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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not stop my DC doing things because other people don't want their DC to do them?

466 replies

hollyvsivy · 25/04/2017 22:42

My children are adventurous and unless something is dangerous or unsafe for themselves or others, I don't see the problem. Increasingly I find myself being scowled at by other parents whose DC want to copy mine as if I should stop mine to help them out. I've had passive agressive comments, too. As far as I'm concerned, it's up to them to enforce their rules on their children - not me.

Some examples to give you an idea of the contexts of these situations:

Splashing in puddles
Climbing trees
Standing up on the swing
Climbing the slide (as long as no one else is waiting to go down)
Painting their hands and feet at toddler group
Rolling down hills

AIBU to continue to let my children do what I'm fine with them doing and ignore disapproving outsiders who expect me to stop them so their children won't do the same?

OP posts:
Sample1936 · 26/04/2017 05:19

Standing on the swing so that the seat is muddy for the next person is poor manners. Climbing the slide is annoying because that's not how it's used and it makes things awkward for the nect child eho inevitably suddenly appears having climbed up the correct way. Plus the dirty shoes... when your actions affect other people you need to adhere by common appropriate behaviour.
It's just fucking manners and common sense.

I think you're too lax and inconsiderate.

sparkleandsunshine · 26/04/2017 05:29

Climbing slides is dangerous and in my opinion you shouldn't encourage it, because it just takes a child to get overly excited and run up once without looking or another child run up to the steps whilst they're climbing and then you'll have a collision and whoever was there first it will be your child's fault- slide=one way street.
It seems odd that people are dissaproving of you letting your children be adventurous. I could understand it more if you were letting your children run riot, lots of screaming and rough play, because they probably want their children to learn to play nicely and not pick up bad behaviour from yours. But if they are genuinely controlled and just like to play outdoors with what they find then good for them!
I know a mum who lets her ds do whatever he wants in or out of the house and myself and all our friends regard him as a nightmare, he is very cute and when he is calm they take lovely videos of him talking (he'll be 3 in August) BUT we have never seen him calm, he runs riot, he throws toys, he attacks other children, he runs away from his mum and she's quite a large lady and openly admits she can't keep up with him. He hits and screams constantly and we all dread them coming round.
She says he is boisterous and adventurous.
I hope you can see the difference, because she can't and it has meant no one invites her to anything any more!

claraschu · 26/04/2017 05:31

Climbing up slides is fun. I have spent many years at playgrounds and seen hundreds of kids climbing up slides, with no huge catastrophes.

I agree op, that lots of parents get annoyed at things which are completely harmless. Here are a few more I have seen other parents try to stop my children from doing: eating (clean, fresh) snow, getting wet on a hot day in a friend's garden, walking up the outside of a very short staircase holding on to the rail from the wrong side, climbing on a car, riding in a car without a seat belt on a very slow private dirt driveway which was half a mile wrong (think backwoods USA driving at a walking pace).

Here is behaviour I have seen parents ignore, which has made me livid: annoying, hurting, abusing, and killing wildlife.

engineersthumb · 26/04/2017 05:33

Sounds fine to me. Kids get dirty in play parks (if they are using them right!) so shoes on swings and slides isn't really an issue. Obviously if they are caked in mud them it's slightly different but it's not a bus seat or restaurant chair!

JustAnotherPoster00 · 26/04/2017 05:58

OP sounds normal to me so I think YANBU

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barefoofdoctor · 26/04/2017 06:03

Unbelievably I often get congratulated' on letting DD3 splash and run about in puddles, particularly when we visit relatives in a small town (we live in the countryside so children seem to be more free range). with comments about how lovely it is seeing children be children and how rare it is to see this now. I have also been congratulated on more than one occasion at the supermarket by the checkout person pleased to see we're buying healthy food/heaps of fruit and veg and how you see so many parents buying beige crap. Weird but i'll happily lap up the praise ;) Not keen on the misuse of playground equipment as I'm a bit of a stickler for rules so YANBU but YA also B a little bit U.

Tenerife2015 · 26/04/2017 06:06

It's called risky play and is essential to your child's development! Carry on!

BouleBaker · 26/04/2017 06:18

I was once berated for letting my children splash in puddles. They were having an absolute whale of a time, no-one else nearby. Then a woman walked past with her daughter who was dressed in wellies, a macintosh and a plastic hat. The girl obviously, desperately, wanted to splash in a puddle too but was forbidden from doing so by her mother who then glared at me and called me thoroughly irresponsible. See, there are nutters out there.

waterrat · 26/04/2017 06:41

Twice recently I saw small children actuAlly told off for getting sand on their clothes by..yes...going in a Sand pit. It was really sad to see a child enjoying themselves and then being hauled out brushed off angrily and told off for spoiling their nice clean clothes. On both occasions the children were just playing normally.

Normal kid behaviour is continually knocked and restricted sadly.

Frazzledmum123 · 26/04/2017 06:53

Oh I have always thought i was a bit of a misery with some things but I let my kids climb slides and chase pigeons, it's all about context I agree. If there were anybody near the slide or their shoes were muddy then I wouldn't allow it and it'd be a one off, not repeatedly so if that means it temporarily put a child off using it then fine, they can wait 5 mins the same as mine would if there was a queue! As long as they didn't do it over and over and hog it and I'd be at hand to make sure they are safe

Chasing pigeons I used to hate but I caved once and now let them do it. Rules are they only run from the side that makes them fly away from people (in a big park) and don't hurt them

To be honest it usually all comes down to parents being lazy and not supervising their kids. You don't have to hover over them but I believe you should watch them constantly. I was once at a baby stay and play and a mum of a 2 year old set him down then got out a magazine whilst her child snatched toys and drove over tiny kids on the floor on those peddle cars. I've also seen parents in toddler pools just sit and chat and not properly supervise (then the little darlings terrorise the others) and people allowing kids to jump in puddles when people are passing, those are the things that annoy me!

Pengweng · 26/04/2017 07:02

I let mine climb up the slide in our garden with bare feet but not at the park with shoes on. But I wouldn't get annoyed unless your kids weren't actually letting others come down the slide.

I'd be Hmm about you letting kids stand on swings though. Bloody dangerous if they lose their grip and come flying off.

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 07:03

Painting hands and feet at toddler group is not on. That's the kind of thing you should do at home so it's only your stuff that gets covered in hand and footprints.

I don't think climbing up the slide in a park is on either.

However, I am sniggering at the the idea that jumping in puddles is adventurous in anyway.

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 07:04

I'd be hmm about you letting kids stand on swings though. Bloody dangerous if they lose their grip and come flying off.

Pretty dangerous if they lose their grip and come flying off when seated too.

sleepingdragons · 26/04/2017 07:06

I'm surprised at all the slide climbing judging.

I've never stopped mine slide climbing if there are no other kids on it. Like people have said it's about context.

NavyandWhite · 26/04/2017 07:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 26/04/2017 07:12

As others have said so much depends on context.

Slide climbing , bird chasing - as the majority seem to agree are both big no nos

Others depend on context. I am all for puddle splashing when the time is right but do judge the mum who lets her child splash in puddles outside school at pick up time because his jumping then means others end up wet/muddy

shellhider · 26/04/2017 07:13

Ignore them. Climbing up slides is fun as long as you are there supervising and making sure there isn't a collision. Both of mine climbed up slides and there was never an accident because I watched them.

SoupDragon · 26/04/2017 07:14

No bird chasing here - I'd be commenting on that myself as I hate it.

Then you are just the same as the parents you are complaining about, you just have a different set of boundaries.

WellErrr · 26/04/2017 07:15

It's been explained many times about the slide climbing if people would only rtft

  • it makes the slide less slidey (therefore less enjoyable) for everyone else
  • it puts other children off playing on it

If people want to encourage or allow their children to keep doing it despite this, then they're being an entitled fuckwits.

And I say this as a parent of farm children who are allowed to do all adventurous activities - just not allowed to be selfish snowflakes.

shellhider · 26/04/2017 07:19

WellErr I have rtft about the slide climbing and I disagree. Just because I have rtft doesn't mean that I have to accept what the majority are saying does it? I have my own opinions and why would I change them because I am the minority? Hmm

Oblomov17 · 26/04/2017 07:19

I don't have a problem with slide climbing or swing standing.
Surprised at how many parents on this thread do! Shock
Wouldn't recommend climbing up if it's busy, or other children there, but occasionally, it's fine.

MiaowTheCat · 26/04/2017 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WellErrr · 26/04/2017 07:25

shell do you usually think everything's about you?

There are lots of posters asking 'what's the problem with slide climbing?' and 'I'm surprised at the judging over slide climbing' etc.

It is possible that not everything is about you.

AnUtterIdiot · 26/04/2017 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 26/04/2017 07:32

I am nearly 60 (eeeeek).
When I was a child we did all that and more. It was normal behaviour for children. Go-kart without brakes down a steep hill, building huge bombfires and setting fore to things, anything that could be climbed..

Todays children are sanitised out of risk and learning.