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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH has been sprayed with red dye!

767 replies

Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 17:00

This morning DH was running along the Thames towpath as he often does. He was running quite fast as he's training. There is an area where the path narrows a bit and he had caught up and was running behind a woman. He thought she moved to one side to let him pass, so he ran up behind her, at which point she screamed and suddenly sprayed him with a spray! Most of it got on his t-shirt but some of it also also got on his neck and lower face, though he didn't realise at the time. She screamed at him to get away from her and then ran back the other way. He was saying to her, "It's ok" etc, but he said she was so freaked out and looked so terrified he didn't try and follow her.
Now he has a zig-zag pattern of red up his neck and on the left side if his face and it really won't come off. He went into work and someone told him its probably a dye that the police use to mark criminals! I looked on google and it looks as if you can buy a red spray dye that won't wash off for 7 days! If it's this, it's a nightmare as he has to go to China on business tomorrow.
DH feels bad that she was so scared and her reaction actually scared him. He thinks maybe he should have held back, but he thought she was letting him overtake her. I think her reaction was a bit extreme though -AIBU? I run down that path frequently (although not at 6.30am) and I have never heard of anything like this.

OP posts:
WildKiwi · 26/04/2017 22:11

I'm not English but I'm fairly certain in English law that you don't need to wait to be attacked before you defend yourself but that you do need to argue that your belief of the threat was real and that your response was proportionate.

Thinking back to when I studied criminal law (quite a while ago admittedly, so a bit rusty), I don't believe a reasonable person would believe a runner, doing what a runner does (i.e. run past a slower runner), was a threat or that the response was proportionate.

On the logic that if belief in a threat means there's threat, could I spray the bloke on the High Street that approached me to say I had a nice pram the other week because I thought he was a bit creepy?

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 22:12

There is a huge problem with run by assaults and moped assaults in London at the moment. (At least in NW London there is).

wickedfairy · 26/04/2017 22:12

Your poor DH has been assaulted.

If the woman was that jittery or scared, why did she choose to go on a towpath? She could have stuck to somewhere considered "safer", with more people around.... I know she should be able to go wherever she likes, but she obviously feels uncomfortable enough to carry the spray around, therefore you would presume she would be a bit choosier about where she goes alone. In that case, a towpath is not somewhere I would pick. Weird.

I hope it doesn't put your DH off running!

AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 22:13
  • assaults was meant to be muggings / robberies.
StillHungryy · 26/04/2017 22:13

Well if all you need is a fear that something may happen, hospitals or police best get whatever scrub or whatever it is to get the dye off men and women will eventually get dyed on an hourly basis! Eventually dying people due to the fear of getting dyed themselves!

DartmoorDoughnut · 26/04/2017 22:13

Hope the shower/face scrub helped!

woodwaj · 26/04/2017 22:14

Perfume can remove permenant marker if you haven't tried that. Sorry if already suggested. I havent read everything.

Blistory · 26/04/2017 22:16

Isn't it entirely possible to accept that the woman's fear and subsequent reaction was reasonable whilst agreeing that the husband didn't deserve what happened ?

This isn't about blaming the husband but about looking at why women in general restrict themselves because of fear. That goes way beyond anything that the husband did or didn't do.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/04/2017 22:16

AsthmaQ
There is a huge problem with run by assaults and moped assaults in London at the moment. (At least in NW London there is).

And according to various posters on the thread that means that we can assault spray dye over anyone that is running or riding a moped if we feel threatened.

WildKiwi · 26/04/2017 22:17

I think I'd better leave before I spend all morning debating this, but I can't help myself with And the OP hasn't suggested in any way that the woman maliciously sprayed her husband. - um I'd say spraying a man for running on the same tow path is pretty malicious actually.

Hope your DH gets the dye off Op.

Sirzy · 26/04/2017 22:19

I don't see how spraying someone with paint simply for passing near you can in any sense of the word be deemed reasonable. Pretty scary anyone can believe it is really!

Gulsink · 26/04/2017 22:22

He'll be fine, red's a lucky colour in China....

KurriKurri · 26/04/2017 22:24

What if he'd clipped her heel? What if he'd brushed up against her and she thought she was about to be grabbed?

What if he jumped on her back and shouted 'I'm attacking you'

What if he lassoed her legs and bundled her into a bush and ripped her clothes off

Oh - wait a minute - HE DIDN'T so why are you arguing an imaginary situation.

Another imaginary situation is that the woman is a crazy spraying lady and has form as long as your arm for painting everyone who comes near her.

But we don't know that either - so why don't we stick to the facts as they've been presented ? Which are that OP's DH did not attack the woman, but she sprayed him in the face. Whether that was from excessive anxiety, or because she has previously been a victim of assault, or because she is a spray paint happy attacker of runners we don't know.

But shoot (or spray) first, ask questions later is not the way to go about life unless you want to leave a trail of innocent victims in your wake.

Talking about made up 'what if's' that only exist in your head, invalidates all your arguments. When the straw men come in, sensible debate goes out the window.

DeleteOrDecay · 26/04/2017 22:25

I don't blame the man in the slightest but I do understand why some women feel they need to carry stuff like this around with them.

However the woman is in the wrong here. She may have been frightened and of course is awful that she feels she needs some sort of 'protection' when going about her daily business. But she jumped to a massive conclusion (and I wouldn't be surprised if she realises this now) and there are consequences for our actions whether intentional or not. Especially when those actions impact on others. If op's DH wants to take it further then I don't see why he shouldn't. He was assaulted after all.

StillHungryy · 26/04/2017 22:27

Essentially Blistory, you're just looking to find a way that the woman isn't responsible for your actions, which is ridiculous

Butteredparsnip1ps · 26/04/2017 22:27

OP I remember during the rhodesian election 30 odd years ago, people had their hands dyed to stop them voting again.

apparently coca-cola got the dye off.

Hair spray is also good for removing hair-dye from clothes.

I hope it comes off. I think you DH is actually very kind hearted to worry about the women. While I can understand she may have been anxious her actions were unjust.

Megbert · 26/04/2017 22:30

Just make sure you wash the skin really well between trying both of those, OP.

You don't want to be mixing chemicals on his skin as it could end up quite painful especially after using a scrub.

myshinynewusername · 26/04/2017 22:30

If this woman is so unhinged that she cannot cope with other people using the path whilst she is using it, then that's her problem. She has no right to attack the OPs husband.

Anyone blaming OPs DH is a victim blamer and frankly, an idiot.

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/04/2017 22:31

Blistory

So the new tack is to change the direction of the thread, cunning.

Original poster
Mojit0 · 26/04/2017 22:31

JJ - if they can get it off at A&E that will be great. Nothing we have is working by the look of it., He's shattered now though and past caring. Maybe he could go really early before the police station as there's less waiting time in the mornings. This time of night it can be 4 hours. Thankyou.

I hadn't expected this to spark such a debate. Personally, I just wouldn't want to run where I didn't feel safe, though you can never predict where and when an attack will take place. It's a shame for the woman. DH suspects something must have happened previously to make her react like that.
He'll have a morning off the running tomorrow and spend it with the police and probably A&E instead!

OP posts:
AsthmaQ · 26/04/2017 22:32

Mojit0 - you could call A and E and ask what they recommend, it may be that they tell you something that you can buy at a chemist to save a trip in.

tygr · 26/04/2017 22:33

Oh dear. Read this thread earlier. Can't believe it's still chuntering on. Now I'm wading in Hmm

She is NOT the victim so saying she over-reacted can't be victim blaming.

backing away from the thread

darwinsbabe · 26/04/2017 22:36

Your DH needs to report this as an assault.

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I'm missing something.

Jeez who walks on a towpath if they're frightened??

CherryMintVanilla · 26/04/2017 22:37

It might be an idea to check with your local A&E department before you turn up - if that's possible. Someone escorted by police might have a different reception to someone who turns up without them.

Personally I'd use the time to get him a decent coverage foundation instead!

kali110 · 26/04/2017 22:41

Wow 'if he's innocent why would he worry'
Look at this thread!!
People have insinuated he's done something wrong and certain postsrs have bent over backwards to blame him Hmm
I hope she is caught.
Goodluck tomorrow op! Ypur husband has nothing to feel bad about.

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