To think il never have sex again?!

[lifesjoys]

Okay il admit it! I live my life on here.
Solely because I trust you all to give good & honest advice.

27 years old, have a 4 week old baby.
The birth was difficult near the end, needed a forceps delivery.

Ended with a haematoma, was also cut for the forceps.

TMI
Went to the gp to have my vagina checked out due to discharge (different colour than normal)

She decided to take swabs, used a speculum & omg the pain was horrendous! Not only did it hurt going in, it hurt whilst in & it also hurt higher up too.

Now I've had countless internals in the past & can say they haven't ever been uncomfortable let alone hurt!

I'm too tight now (I was sewn up tighter than I was previously, the consultant told me this), so that's added to the pain!

Is this it?? Is this the end of my sex life??!!

I didn't realise you turned clairvoyant when you had a baby?

I didn't realise you turned clairvoyant when you had a baby?

Please elaborate

I had the same as you with my first, took me quite a while to feel back to normal again (i'd say about 5 months) before sex was anywhere near comfortable. Its still early days yet and you were probably tensing. In a few weeks or months or when you feel ready, try gentle foreplay with lots of lube and wine! Then progress as it feels comfortable. Talk to you DP and explain how you feel. Don't beat yourself up after 4 weeks.

Elaborate? Well you seem to know exactly what the future holds and what is going to happen. I thought my comment self-explanatory.

4 weeks is nothing. I had what was described by the gynae as a "fecking train wreck" at a check up at 3 months, but a year and a half later its much much better. It will never be quite the same again, but shit happens.

4 weeks is very early . You're still healing . I had lots of stitches and bruising on dc 1. I was very sore for months. I had sex again when dc was 6 months and not again til he was almost a year .... but my problem was mainly psychological. You say you feel very 'tight' while I felt very 'lose'. Dh didn't notice any difference that's what he says anyway but sometimes it's more difficult to get your head around something. Dh was very patient and understanding cos we had a few failed attempts in between.
We went o to have 2 more dcs and have a good sex life now.
Give yourself time nd don't feel under any pressure.

I remember being horrified by something my mum told me. She said when she had me (back in 1965) there was a husband her visited his wife in hospital a few days after giving birth and they drew the curtains round the bed and had sex on the ward. The woman told my mum, that she was worried he would go off her if she didn't comply (different generation but it horrified me!)

Elaborate? Well you seem to know exactly what the future holds and what is going to happen. I thought my comment self-explanatory.

I'm confused as to what the hell you are on about, so clearly I don't think I'm a clairvoyant!

Obviously I don't know what the future holds however based on RIGHT now, I don't ever expect to be able to have sex again.

I need advise not people chucking their 2 pence in.

It's threads like these that convince me I was right in choosing an ELCS

Hope you feel better soon OP!

OP is aggressive because she feels like shit. She's a young woman who feels like her life has been ruined by health issues she didn't even realise could result.

Yes it's likely she'll recover but until then, the anxiety around it will cause distress. Have some empathy.

Very smug kitten great help.

Not smug at all I just think OP is in a shit situation and am acknowledging it instead of downplaying it.

Four weeks is nowt - I had a straightforward relatively easy birth, one relatively mild 2nd degree tear, but I was still sore and bleeding at that point!

You've been through a lot, and it will take a while to heal. Take heed from the other posters who've had assisted /traumatic births to get a handle on what's to be expected/normal, and don't be afraid to insist on additional medical attention if it feels like things aren't healing up as they should.

It's always difficult to believe that your body is really going to be able to heal itself and get better, especially when you're feeling like shit and time just stretches out in front of you with seemingly no meaning. But the body is pretty incredible at healing itself - you just need to give it time, don't put any pressure on yourself or your body.

I can understand your anger lifesjoys but I promise it will get better. As so many others have said, 4 weeks pp is so so early.

I had a horrific time with DS1, complete incontinence, giant episiotomy and massive internal tear. I thought I'd never be right again afterwards, I couldn't walk for about a week and shuffled for months. Had sex at 6 weeks pps and thought my insides we're going to fall out after. It was hideous.

I felt my life was over, I'd never be the same again and resenting everything and was so angry this had happened to me.

Fast forward 18 months I'm much better and now expecting DD1. The body has an amazing capacity to heal, give yourself some time and it WILL improve.

It took about a year to be able to have sex without pain after my first. I did talk the doctor who "helpfully" prescribed an anaesthetic cream. Still not forgiven that!

It's really early days and a difficult delivery can take time to recover from.

Why the aggression OP?

Have you not read the dig from USER?

Not smug at all I just think OP is in a shit situation and am acknowledging it instead of downplaying it.

Thanks kitten!

I thought a c section was the last resort, the worst option!

If I could go back, I'd have pushed for an ELCS.

I was told all the potential risks during pregnancy, even the ones which were unlikely but not the ones during/after birth.

They didn't even explain about the forceps, only the epidural.

lifesjoys I think it's really disgusting that women aren't told the risks of a natural birth. I researched it because the idea sounded unpleasant to me and the more I read the more I didn't want one.

I feel so sorry for you right now, I'd be distraught if this had happened. Do you think it might be helpful to talk to someone about it? The hospital offered a service for traumatic births where you could go back and discuss it. I used it because my son needed SCBU and they were helpful

Thank you all for your words of advice & support.

I am just worried I won't ever be able to be me again, I'm single so trying to explain this to a future potential man, is going to be difficult.

I do hope it heals fully.

I have started using my kegel8 ultra 20 so hopefully I stop wee'ing myself!

*lifesjoys I think it's really disgusting that women aren't told the risks of a natural birth. I researched it because the idea sounded unpleasant to me and the more I read the more I didn't want one.

I feel so sorry for you right now, I'd be distraught if this had happened. Do you think it might be helpful to talk to someone about it? The hospital offered a service for traumatic births where you could go back and discuss it. I used it because my son needed SCBU and they were helpful*

I'm so angry because ALL I was told was the risks of c section so I left thinking a natural birth was the safest option, left with a butchered vagina especially after I was stitched up wrong & developed a horrendous haematoma!

Please tell me who I contact to discuss the birth!

Lifesjoys it's unfair. I contacted the hospital I gave birth at. It was a few months after the birth and a doctor was there.

They explained why my son had been ill and what treatment he'd received, what could have avoided it (in our case it was unavoidable), how it would affect us and answered any questions I had.

In my case there was also an issue of mistreatment by staff and that was dealt with there too.

it helped me "get over" the upset I felt around it. In my case though I wasn't physically injured by it so I imagine it'd be harder for you

I think I may write to the hospital as they explained everything whilst I was in hospital but given the fact it had just happened & I was in copious amounts of pain killers, I don't remember much so feel I need to be told again.

I also requested from the midwife 3 times for the consent form I signed in regards to the forceps, however she conveniently forgot to bring it to me each time!

I wish I'd had a c section too. I had a forceps delivery after a lot of pushing. After the birth of had a severe prolapse.

That was 5 years ago and I've had 2 repair operations. The latest one was a fortnight ago. They haven't worked and my uterus is still hanging down. I've had sex no more than 20 times since then. I've no idea if there are any more options but I'm only 41 and feel it's quite likely I won't have much sex again.

So I really really feel your pain and I think you're quite right to be angry and upset. Such damage should be avoidable in this day and age.