To think that nobody would come to my funeral

[forlornalien]

I see it being nobody other than my children, the vicar and the undertaker.
Obviously I will never know one way or the other but it's a given based on what my life is like.

Dowser I know - it's shocking how expensive even the most basic funeral is. That's what has prompted me to get a prepaid - I don't want inlaws or relatives to be stuck with a bill. No matter how cheap a one they go for, it would definitely leave them out of pocket.

I read an article in the Guardian, I think it was - did you know that there are sections of local authorities where it is their job to go through your personal effects and track down living relatives of someone who is deceased in order to get them to pay the funeral bills? The pauper's funeral is only if they (a) can't find a relative (b) cannot get the relative to pay the bill. I never knew that! Even then, the Council will get the money back from any estate that is left.

If no-one claims the body from a hospital, the hospital will dispose of it. That is the cheapest option because it is free.

I think if you care enough to post here, you care enough to do something about it in rl.

People can be utter dicks - rude, judgemental and unfriendly - but I wonder if you're like me and you've lived so much of your life tuned into these people as a means of self preservation that you're tuned out to everyone who isn't? Just a hunch.

I think if you care enough to post here, you care enough to do something about it in rl.

People can be utter dicks - rude, judgemental and unfriendly - but I wonder if you're like me and you've lived so much of your life tuned into these people as a means of self preservation that you're tuned out to everyone who isn't? Just a hunch.

My will specifies green burial. I like the idea of just reverting. If I have money to leave I'll put a bit aside for a massive piss-up.

Like forlorn, i also feel like ive slipped through the social cracks a bit. I kind of thought i was the only one to potentially not be mourned.

Upthread someone mentioned the council employees who sort out the affairs of those who die alone. It reminded me of the very touching film "still life" .

If we don't value death it follows that we don't value life

Say what? No it doesn't ?

I'm having a direct to crematorium 'funeral' and both my parents are too. I'm sure my siblings and wider family will have some sort of family get together after my parents die but it won't involve the bodies or ashes,

op what does it matter if a thousand people turned up to your funeral if you haven't been happy, fulfilled and connected to the world around you? It would be know consolation whatsoever. The funeral isn't the real issue, what makes you feel so isolated? What's holding you back and what help do you need?

As a Funeral Director, I have noticed the increasing trend for direct cremation. More people of the opinion ' funeral is a waste of money' . Maybe it is due to less people maintaining religious affiliations? Decrease in church funerals/presence of Vicar at service. A direct cremation is the cheapest option, I suggest a memorial service, at a time that is appropriate for those who wish to pay their respects to the deceased,subsequent to obtaining the ashes perhaps?
'Living Funerals' have been carried out by a few in America...that way you get to enjoy the 'party' , without the overdramatising attendees!
Growing up in a culture that is open about death, the contrast with our 'English' almost taboo attitude is really interesting.
If you do want to opt for the 'foxes and birds eating you' /letting nature take it's course...look at Sky burials!

I don't go to funerals, I know how I want to go which is a religious service that maybe DC might fancy attending, but if they fancy Nando's or getting wrecked in a pub instead that's grand.

Then a burial so my sweet decrepit carcass is available for the second coming. But again only want a Priest in attendance.

I was forced to go to a funeral, only benefits were seeing family.

I know a funeral director, the one funeral I was made to go to, they refused to go as it was being run by the Co-Op who they think treat death as a production line. Where they take their trade really seriously.

Like there's little point in embalming, you're not going to be around enough for the rot to set in. You're cooked to such a temperature that it's like deep freezing and thawing a chicken breast. Them little buggers take some time.

I actually visited the person before cremation. I touched their face or hand, all I remember was getting there, waiting 10 minutes to be ushered into a room. It was freezing although it was summer so the air con was nice. Touching them, the skin felt like skin but cold.

You pay a fortune for cars, make full bloody use of them.

Go to a local family run practise as they'll be grateful for your custom. They'll do things the old fashioned way.

Like when your dead, so your mouth doesn't gape they sew it shut through the roof of your mouth.

I've heard some right stories.

Sorry had to laugh at PutTheBunny's comment. I was thinking being such a medical marvel and having done a few research things where I donate blood & tissue, maybe doing that when deceased might help move science along. Hopefully I don't have the clap

I've only been to a humanist service, it felt like this is your life, expected them to put a red box on top of the coffin. But I'm religious. So...

Fairytalesarebullshit It is sad when businesses treat funerals like a production line. A funeral should be a celebration of a unique life, not being forced to sign up to unnecessary expenses! I offer a 'blank sheet' plan...family members can add what they want, then pay for just that...no upselling coffins/embalming etc. Yes, it's a business not a charity but I find it unethical to take advantage of families consumed by grief...family run undertakers are disappearing and it makes me wonder if this attitude of not wanting a funeral is linked to the lack of local family run funeral directors, who were a part of the community?

📕 This is your life hehe

what does it matter if a thousand people turned up to your funeral if you haven't been happy, fulfilled and connected to the world around you

Great point!

I have limited contact with toxic family thanks to merciful geographical distance. I could do more/see more and get more people in my life. But to be honest, the stress it would cause me would likely send me to my death much earlier anyway

My 80y old parents both want a very small, simple funeral. Given they've outlived all their friends and I've got no brothers or sisters, that's what they'll get! It'll be me, my DCs, and my dad's foster brother (whom I regard as an uncle) and his partner, and a few of my closest friends. We'll have a pint afterwards.

living funeral fuck me that's just wierd.

Well I won't know or care!
They can lob me on the BBQ for all I care...
I do like a nice hymn though 😀

All I would say is that a funeral is for the people left behind.
It's to help them say goodbye and it serves that purpose well
You don't have to have one if you don't want one...direct cremation is the cheapest and simplest way I think?

Badders I didn't feel that about any of the funerals I've attended (parents, neice). They didn't help me feel any better at all.
I've decided on a direct cremation. I looked into it after David Bowie died and thought it sounded like a great idea. It gets the job done , and if my kids want to they can plant a bush in my memory, or do whatever they feel relates to me as a person.

I found it comforting
So many people came and said such lovely things about dad
Everyone's different I guess
I'm sorry for your loss

I'm torn between wanting to spare my dh and dc the job of sorting a funeral and thinking that they might like some input....
I've jotted a couple of things down...music, a poem I like, But that's it
Up to them really

I attended the funeral of an elderly family member yesterday. Church service, then crematorium with small service. It felt like mourning twice - horrible. I want direct cremation and a memorial service at my church. DH and DCs are fully aware of my wishes.

I found the Good Funeral Guide

www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/

And emailed them to ask about cheaper but good FD in my area and I was given the names of one or two who turned out to be fantastic.

I was able to do a small but beautiful funeral for £2000 ( cremation) hearse but no cars, and I was very happy with it.

We didnt use a celebrant they wanted £200 for it - so the FD said a few words, and we did our own order of service and it was lovely.

I think one problem is the funeral can happen so soon after the death everyone is still so raw. I like the idea of Direct C, because then at a later date when you dont feel so raw you can have a meal, gathering etc...and say all the nice things then.

I have lost quite a few close family members now and getting good at organizing funerals.