To think that nobody would come to my funeral

[forlornalien]

I see it being nobody other than my children, the vicar and the undertaker.
Obviously I will never know one way or the other but it's a given based on what my life is like.

What are you thinking, OP? Are you sad that you don't have a big network of connections? Or thinking about the discomfort of a funeral with very few mourners?

I'm not bothered about the arrangements for the disposal of my body. I've told my family that I favour an eco friendly affair, Really, funerals are about the people left behind though. I'd be happy with a complete non event, but suspect more would be done because of various roles I have outside my family. There is no reason though, that a 30min service with three mourners has to happen. They can make arrangements that suit them.

If you are feeling a bit isolated though, that is a different issue. Is something keeping you from making connections?

Well, obviously most peoples funerals are attended by family and friends. If you don't have any friends, then it's obviously just family. What's the problem? Do you wish you had more friends just so that there would be more people at your funeral...?

That is really sad to read. I do believe that the more traditional funerals will change over the years - a bit down to cost and changing values really. My own in laws paid for their one about 20 years ago on some kind of plan thing that was around. Considering the cost of even the most basic, i think that things like that should be more widely known and offered to people too - my sil died a few years ago and that bill was over 4k and there was nothing fancy at all ( she was cremated) and just one car. Its not something people like to plan for or even talk about and the costs are huge!

I totally did not know direct cremation was a thing. Definitely opting for that.

I'm single with no children or relatives - if I'm lucky, perhaps I can go in the wheelie bin provided it is general waste not recycling that week

I suppose it depends an awful lot on the family of the deceased. Its just a chance to say a proper goodbye - not everyone would go for the really cheap option, but a lot would maybe. i know that my old dad ( 95) would want a proper traditional sombre affair, and thats what he will have.

People have to also make wills and say what they want - thats another thing that folk dont do or even talk about- cost might put them off that too.

I agree that costs are huge. The average funeral costs £5,000. The undertakers get most of it when people can easily do it themselves (but not if they're beside themselves with grief obviously).

The best thing to do is take out insurance or a 'plan.'

I can't abide tradiational funerals and as I'm not religious and have no children, my will states that I want a humanist service and a tree planting with the option of any living relatives to be given the opportunity of making my ashes into a diamond! Then have a party at my expense.

My parents are dead, sibling and other relatives are older and I have no dc so I'd imagine mine will have a lower attendance rate than yours OP.

I don't mind. It's just a fact of life. I'd hate to see hundreds of people mourning me anyway.

Surely your children are enough?

For those of you saying you don't want a funeral, please remember a funeral is a chance for the people left behind to say goodbye and start to come to terms with their loss.

it is a fact of life, but the amount of people that dodge the question or wont speak about it is enormous. ' dont be so gloomy, dont talk about it' my in laws are like this and they have paid up front for their one ( which did amaze me) i doubt that deals like that are around now anyway! I am guessing there are not many poor undertakers around (although i bet they would say that there a lot of costs involved that we dont know about and they have to employ staff etc etc) but it does seem to be a lot of money for cremations.

I'm having a direct cremation. My family can do their own thing if they want to remember me in a service of some sort. But in my mind you don't need a formal service and certainly not a religious one.

For those of you saying you don't want a funeral, please remember a funeral is a chance for the people left behind to say goodbye and start to come to terms with their loss

Right? People say "I don't care what happens, I'll be dead!" and then say "So I don't want any kind of funeral!!" ... Isn't that a bit contradictory? If you don't care because you're dead, then let those you left behind decide what to do. Because I guarantee, even if there are only a few of them, they DO care.

I was going to say that KayTee - a funeral isn't for you, it is for those left behind. When my friend's Mum died very few people were at her funeral - her own brother didn't come and nor did her ex-husband, but her son and grandchildren found some sort of solace I think, even though of those who did attend, most were there to support my friend rather than because they knew the deceased. I went and I had only met her a few times.

I actually really want to be able to be just left out for the birds/foxes/worms etc on my own, and get recycled.

Seeing as this is sadly illegal, I have explicit instructions that I am to be donated to either medical research, forensic research (training future CSIs how a body decomposes), or failing that, cremated on my own.
My ashes will be given to DS/DP/one nominated very close friend who is a lot younger than me , to do with as they see fit.

I have a "funeral plan" savings account, which will cover the costs of cremation, or preferably, transfer to a lab, and also an actual proper rave (which anyone in the world could rock up to), which is what I know my friends and family would love, and would be a perfect way to leave the world!

Say goodbye? To what? To a wooden box? I'd rather not. I want nothing more than a perfunctory least-fuss-possible "do". If I could be wedged into a recycling bin, I'd be very happy.

I might look into leaving my body to medical science if it avoids all the funeral stuff. Dismal.

If I died now, I imagine quite a few people would come.
In 20 years, who knows.

I just can't be bothered about it - surely funerals are more about the living than the dead and if I'm dead what would I care?

I'd like the DC to put my ashes in a rocket and set it alight - that is what I put in my will. But apparently all this ashes scattering is environmentally unfriendly so who knows?

www.scattering-ashes.co.uk/product/self-fire-rocket-firework/

I have no family apart from my son, who probably wont even notice I've died.

I've always wanted my body to be left to science, but that changed once they televised an autopsy on a lady who had done the same.

I don't care much for religion, if there is a heaven or hell then I'm going straight to hell so sod having a vicar at a funeral lol

thanks to this thread I'll be looking into direct cremation, burn my body stick my ashes into the nearest wheely bin .. jobs a good en.

And I think it's a bit weird that we should think of what is a basic, natural process, as something to make other people feel better.

Sod that!

Save up thousands of pounds just so some over dramatic people can have their black outfit moment?? Nah!
Fuck that.

Anyway, all my closest friends and family would understand, and those who wanted the melodrama would clearly have no clue who I actually was, or how I lived my life.

I want my body to be useful in death, in some way, and for my "legacy" to be a damn fine rave, with banging music, cos that's how I've lived!

surely funerals are more about the living than the dead

This.

My uncle died two weeks ago- my godmother's husband. He had been in care for 10 years. He didn't recognise any of us when he was alive and I'm quite sure that he didn't care what kind of funeral he had. One of his sons gave a very moving eulogy and it was just lovely reconnecting spending that time with family. It was a beautiful service and a truly life enriching day. I know it was a tremendous comfort to his wife and children to be able to say goodbye.

Sometimes, it's not about you...

Ignore the negative comments OP. Are u ok?

Save up thousands of pounds just so some over dramatic people can have their black outfit moment?? That's a bit unfair on people who are grieving - funerals can be a very important part of the grieving process. Expression and feelings of grief are hardly over dramatic.

I've said I don't care how many people turn up to my funeral, but I think it is important for my family to have one if they want to. It's part of the process of accepting loss, you kind of need to see the reality of it.

When my brother died, my parents were going to go for 'no funeral' and I found it really upsetting, like my brother's death would somehow pass unmarked and unnoticed. How you feel about such things when a loved one dies can sometimes take you by surprise.In the end we had a small non religious service, no one but family there, but it mattered it brought a kind of peace.

Oh I want a party. People to have a good glass of wine/pint/g&t - I'll put aside some money for a drink and a sausage roll !! - for them to have a giggle: "do you Remember the time that Oblomov did x/y/z......"

Info for those of you who wish to donate your body to medical science:-

www.facingbereavement.co.uk/donatebodymedicalscience.html

If I Do Decide to Donate, Does A Medical School Have to Accept My Body?
In short, no. Medical schools will only accept bodies once they have had a chance to examine them. Generally medical schools publish guidelines on why they will or will not accept bodies for donation.

What Happens if a Medical School Does Not Accept My Body?
If your body is not accepted by a medical school your family will become responsible for your remains.

If I Die Suddenly, Can My Family or Executor Donate My Body for Me
No. Donations can only be made by the individual and must be made in writing using the appropriate forms.

If I Become Incapacitated, Can the Individual with Power of Attorney Donate My Body?
No. Again, donations can only be made by the individual and must be made in writing using the appropriate forms.

What Arrangements Must I Make for Donating My Body to Medical Science
You must be over the age of 17 to donate your body to medical science. The wish to donate your body to medical science must be made in writing via a consent form that can be obtained from the Bequethal Secretary of your local medical school. You should send this form back to the school, but retain a copy for your own records and a copy to be kept with your will. You should also express your wish to donate your body to medical science in writing and have it witnessed. Finally, you should inform your next of kin and/or the executor of your will of this wish.

It's in my Will that I don't want a funeral and I've told my children that. I've been the chief mourner at far too many of the things and I don't want them to have to go through that. There's no one else left to consider so it won't be disappointing anyone and I can save us the expense.
Besides that I don't like how many women choose to dress at funerals

Save up thousands of pounds just so some over dramatic people can have their black outfit moment?? Nah!
Fuck that.

Seriously, over dramatic I do hope no one thinks I'm over dramatic when I mourn my terminally ill father. Black outfit moment? Do fuck off

I want my body to be useful in death, in some way, and for my "legacy" to be a damn fine rave, with banging music, cos that's how I've lived!

And this would be a funeral of sorts, it's a marking of your death.