To think il never have sex again?!

[lifesjoys]

Okay il admit it! I live my life on here.
Solely because I trust you all to give good & honest advice.

27 years old, have a 4 week old baby.
The birth was difficult near the end, needed a forceps delivery.

Ended with a haematoma, was also cut for the forceps.

TMI
Went to the gp to have my vagina checked out due to discharge (different colour than normal)

She decided to take swabs, used a speculum & omg the pain was horrendous! Not only did it hurt going in, it hurt whilst in & it also hurt higher up too.

Now I've had countless internals in the past & can say they haven't ever been uncomfortable let alone hurt!

I'm too tight now (I was sewn up tighter than I was previously, the consultant told me this), so that's added to the pain!

Is this it?? Is this the end of my sex life??!!

Contact PALS to help you complain, you shouldn't put up with such crappy treatment from the hospital, it's absolutely fine to want explanations about what happened.

I'm really sorry you've had such a bad experience, it must be so difficult and annoying to be going through this when you should be able to concentrate on healing and spending time with your baby.

But, it will get better, time does heal, your body is amazing, you will be ok. And if you are not happy with the healing process bang on doors to get help, there are nurses, physios, therapists, consultants who can help you. You don't have to put up with a ruined body and sex life. Good luck.

Lifesjoys that's a good idea. I was similar, they told me about DS but I was on morphine and a bit confused.

I hope it helps you. That's suspicious about the consent form. I'd tell them if they can't produce it you'll be seeking legal advice, watch them miraculously find it.

I had forceps and stitches too. I remember being shocked by how much pain my whole body was in for weeks after. My vagina was sore for a long time - not as a result of penetration, just sore all the time.

Anyway it did heal and I actually found sex better afterwards. No idea why. Maybe more confident having spent hours half naked in front of midwives etc??

Give it time x

Tea tree oil - a few drops on your pad and it helps with the pain.

Check first that you are not allergic to tea tree oil.

How do you know if you have a prolapse??

I hope it does heal, I know I'm only 4 weeks pp but I guess I'm just concerned that's all

It took around 3 months after DS was born to even think about it (tear and stitches). DD is 8 weeks and again, I'm not even contemplating it. My pelvic floor is well and truly gone too. I actually had a post partum haemorrhage and had a catheter in for a day. I was told to go for a pee within a couple of hours of it coming out. I didn't as I didn't feel the need. When I stood up 5 hours later I wet myself, I had no sensation of needing a pee and wasn't able to stop it. Absolutely mortified😔. I'm keen to start running once DDs colic calms down and not sure I'll be able to without wetting myself. I'm sure these anxieties are common OP.

I thought tee tree oil would burn?!

I severe bleeding twice.
Had a catheter put in from epidural on a Monday & not removed until Wednesday.

I had to physically push the wee out when I went to toilet.

I had severe bleeding

Mind you, OP, I realise you wished you had had a c-section but let me reassure you that they are by no means a walk in the park either considering the way they cut your belly open. There's risk of infections and complications. You still end up with a catheter. Your pelvic floor still needs exercises as pregnancy has played havoc with it.

Do hope your situation improves though and you will feel better soon.

Im 8 months pp and had a coil fitted at 8 weeks, that didnt hurt but god the spectrum thing DID it felt like constant nipping/ scratching and I relived being stitched up all over again.
Op give it time, I'm almost back to normal now. Oh and the new born baby bit exhausted me. Its nice looking back and thinking awww we could have just stayed in bed all day watching films and staring at ds but in reality it's quite shit at the time but defiantly gets better. I'm ready for dc2 now anyway

Mind you, OP, I realise you wished you had had a c-section but let me reassure you that they are by no means a walk in the park either

I didn't want a c section solely for the risks & the fact life is difficult for around 6 weeks after maybe longer.

However, going through what I did.

Forceps
Severe bleeding
Ending up in critical care
Cut open -perineum
Haematoma
Severe swelling (not able to walk)
Blood transfusions
Iron transfusions
Catheter
Surgery to repair said haematoma
Urinary and bowel incontinence
Pain inside vagina
2x antibiotics
Infection in the womb

I will have to go with the fact that a c section certainly would have been the best choice and for me, would have been a walk in the park.

I will definitely opt for a c section next time, no arguments. I will be grateful for the scar!!

Stevie, I sat next time il have a c section however I have very much decided I am not having anymore kids.

They say women were made to give birth, then why does everything go to shit afterwards??

Il be honest, it's all bloody negative.

I understand about pelvic floor exercises hence paying £150 for a toner!

However, it's the pain I experience too!

If someone else would carry the baby & look after him/her until they are in a routine, then I'd gladly have another!

Yes, I understand your childbirth experience would have been different. The point I was trying to make is that a c section could have gone wrong or come with many complications and a long recovery too. And you might have then found yourself saying you wished you had opted for vb instead. I had a section and my vagina didn't feel great or back to normal for a long time too. I certainly wasn't up for sex for quite a while. But it does get better. And babies do settle into routines eventually. It just takes time.

They say women were made to give birth, then why does everything go to shit afterwards??
It isn't like that for everyone and there's no way to predict which way it will go. I was fine 4 weeks PP with my first and I being intimate with my DP 2 weeks PP after my second. Nothing has really changed. People on this thread have said how four weeks is so early, but it's not for everyone and you're not doing anything wrong by wishing/expecting that it was better by now. I hope this doesn't come across as smug/boasty, because I actually mean that I think there was something very wrong with your birth for you to be feeling this way and I would definitely be making a complaint. I always said I wanted a c section over an episiotomy, I think that is the limit of intervention for me as it always seems to be a horrific recovery from what I've read.

OP, it's still early days it really is, give it time. You've only just given birth, you've got a newborn and you're still recovering. Everything is a shock.

Get yourself to a women's health physio, your local hospital should have them. My hospital does drop in clinics so find out how yours works. It's really worth it and they can give you some pelvic floor exercises and assess damage. You'll have a six week check with the GP too. Have you spoken to your health visitor? The other thing to be mindful of is PND, if you've had a difficult birth and it wasn't what you were expecting so look after yourself too. Have you got family support?

MrsChopper white true, a cesarean won't leave you with a vagina that's ruined.

While*

OP I think you need to speak to HV about how you are feeling and see if they can get you some help. Your birth sounds really traumatic and you need some support to come to terms with that so you can enjoy your baby and bond. Traumatic births can trigger PTSD and PND so you need to access the right support. Have you got any RL support?

That's not necessarily always true Kitten as the cervix and vagina have still gone through pregnancy and potentially dilation which can sometimes cause as much damage.

I am 23 months post birth. Sex still hurts, I now have no sex drive whatsoever and never get aroused (so makes it more painful if I try). Feels like the side that was cut is going to split open. Mind over matter or something wrong? I don't know. But I don't think I would care if I never had sex again

A c-section can still leave you with pelvic floor issues as it's the pregnancy that ruins it.

Yes, I understand your childbirth experience would have been different. The point I was trying to make is that a c section could have gone wrong or come with many complications and a long recovery too. And you might have then found yourself saying you wished you had opted for vb instead. I had a section and my vagina didn't feel great or back to normal for a long time too. I certainly wasn't up for sex for quite a while. But it does get better. And babies do settle into routines eventually. It just takes time.

I completely understand that, the sole reason I didn't want a c section, however i nearly died after giving birth because I lost so much blood.

A c section would definitely be a better & safer option for me given what happened after my son arrived.

Had none of the above happened then of course I'd have planned to have more kids & had VB's every time.

I wouldn't say I've got PND, as I'm happier now than I was BEFORE the birth.

I was miserable & suicidal, I hated my life, how I looked. I felt trapped & wanted to run away. I couldn't get out of bed.

Since having my son, I no longer feel suicidal, I am quite happy about how I look although could lose some more weight. I get up and dressed everyday no matter the plans.

I eat healthy, I am content.

C sections can totally muck up your ability to have / enjoy sex as well, e.g: www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/11376296/Sex-after-birth-Caesarean-could-ruin-your-sex-life.html

I've experienced anorgasmia and pain during sex since my CS two years ago, and haven't even been able to use tampons or my mooncup.
Now I'm pregnant again my ability to orgasm has come back (although I still get pain), so I guess it was a hormonal thing. I have no feeling at all between my belly button and scar, but some people get chronic pain instead of numbness, so it could be worse. I still end up with abdominal pain after extended walking / lifting / standing, and in cold weather.

I think VB and CS can both cause massive issues and it's just down to luck whether you come out of it relatively unscathed or not. Educating women or giving them more support would help, though - nobody told me what the long term side effects of my CS would be, I had to google and ask my GP if my symptoms were normal.

Hey OP, I'm so sorry this happened, I would look into PTSD rather than PND, I had a traumatic birth and after a hospital debrief, CBT after being referred by the GP really helped me deal with the anger (completely justified anger you must be feeling :( )
There's a group on Facebook The Birth Trauma Association I think, and probably a section on Mumsnet? Talking to other mums about it and not comparing (like some others have done on this thread?!) helped me. Comparing and belittling got me so angry and I still don't talk to some friends who thought I was being "ungrateful" for my child. It's nothing to do with that, so please don't be hard on yourself. I agree that women should know more about what can happen with a vaginal birth.
Hope you get the help you need and things start looking up xx