilphasHatpin · 27/04/2017 00:47

my I have asked you to quote what you have accused me of and you have failed to do so, instead resorting to personal attacks and name calling. You seem to be on some random little wind up mission and I'm your target for tonight. Whatever floats your boat. If you wish to actually back up your accusations and discuss it I'm all ears but otherwise go and find something else to do. You're not making any sense.

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 27/04/2017 00:47

Look speaking as a man getting sprayed by red paint is an inconvenience not an assault. Ok yeah maybe it strictly fits the legal definition, but c'mon if some woman's rapedar is wonky I'm not sure any man I know would press charges.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/04/2017 00:48

Hope A&E can get the dye off. My contribution was going to be rubbing alcohol (isopropyl alcohol) as that removes most things, and may be what A&E use themselves (or they might use neat ethanol, that's pretty good but not easily purchasable by the general public! It is in hospital labs though)

It's a shame that woman felt so nervous that she just sprayed random blokes who happen to be running on the same path as her - but as others have said, nervous does not = right to spray random people.

A scraggy growing-in beard would probably not be an option for OP's DH if he's about to go to China to contract an important business deal - it might be seen as rude to the Chinese to be so scruffy looking.

Hope it comes off, OP. Thanks

Blistory · 27/04/2017 00:48

No, you don't fix anxiety by encouraging avoidance tactics. You fix it by removing or minimising the source of anxiety.

Whereas there seems to be an expectation on this thread that we ignore why she may be anxious and simply put the responsibility on this woman to control her anxiety. If women weren't assaulted, she would have no need to be anxious.

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