Aibu to get really irritated by my house guest

[Coughingchildren5]

Visitor here for a long weekend for respite due to a traumatic relationship breakup.
She has two under fives who I am doing my best to help entertain and accommodate by giving up my room so they can all fit in together comfortably, stocked up on food they like, arranged activities they like etc.
My aim was to give them a nice weekend together and a bit of extra support which she doesn't get much of at home.

But she is really testing my patience!! Am i b u or do I have grounds to think twice about another visit.

Here is some of the stuff I am holding my tongue over:

She has also brought her very unruly dog who is very yappy and snappy and the children are told not to touch for safety. It chases my cats and nips and runs all over the house, on tables, sofas, beds, raiding bins... This evening it pooed on my living room carpet and on another has peed up the curtain. She doesn't take the initiative to clean up after the dog, she just sits there and laughs. I have to ask several times to make her do it. I have now armed myself with a squirty water bottle to defend myself and family members from this dog as it won't listen to anyone and has tried to nip my husband's legs! She says we provoke her dog by running or being g loud or moving large objects or other normal activities!

She leaves dirty nappies and wet wipes lying around on dinner tables and other furniture. She doesn't even have nappy bags. I have given her some and explained where the nappies need to go as we have loads of bins for recycling etc but I have just had to go around and collect up yet another pile of used nappies.

She leaves glasses of water all over the place. We also have young children and they are all getting really excited naturally and so it's really unsafe to be leaving glasses lying around. I think this is common sense surely?

She is also a bit sharp tongued and makes little digs at me now and then. It might be from her own frustration at the moment which I get and don't take too personally, but added to the other things, it is all getting a bit much.

Should I just suck it up as she is sad and this behaviour is because she is struggling and this is the kind of thing I need to tolerate with understanding, or is this really awful and I'm being a mug?

This sounds like a nightmare for you - if it's indicative of her normal behaviour it's not surprising that her relationship has broken down. Who would want to live like this? Her dog poo-ing on the carpet isn't funny and I don't see why your cats or children should head for nervous breakdowns due to her presence.

I think you're going to have to tell her to find alternative accommodation. She's taking advantage of your kind nature.

Coughing, please don't tell me that you are even contemplating a next time!

Dog shit on the carpet, dog pee on the curtains, dirty nappies lying round the house and a wild dog charging round your home attacking people. Ye Gods.
No excuse - it's clearly her 'standards' and she doesn't give a fig about respecting other peoples'house rules.
You are a very tolerant person - I'd have had to say something and called the stay to a halt if things didn't change straight away.

I certainly wouldn't invite her, her brats, or her dog again! If you wish to maintain a friendship I would advise meetings anywhere but your home...tell her whilst it's been interesting having her stay that you and her both need to go back to and get on with your normal lives now. If you aren't overly bothered, tell her that your sorry her relationship went shit-shaped but she's taking the piss out of you, your home and your family. Good luck, it sounds like you've had a tough time of it looking after your own family and babysitting her and hers. Oh, and if the dog terrorised my cats it would be out on its arse pronto - damn cheek. Personally I'd just tell her to fuck off, but you sound nicer than me! lol!

Do you have projects rather than friends?

This woman is not your friend.

The dog definitely needs to get gone . YANBU - she is taking advantage here if your generosity . She needs to leave soon so you can get your space back . It sounds chaotic and if you do schedule another visit she must pull her weight and leave the dog elsewhere if it's snappy - would never have a snappy dog near children.
Good Luck with it all you sound like an amazing friend to her !

Erm!!!

She'll be long gone. Dog shitting and pissing and she's laughing about it!
That will be the last straw with everything else.

Never to be invited again!!!!!

Dog goes outside as much as possible - it's not that cold right now, and what if it nips someone's face?? The minute she leaves a dirty nappy or wipes anywhere you hand her a bag and say that this is not acceptable in your home, and would she please clear it up at once and wipe the surface with an antibac spray. Do it with a smile and keep calm - well done, you are an absolute saint and very good friend!

Poor dog. It's obviously stressed as fuck about being in a new environment, which wouldn't be helped by additional children it's not used to (not that they're the problem). Seems to have no routine and doesn't get walked. All problems shoved on it by humans, but your solution is to spray it with water and so add to its stress. Is that what you do with your children when they can't cope? Why not take it for a fucking walk, get it a Kong and a place to be away from the bedlam. You must have agreed to have it at the house.

You must have agreed to have it at the house.

FFS! Read the OPs post! She didn't seem to expect the dog.

That is not normal guest behaviour, she laughed when her dog did a shit in your living room?
Sleeping til midday when she has small children?

I'd thank my lucky stars when she leaves, and never extend a hand of welcome to her again. She's absolutely taking advantage of your kindness.

This sounds sad and horrendous but ....really? Has she always been like this or is she falling apart at the moment, to the detriment of her poor children? Yes it's awful behaviour for a guest. But what's her home like, is it even worse? Could she have some MH issues? It's certainly not your problem to sort and if she's ok otherwise the she is just unbearably rude. But from the way you've described her, not caring about basic hygiene (ffs the dog, ick!) id be worried about her ability to look after the kids.

Could the dog be kept outside for some of the rest of the visit? If it isn't being walked it is sort of understandable that it is irritable and desperate for the toilet (and not 100% its fault). The nappies thing I would find unacceptable and the water glasses irritating as a potential hazard, but other than that, I have had friends stay over who were not in a fit state emotionally to cope with day-to-day life after a break up, so this isn't beyond the realms of possibility and harsh words with your friend if they are in the sort of mood to watch the world burn around their ears are not very likely to help. Can the cats be kept apart from the dog? I appreciate it is their home, but forcing them to interact with another animal they don't know may be asking for trouble. Could you take the kids out to the park and suggest she walks the dog at the same time?

Bloody hell if she left dirty nappies around my house the dogs would try and eat the contents (disgusting I but true) and my feral cat would chase the dog and all hell would break loose. Dog needs walking and is probably why it's nipping etc, nappies need disposing of properly, glasses need putting away after use and friend needs burying u see the patio!!

Under the patio! Damn thumbs

Dont put up with it OP she needs to be responsible for her dog the dirty nappies thing is just weird just walk to the bin where is she going to live? Back with her bf? Does she have a home? Id help her get settled then tell her to talk to her health visitior if she has anymore problems

Rude, horrible behavior after you had tried to be kind
But from what you've said, I'd be worried about her children and dog - she's not coping and they are at risk?

No no no! Do not tolerate this behaviour. Let this be the last time she stays over at yours. She is taking your kindness for granted

Well said!

Ok so we survived the rest of the visit by shutting the dog outside most of the time. Yes it's a shame for the dog but there is only so much retraining I can achieve in two days and to be honest I am too busy with my own responsibilities. To the poster who said their feral cat would deal with it, I wish I had one of those!!
She came to be looked after, not to entertain me, so I don't mind her falling apart, but I do mind being taken advantage of.
We had a chat and she pulled up her socks, cleaned up and was quite helpful on the last day! Clearly she wants to come back! We have agreed the next visit will be better without the dog!!
I'm relieved everything ended well. I didn't want to have to add to her woes!

Would you really have her back? Surely you can support her without having her to stay?

Why on earth would you have her back?

You didn't want to add to her woes but you were happy for her to add a load to you?

Come on OP, you know full well that you're being a total doormat. Not to mention that if any house guest came and let their dog shit on my floor and then laughed about it, they'd be out on their arse quicker than I could say "friendship over".

She sounds like a freeloading shyster, why did you put up with it? Looking after someone in a time of need is one thing, but you were massively being taken the piss out of.

I wouldn't have her back at any price. She might have "pulled her socks up" once you made her realise that you knew she was taking the piss, but the fact that she thought it was ok to take the piss in the first place would mean I wouldn't have her back. She's treating you like a doormat.

I think some people will push other people's boundaries as far as they can and see how much they can get away with. It doesn't make them awful people, just chancers.

The OP clearly wants to keep this friend, and so she did completely the right thing in talking to her to make her see that her behavior wasn't acceptable.

If her friend continues to act respectfully then it's a win win for both because they get to keep their friendship.

Well done!