To think that nobody would come to my funeral

[forlornalien]

I see it being nobody other than my children, the vicar and the undertaker.
Obviously I will never know one way or the other but it's a given based on what my life is like.

I'm opting for direct cremation too. I'm not one for a fuss and I'd be furious if anyone spent the kind of money funerals cost on that sort of thing. I don't want anyone to think that standing about crying is a fitting tribute to me! My Mil's death and subsequent huge Catholic performance wake and funeral has left my lovely husband with lasting psychological issues. It wasn't soothing or comforting or any of that waffle. It was traumatic and it makes me cross that my gentle lovely man's enduring image of his mother is being forced to kiss her cold corpse and then putting her in to a muddy hole in the pissing rain. Not for me, thanks. Bury me in the muck heap and then life goes on.

I appreciate the cost thing but my parents have requested "no funeral" and I'm struggling with the idea. I've suffered a lot of bereavements and the funeral has been a big part of coming to terms with them - what do u do without one? 😢

Flying, do agree with you about Catholic funerals - been to one, never again.

Maybe this in bad taste...I was joking with my husband the other night about being made in to jewelry when I die. The eldest could use me as an engagement ring but he'd have to apologise for it being a small stone because mam was only 4'11". But then he could make it up to her when dad dies because he's bigger and he's hoping to be a pair of earrings...

There was something on TV about what people do with their ashes. The jewelry, being mixed into paint and becoming a work of art and being mixed into ink for a rememberance tattoo.

I never knew you didn't have to have a funeral. Does anyone know how common it is not to have one?
If I left my body to medical science, they'd probably contest the will.

Even (some) animals have some kind of ritual when one of them dies. Its for the living. Let them decide how they want to mourn you.

I just had a quick look at donating your body to science and they're very fussy! There's a list of reasons why they may not accept the body and if they don't take it, you get it back to make funeral arrangements yourself. Just what your loved ones need at that time, a call saying "sorry your Mother is riddled with the clap, we're sending her back".

You think they'd be a bit more grateful.

I do not believe in an afterlife. My physical body is not "me", and I have no strong feelings about what should happen to it when I die.

I also know that I will be dead, so what my family choose to do will be of no relevance to me. I have already expressed to my OH and will express to my children when they are old enough that when the time comes, they should do whatever they feel is best. Whatever makes things easier for them or helps them grieve. They can cremate me, bury me, throw me into the sea, have a humanist tree planting, scatter my ashes from a rocket, have a religious ceremony, throw a wild party. Whatever they choose.

Even (some) animals have some kind of ritual when one of them dies.

Yes, elephants mourn and rabbits (I think) groom the body of a deceased companion for a short time after death.

I'm not religious YouFlippin, so none of it has any significance in that respect. For me it was a chance to say goodbye, have a good howl, celebrate their life and remember who they were. It feels such an important ritual I can't imagine grieving without it

There is direct burial too. We did that when my not D mother died last November. She had grand funeral plans, although I don't know who she thought would come. We decided not to go through the charade and expense of honouring her wishes and following the wishes of the living

Rather Macabre however " Direct" Cremation is really taking off. Its much cheaper and means you can do something else later thats perhaps more fitting eg, spend the money on a lavish meal, take the ashes somewhere to scatter them, have a really special memorial ( if you can afford too)

www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/

I am so pleased its being opened up in this way ^^ with all sorts of new ideas coming out.

David Bowie had Direct Disposal as did Anita Roderick ( body shop founder), apparently loads of wealthy people are going for it.

MsHooliesCardigan Wed 26-Apr-17 16:43:27

Look at this fab website www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/

all sorts of interesting information there, you don't even need anyone to get the body, there is absolutely nothing stopping anyone from getting their own relative from the morgue in an estate car, and covering them with a shroud.

I asked for their recommendation of a good - funeral director , ie someone more personal and less Dickensian they gave me a great recommendation, its a brilliant website.

.I was joking with my husband the other night about being made in to jewelry when I die

Its again very common now and a wonderful idea! I love the idea of my DD's wearing me, I just hope they wouldnt loose me thats my only fear.

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox

Yes, I too was surprised!

It's not quite as easy as people think. I can't imagine grieving and thinking I'd donated the body only to unexpectedly get it back with nothing organised for disposal! The trouble is, you won't be told whether it's a yes or a no until they've had a look!

One thing I do absolutely want is a park bench dedicated to me. I live in London and there are several parks that have been a huge part of my life, particularly since having children and they all have lots of benches with little commemorative plaques on them. I'd like to think of my DCs sitting on them and potential GCs clambering over them.

i appreciate the cost thing but my parents have requested "no funeral" and I'm struggling with the idea. I've suffered a lot of bereavements and the funeral has been a big part of coming to terms with them - what do u do without one?

Just don't have a funeral. But you can have a celebration of their life or a memorial event - that's not the same thing is it ?

Kaytee87. I'm sorry to hear your dad is so ill.

It's not about what another person wants though is it? I have said I don't want any "fuss". I've an elderly mum who's planning her funeral as she wants it. I personally, wouldn't want it.

If we don't value death it follows that we don't value life. And I don't mean monetary value I mean personal. Everyone touches people in their life and even if you dance around a pyre or have a knees up in a pub it is a way of honouring the life of the deceased.

I am sad that some people at the start of the thread question their personal value. I don't know them bit I recognise and value them as a fellow hu!an being.

I think funerals are more for the living than the dead if I'm honest.
I don't like the idea of a long drawn out service because I think it is highlights grief and suffering for loved ones. Which is why in my family the done thing is a small service in the Chapel at the crematorium.

If a relative has a pre-paid plan then do you have to have exactly what they have stipulated or can you change it?

It may be many years away and who knows who will come to your funeral. I had this fear about my grandmother who had moved into a home near my mum. Unfounded as many from the church congregation came along to show support for my mum, and who had met her at some point over the years.

I agree with those who would like a place to be remembered, be it a bench or something else, if not a traditional grave.

My aunt was nearly 92 when she passed
All her friends had long gone.
There was just my family to remember her and slightly younger next door neighbor that I personally invited.
Funeral bill was still £3,700 with no cars apart from hearse , no notices in paper etc
You cannot do a cheap funeral. That was just a basic with a vicar, crematorium and funeral director services.

My gran had a huge funeral service at 92.

I went to a memorial service recently & realised how few would attend mine (in contrast). Bit selfish to mull on that when it was someone else's service. I'm ok about it. Not everyone has to be memorable.

EveningShadows - like you, I have suffered many bereavements. However, I find the ritual of the funeral - even just a service at the crem - hugely distressing. I take no comfort from them.

I want Direct Cremation for this reason, and also because I resent the cost of anything else. My family are welcome to "celebrate" my life at my favourite Pizza Express - provided they use discount codes!