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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really, really dislike small children

175 replies

lakewiththewhiteswan · 24/04/2017 21:34

I know it's sounds awful.

Before I had children I pictured myself as a Mary poppins character , smiling serenely as children flocked naturally towards me, staring up at me with awed expressions and gently holding out a hand for me to clutch.

As it is I LOVE my children but gosh I find them relentless and hard, hard work. I know it's not their fault, they are good children but normal children so obviously everything is all about them.

The problem is they are so full on and demanding it just pushes anything else out. I can't have a conversation with a friend or DH or do anything really!

PLUS many friends have small children who do not treat me with starry expressions. Mostly they burst into tears if you smile at them

I'm glad I have had children but I wish I could cut out this 2-6ish period, I cannot cope!

OP posts:
iloveeverykindofcat · 25/04/2017 07:31

Do you know what I really hate, and it's happened a few times to me, is when friends who are childless by choice say to me "I can't be doing with small kids. Give me a 5 year old who can hold a conversation, and I'm fine. But the little ones... no."

This is also wrong! I don't have kids but I have some cracking conversations with my best friend's 3.5 yr old. Granted she's verbally advanced, but don't think for a second she doesn't have opinions and indeed, insights into her world.

Crunchymum · 25/04/2017 07:33

Have a 2yo and a 4yo. God these are tojt ages.

My 4yo is actually a pretty easy going, my 2yo is not.

I adore them both but no one ever tells you how hard and relentless and constant it all is.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 25/04/2017 07:34

I don't read mommy blogs, but if they provide something for other mums to read and feel they are not alone and a reassurance in some way then I really don't see why we should knock them.
Each to their own. Gin optional.

Crunchymum · 25/04/2017 07:34

tough ages

SoupDragon · 25/04/2017 07:36

Some hilarious over reactions here.

The OP didn't say she wants to lock all small children up in the workhouse until they turn 5.

bluebellrailway · 25/04/2017 07:37

I thought I loathed small children until I had my own and started to interact with other people's as well. I love them. Much prefer them to adults. What you see is what you get.... no hidden agendas. Mine are 2 and 4, I almost wish I could freeze frame this period.

TheFirstMrsDV · 25/04/2017 07:42

I am not accusing anyone of anything nor am I judging women for not skipping through fields of daisies with their little moppets Confused

I have five kids. Its not like I don't understand the challenges and you could search my posting high and low and not find me judging a mother for finding things tough.

a pp pointed out the oddness of disliking a whole group of people and basically got told to stfu.

I tell you what is weird and judgemental on MN. Say you hate babies and toddlers and find 8 years olds all to be little bastards and you will (rightly) find lots of support.

Admit you can't handle teenagers and you will get told you should never have had kids and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Personally I find babies and toddlers a walk in the park. I find teens very difficult. You talk about baleful looks. Try bribing a screaming teen with packet of Organix carrot puffs Grin

ToothTrauma · 25/04/2017 07:45

I like babies but toddlers are a fucking nightmare. But then I love school age and teens.

The prospect of toddlers has put me off having my own but DH has convinced me the other ages will be worth it so we're TTC now. I'm assuming my own toddlers will be just as annoying as everyone else's but I will them which should mitigate it. Right???

ToothTrauma · 25/04/2017 07:47

*I will love them that should say!

saoirse31 · 25/04/2017 07:51

How can u not love babies tho.... Getting smiles and laughs out of a baby has to be the best, most cheering feeling.

Toddlers and pre schoolers.... Wear them out. Every day.

Also found physical play great, play wrestling etc. makes u and them feel better.

Re whining etc distraction is the best.

Aim for, from child's pt of view to have happy days, lots of laughter.... This is not involving any expense, just way u interact with them.. The more fun, laughter, the less whining.

It will pass and looking back will seem to have flown, even tho it really doesn't.

Littleraincloud · 25/04/2017 07:54

I like children, what I don't like is a high proportion of parents for whom the children act accordingly. A woman locally has vile children. Hitting , smacking , shouting curse words at 2... But she's an awful woman. In public she tries to imitate the mother of topsy and tim but I suspect its a different story behind closed doors

Huldra · 25/04/2017 07:56

0 - 6 months.
If they're your own then cute.
But manage to pull off dull but all encompassing at the same time, they fill all your mental space.
It's like having to carry around a rock all day but even when your put it down again you're still thinking about it.

6 months to 5 years
They're always there, just bloody always there. Physically tugging, in your brain, in your ears. Not much different from babies but they can bloody talk and ask bloody questions. They have opinions and think they have choices.

5 to 9
They go to school and can do some basic things for themselves. Hopefully they sleep well so you have to see them even less.

9 to 13
Bloody hormones and attitude but at least they're still at schoo.

13 to 14
Fuck knows. Why, just why?? But hopefully they still go to school. Occasionally you get the glimmer of a human being lurking.

15 plus
They can be sweet at times really, there's a real human emerging from the swamp. They stay in their rooms or go out with friends. They don't even want go on holiday with you Grin

Original poster
lakewiththewhiteswan · 25/04/2017 08:01

It's not really the same though MrsD because with the other named groups, it is something that's permanent really and also doesn't really seep into their wider personality. Being black or white doesn't make you scream.

I do know some people who find elderly people difficult, acknowledging that many are lovely but this can also be a hard demographic to work with or spend lots of time with.

A three year old will eventually grow into a twenty theee year old (all being well Flowers) a black person will not become white.

But anyway I would love to know how you have conversations with a three year old.

I really can't with mine.

OP posts:
MessyBun247 · 25/04/2017 08:01

bluebellrailway Thats why i love children! What you see is what you get. No bullshit. Unlike most adults Wink

HelgaHufflepuff76 · 25/04/2017 08:08

I love small children but quite dislike pre-teens and teens.

Little kids can be annoying, but they're so innocent whereas older kids can be very nasty and bullying.

Sweepingchange · 25/04/2017 08:13

OP is entitled to her opinion as she is finding parenthood relentless ATM (and it is hard and relentless). I am finding life with just one teen quite hard and a bit joyless atm.

But just as it is ridiculous (and sexist) to portray motherhood as all joy, pastel colours and rainbows etc, I personally dislike this current (and prevalent) attitude that it is somehow cool to dislike a trusting, dependant and vulnerable section of society. Also the notion that only one's own children are loveable. I don't know, I suppose I find it unkind.

There is a reason why small DC behave as they do - yes they are demanding - but it is how they are designed; it's not as though they can help it.

Think how many small DC would be ignored by adults if they didn't have screechy voices Sad.

And I think it is a bit odd to say you dislike an entire section of society based on their age? It would be wierd to say you disliked all 35-40 yr olds (and some of them are a lot more horrible than toddlers!) Surely you like some and not others?

Sweepingchange · 25/04/2017 08:14

Sorry that came out a bit heavier than intended!

MiaowTheCat · 25/04/2017 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hoppinggreen · 25/04/2017 08:20

I like or dislike individual children and adults , I don't have a blanket policy.
I do tend to avoid anyone under 5 though, too much like hard work

bibbitybobbityyhat · 25/04/2017 08:24

I agree with you sweepingchange.

It is not news that parenting is hard and babies/children/teens can be intensely wearing and even unlovable at times.

That is not the same as saying you "really, really dislike" all children! As I said, to have that attitude indicates a lack of something in you as an adult. It seems a really immature thing to say to me. So, no, I wasn't joking with my earlier comment.

shinynewusername · 25/04/2017 08:35

Do you know what I really hate, and it's happened a few times to me, is when friends who are childless by choice say to me "I can't be doing with small kids. Give me a 5 year old who can hold a conversation, and I'm fine. But the little ones... no.

Maybe if childfree people weren't constantly asked to justify their decision and treated as selfish freaks this wouldn't happen?

Personally I'm childfree but with 3 DSC so worst of all worlds Grin

LadyRoseate · 25/04/2017 08:35

Thats why i love children! What you see is what you get. No bullshit.

Actually the friend of DD's that I find hardest to be around is the one who bullshits and lies constantly. I hate it! She's not my child so I feel I can't pull her up on it, it upsets DD and it's so tiresome.

I don't dislike small children but I think that can be a paraphrase for how I do feel, which is that I don't like being around them all the time.

mousymary · 25/04/2017 08:37

Agree that some small children are nice, some are not. Just like adults.

But I get the thing of not being a magnet for children. Some men and women have other people's kids hanging off them but others must exude some sort of kid repellant because even if trying to be nice and friendly the kid susses you and steers clear. I was at a family event last week and there was one dad who was cuddling all the babies and swinging toddlers round, playing football etc etc. Another dad was handed a baby who promptly started bawling. He's a really nice man but looked crap compared to Super Dad.

SoupDragon · 25/04/2017 08:56

Admit you can't handle teenagers and you will get told you should never have had kids and you should be ashamed of yourself.

I have not seen that at all. All I see is agreement from other parents of they are "tricky" creatures.

MycatsaPirate · 25/04/2017 09:24

I love babies. I do. Sometimes I'm lucky and get a smile but mostly they cry when I smile at them. Which is quite sad :o

I agree with whoever said, spend time with other people's kids and then your own seem much better behaved.

DD2 is 11, has autism and can have some real challenging moments which leave me and DP exhausted. But after spending an evening at a friends party one year where they allowed their two ds's to run riot all night jumping, screaming, hitting and shouting and generally being little fuckers, DD2 seemed angelic in comparison.

I picked DD2 up from her activity last night and as we were driving home I actually said to her 'please don't change, stay like you are. You are funny, sweet and kind and I love you loads'. She pulled a funny face at me. But she is, she's lovely. And DD1 is lovely too although got a bit stroppy when I said I couldn't talk on the phone as I was about to get in the car and drive home.