To think that nobody would come to my funeral

[forlornalien]

I see it being nobody other than my children, the vicar and the undertaker.
Obviously I will never know one way or the other but it's a given based on what my life is like.

From G funeral guide

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^^ Brilliant idea I think!

That's one redeeming thing, knowing a FD they've promised my family they'd take care and do everything for me, bringing costs down. They said really there's little point in having cars its just added expense unless you use them as much as you can. Also the pamphlets you can do yourself and make more personalised.They also said the trend for having a load of flowers is diminishing with them costing so much. There's nothing stopping you preparing the body if you want to. They definitely advocate you save money not going for embalming.

If you have any questions I can always ask.

In Ireland they have prayer/memorial cards which is really good. But I'm religious so would think that.

I don't get why Protestants make so much money from everything, like £200 for a celebrant for 30 minutes work. I don't know if the humanist minister charged or if they were from FD.

In Catholicism it's a sacrament from baptism to marriage to death, so they're happy for a donation.

Sara the person said they'd come back and haunt us if we go to a certain chain. He said where he worked it was wealthy, so he'd be after doing it as cheap as possible, he doesn't understand expensive coffins for cremations. Like oak or walnut.

You must kind of agree that humanist services are odd. 📕😦 I got in trouble for writing God bless in a memorial book. With my beliefs it's me that prays for their soul with what I believe. No one else is helping them up the pearly gates.

Being a tad macabre I've said I like it like The Importance of Being Idle at the end. He said no way could you do that with a person inside the handles would come off.

Actually for me for the one funeral I went to, it was fine in the house waiting, but they're was something really upsetting about being in the car doing the slow drive. Crikey it's been years and still gets me. The humanist service was really hard, I'm NC with my family now, but I wasn't allowed to use my WC, so was made to walk. I was at the back of the family looking like a right tit struggling to walk. All I could think of was apologising to the relatives behind me for holding them up. My brother had saved me a seat with them, but my Mum pointed her latest shag in that direction the bitch. My Great Aunt actually was lovely and made a point of sitting with me, as my Mum spitting venom was all don't talk to anyone unless you're spoken to. On the way back was in a taxi with Aunt & Uncle I thought I got along with, my cousin was saying about the lack of food, I said I think the young ones got there first, I was barked at. So when we got back to the starting point I just went home as I knew I wasn't welcome and it was all just for show. Proven further when they scattered the ashes or did visits I never got an invite.

I'm torn should the witch die if I should be there for my siblings. Or just fuck it off. Say what you want about what a nasty thing to say, but I don't know why you'd make a fuss over a narcissist who ruined your life. If my siblings ever needed anything I'd do the looking after, when I've been there for them even though I'm really ill myself, they've said oh Mum hasn't been in touch. I've picked up all the pieces. But they keep trying regardless.

For all you out there NC with family members I might as well tell it how it is.

They would likely come to my funeral and make a show. That's why the funeral I want should put them off, as they hate my faith. I'm fine it just being the Priest and maybe a few that attend funerals as a hobby. The FD said that, you actually have people who have little to do who love going to funerals. DC can go and get wasted and remember me that way.

A relative wants a natural burial or the CSI thing where they get left in the elements to show forensics trainees how it works. Is it essentially a bit like Muslim ones where the body has a shroud?

How would that funeral go Sara? The FD I know has only done typical services/memorials.

I feel the same, my anxiety and depression have led friends to kind of ostracise me, when I've tried staying in touch, and I can't work so just family for me and maybe a few might go meh but I'd have less than 10 people total I'd be pretty sure to bet my savings on it

I'd say funerals are for the living, I've always felt more at rest after the funeral service, and I'm in Norway religious, it has at times made me consider going to church a little

Even if you have lots of friends you might outlive them all? Maybe the trick is to make slightly younger friends when you are in your 70s.

Fairytales it's not £200 for thirty minutes work. It's a bit more complicated. The priest meets the family, helps them work out what they want, asks about the deceased. Books the church, organises the verger, organist, the record keeping, heating, then does the service.

The fees also cover petrol if there is a crem to travel to, and there is often a second service at the crem.

They may be involved in graveyard issues later- tombstones etc.

The church doesn't aim to make a profit from funerals, just to cover costs. The vicar may not get anything directly at all, as it is part of their role. If they are retired and don't have a salary, I think they get paid about £35.

Pretty good value, really, and probably subsidised by all the regular congregation members who give money week in week out to pay for the upkeep of the church and vicar.

Direct cremation's my choice. I read about it on here and it felt it was made for me, an atheist who hates a fuss. No depressing funeral, just a 'do' in the pub for anyone who wants to raise a glass or two. Smashing.

I don't want a funeral, I've never been one for social gatherings. Just a direct cremation, and I don't want a coffin either. Maybe I'll use up all my knitting wool to make myself a bright and cheerful stripey body bag in advance; that would be a positive project

For those going for Direct cremeation also check out Good Funeral Guide as there are good ones and bad ones and what to look out for - you may want cheap and direct but you still want the body taken care of!

You could hire a professional mourner (!) only kidding I sometimes feel the same! I have joined a ladies group where if someone dies there are at least a few people there, and if you are Catholic you can ask your parish if they will send some representatives- I know nuns that often go to funerals to round out the 'guests'.

Pickle you would never get a Catholic Priest, who are often involved with lavish services and burials / internments that don't have a set price. It's pay what you can, but most of the money is collected from donations.

So it's bullshit to say oh Vicars have a harder job. I'm guessing the humanist loon that I encountered, my feelings towards humanistic services that's all, commended a fee.

One thing for sure, the Catholic Priest is generally there for the family before, during and after at no cost. With blessing of graves and Holy Souls month which again the donation should be £10 but if you can't afford that fine.

I have links to a couple of vocational Catholics, a Priest & Nun who do Masses and say prayers for me.

So seeing as I know quite a bit about theology connected with Catholicism, I know they don't say like Protestant churches, oh it's £200 a funeral, £400 a wedding, £100 a baptism. As they're sacraments important to the church, they don't exclude.

The Priest is there from what I know, a lot more than other ministers. It's not just the meeting to see what Eulogy they want.

So no justification can say oh but the £200 covers... Catholic Priests deliver sacraments in the home and have to travel there. They don't see it as a money making scheme.

Pickle - I don't want to sound disrespectful with what I've said, but I do know for Catholicism it's different. They would never say to a poor family struggling with costs, it has to be this much.

It's not disrespectful to talk about it. But please don't call it a money making scheme, as it isn't. It's not £200 to the vicar, to fund his holidays! It's £50 to hire an organist, £20 to heat the church etc... The thing is, no one wants to make money out of it, and it's a small part of the overall cost- less than the cars, for example.

Anglican churches can waive part of the fee, I think, but some of it goes elsewhere. And yes of course they do all the visits whether someone is paying for a funeral or not.

My church has a small congregation, with no organist. If you want a funeral with an organist we would have to pay someone to come. We would have to pay for the heating. Someone has to pay the vicar's wage so he can feed his children. Who do you think should pay for the cost of using a church and vicar for a funeral? The twenty or so earning adults in our congregation (the rest are on pensions, or children) can't afford to keep the church running for the rest of the community, with no contribution from anyone. People would be sad if they couldn't use the church for funerals because it had fallen down!

Do catholic priests do that in the same way for people and families they don't know at all, who have never been to their church?
It says 'the labourer is worth his fee' -Vicars can't work full time as vicars and live off fresh air- they do need to be paid some how.