To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

[GibbonMinstrel]

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

Outrageous. I would find the school's complaints policy and follow the process outlined. Say that's what you are doing in the complaint letter and mention any related safeguarding, bullying/ harassment and victimisation concerns you may have.
I suspect there will be a timeline and process in the complaints policy for how/ when/ who needs to respond to your complaint. You may have a right to appeal to governors as well if you are unhappy. Good luck.

Tell the head to get bent. The best solution would be to allow them space not force friendship. Shred the contract.

I'd wipe my backside with that bloody contract and take it in and make the bully sign that copy. Bloody ridiculous i'd be absolutely steaming and keeping my d's home til a) contract ripped up and b) bully was punished. Surely that contract isn't enforceable? Good luck

Wtf.....
Hope someone gets back to you with an actual solution and you don't get fobbed off

I got an e mail

Won't specify anything other than. I have been refused a copy of the contract. I'm not allowed to see it. I HAVE THAT IN WRITING

This is actually hilarious. Dh has taken this over and his law people (at work) are going to help him. I'm impressed. I'm taking him to the science museum tomorrow-fuck yes 💪🏻

My son's old school tried to convince him to play with a boy who he didn't like with good reason. (They were y4) They backed down as a result of my complaint but if ds hadn't told me... I shudder to think how long it would have gone on.

Go to the school and demand to see this contract. (Photograph it for evidence) You need to tell them that this contract is void as your son was coerced and didn't have a chance to discuss with you or his dad. Nobody has to play with anyone. Everybody needs to be kind to each other. That is all.

Take this higher. Get a copy of their bullying policy. Your son is being bullied by the Head and this boy and it must be stopped.

that is an absolute joke, OP. What were their reasons? I would be tempted to threaten police involvement at that point, tbh. He's a minor. They can't get him to sign something without your consent.

Y'all know that hole the HT had dug.... It just got a whole lot bigger.....

I cannot imagine how the HT can even begin to defend this. Pleased you have some legal assistance. Hoping for a good outcome.

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They've refused to let you see this contract? 😱

You must escalate this - LEA, Ofsted and Governors?

Get a copy of the complaints policy. This is insane behaviour.

He did make himself look a knob with the BBQ contract so I hope he's going to conduct himself more sensibly from now on. Your son needs advocates against this madness.

Don't governors automatically back up headteachers? In my experience, yes, they do .

Haven't read the whole thread (just too knackered from a day at school) but as a teacher, if a kid has no friends because he's a a little turd his behaviour is violent then the onus is on the parent to encourage their child to be the type of child others want to be friends with.
The contract sounds utterly batshit

Wow! this school is really digging that hole well and truly deep! Fab that you have it in writing. She should have entitled it as her resignation. Fools.

Re governors and headteachers... Not always.

An (excellent) old head of mine told the (rubbish) governors to resign or she would.

We lost a really excellent leader because of them, along with most of the leadership team.

As always, check for the schools version of events before becoming angry 🙄

Contract! A child and remember children until 18 in this child friendly country cannot be responsible for terms of a contract. Would definitely want meeting with Head and other staff involved in incident. And what has happened to other child - has he also signed a contract, if so what are his terms of the agreement. Children fall out and fight but they should not be forced to "like'" anyone. Madness.

This is so tedious. Of course no child should be forced to play with another child. That's insane. Fine to have rules about bullying, politeness etc, but that's it!

I went through a phase in my last year at primary school of not playing with any other children. I was perfectly happy, but wanted to daydream and be on my own. The teachers kept worrying about it and asking my parents if I was ok. I was fine. And I'm very sociable now.

That head needs to pull their head from their arse. They are just digging an enormous hole....

So your school has put pressure on your son to sign a 'contract' that his legal guardian is not allowed to see? This is a child protection issue, surely? Please take this as far as it will go, OP, as loudly and firmly as you can. I'm furious for you.

Just out of interest... I know you probably don't know op, but have they bothered to specify in this "contract" whether DS has to play with the bully for three days or for the next three days. Because technically, if it's the latter he will be safe once three days are up, and if it's the former he can choose which days those are. Although I doubt the school is intelligent enough to think it through that far!

I would just report your concerns straight to Ofsted and also the Local Authority.
HT is clearly not capable.

Definite child protection issue. I would be calling the police for advice.

I am horrified at this.

This needs sorting asap how awful for you all! I was bullied from 4 all through primary for being a bit odd, school stopping a song about a hedgehog call Holly when I started, having a patch and glasses walking target I got quieter and more tearful as it went on. The teachers almost every year sat me next to one of the 3 bullies because I calmed them down in class. It has affected me ever since I am really socially awkward and used to get terrible anxiety.

This is riduclous - poor you and pot DS. This sounds similar to carry on with my eldest daughter she 7. At her school we have this whole motto of you must play with everyone and include everyone. Which quite frankly in the real world just doesn't happen!! DD has a right bully of a girl in her class - the girl has tormented DD mentally rather than physically! We've had six months of massive meltdowns, stopping eating (lost over half a stone) and constant hand washing. Her anxiety levels are thru the roof! The schools response rather than separate the girls is encouraging my DD to spend time with the bully and have referred my DD to CAHMS.
All I would say is stand firm on this, go back to the school. Ask to see bullying polices, make sure things are documented. When schools are audited they have to clearly show evidence that they are tackling bullying appropriately. Good luck!