Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to get really irritated by my house guest

153 replies

Coughingchildren5 · 24/04/2017 01:49

Visitor here for a long weekend for respite due to a traumatic relationship breakup.
She has two under fives who I am doing my best to help entertain and accommodate by giving up my room so they can all fit in together comfortably, stocked up on food they like, arranged activities they like etc.
My aim was to give them a nice weekend together and a bit of extra support which she doesn't get much of at home.

But she is really testing my patience!! Am i b u or do I have grounds to think twice about another visit.

Here is some of the stuff I am holding my tongue over:

She has also brought her very unruly dog who is very yappy and snappy and the children are told not to touch for safety. It chases my cats and nips and runs all over the house, on tables, sofas, beds, raiding bins... This evening it pooed on my living room carpet and on another has peed up the curtain. She doesn't take the initiative to clean up after the dog, she just sits there and laughs. I have to ask several times to make her do it. I have now armed myself with a squirty water bottle to defend myself and family members from this dog as it won't listen to anyone and has tried to nip my husband's legs! She says we provoke her dog by running or being g loud or moving large objects or other normal activities!

She leaves dirty nappies and wet wipes lying around on dinner tables and other furniture. She doesn't even have nappy bags. I have given her some and explained where the nappies need to go as we have loads of bins for recycling etc but I have just had to go around and collect up yet another pile of used nappies.

She leaves glasses of water all over the place. We also have young children and they are all getting really excited naturally and so it's really unsafe to be leaving glasses lying around. I think this is common sense surely?

She is also a bit sharp tongued and makes little digs at me now and then. It might be from her own frustration at the moment which I get and don't take too personally, but added to the other things, it is all getting a bit much.

Should I just suck it up as she is sad and this behaviour is because she is struggling and this is the kind of thing I need to tolerate with understanding, or is this really awful and I'm being a mug?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 24/04/2017 18:51

She does realise the impact. She just doesn't care. If she can behave perfectly reasonably at another person's house, look after her dog etc, then I don't see why she can't do it in yours. And as for laughing at her dog shitting on your carpet and having to be told to clean it up - she is a massive piss taker.

Don't have her back.

Ratatatouille · 25/04/2017 09:35

JeanAndTonic the reason it's unacceptable to talk about "playing the depression card" is because there is a stigma attached to mental health issues. This means it's often very difficult for people to seek help when they need it, and as you yourself have acknowledged, depression is potentially a deadly illness. People need to feel confident in accessing treatment. Using phrases like "playing the depression card" (and also dismissing what could be genuine symptoms of depression such as apathy, lack of motivation, lack of attention to personal hygiene etc as someone being a "lazy fecker") just add to the stigma that already exists. Whether or not you believe that the lady described in the OP is depressed or not, and whether she is or not, makes no difference. Using phrases like that on a public forum is potentially damaging for any number of depression sufferers who could be reading and are wary of seeking help because they are scared to be accused of simply being lazy of being told to pull their socks up and get on with it. It's just not OK to use those terms.

ChocolateSherberts2017 · 25/04/2017 10:32

Probably why her relationship has broken down. Would you want a relationship with her taking the piss like that? I know I wouldn't and I wouldn't be inviting her again. If she asks then be honest and tell her exactly why she won't be getting another invitation.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 25/04/2017 11:58

Has your house guest gone now @Coughingchildren5 ?

Craigie · 25/04/2017 17:37

Tell her to fuck off home, she is taking the absolute piss.

Sparklyglitter · 25/04/2017 17:38

You are a saint! Get through it the very best you can holding your tongue, avoid having her back and definitely never again for the dog!!! Good Luck! You all definitely deserve a treat once she's gone! Xx

strawberrisc · 25/04/2017 17:50

I can't begin to think why her relationship broke up...

NewPapaGuinea · 25/04/2017 17:50

I thought Waynetta was a fictional character. Evidently not!

fuzzywuzzy · 25/04/2017 17:57

She sounds really selfish and a piss taker. I had a 'friend' like that. She took everything for granted and expected people to run sodding after her.

I've been thro a horrendous divorce it didn't turn me into a rude careless person who went around trashing friend's houses and taking advantage of their kindness.

I wouldn't invite her to stay again.

nursy1 · 25/04/2017 17:59

Op. What happened on that last day?

rollonthesummer · 25/04/2017 17:59

-But I do think next time I will suggest the dog stays back home.

Why would there need to be a next time?!

greeneyedlulu · 25/04/2017 18:12

Your house your rules!! Don't have her back again

Casimir · 25/04/2017 18:23

Another 'traumatic relationship break up' coming - Radiohead

kazmina10 · 25/04/2017 18:29

Just lying in until midday would piss me right off. While you look after her kids and dog?Angry

cherish123 · 25/04/2017 18:31

I would not have let the dog come or confine it to one room. The nappies- disgusting. I would think twice about having her to stay. Could you just meet up with her somewhere mutually accessible, in future.

chocatoo · 25/04/2017 18:48

If you contemplate a next time (I wouldn't), don't suggest she doesn't bring the dog, TELL her NO DOG!!! I'm guessing the ordeal would be just about bearable without the dog. However, I think she is being naughty if she behaves better with other friends - that indicates a lack of respect and is not on. Clear boundaries next visit if you are kind enough to contemplate it...(you sound like a really lovely friend! - she is lucky!)

JanKind · 25/04/2017 18:49

No wonder her relationship broke up she sounds like a right slob

Winniethepee · 25/04/2017 18:51

She's taking the piss .

valeriej43 · 25/04/2017 18:52

I would tell her straight that you just cant put up with this attitude, is she relative? if so hard to be harsh, but you dont deserve this,
Suggest she finds some other living accomodation, renting etc,
How long is she with you for, imo she is being very rude and taking advantage
You will make yourself ill with the stress of it all if you dont take some action

babyinarms · 25/04/2017 18:52

Nightmare guest ! Break up or no break up she's is lazy, dirty and bad mannered ! I'd never invite her again!

fc301 · 25/04/2017 18:54

You had me at dog. YANBU.

Nerdymum83 · 25/04/2017 18:58

I'm not exactly a domestic goddess myself, but I do draw the line at animals pooping on my stuff and being agressive and leaving dirty nappies around out of bags. That's just bloody disgusting. I have 3 small children in nappies. Last christmas we spent a week with friends in Scotland and I can tell you now, I'd not dream of doing any of that to my friends. Bad break up or not, she's the unreasonable one. Even guests need to have some standards. That's not how someone should act in anothers home.

HappyFlappy · 25/04/2017 19:09

The unruly dog will also be stressed, bored and over-excited (yes - you can be bored and over-exctedat the same time) - which is why it is particularly important that she walks it frequently, establishes routine for it, and ensures that it isn't in a situation where it can nip anyone, chase cats or use the house as a toilet.

Leaving nappies about is filthy, leaving glasses about is hazardous, and lying in bed half the day is just elfin' rude!

Don't ask her back - if you feel she needs support have a coffee with her in her own home or a tea shop or something. You can't put your own family at risk (from dogs, broken glass, or baby bum germs) and have a right to have your home treated with respect.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 25/04/2017 19:12

She might be going through a hard time but no way would I put up with that, she would be told to leave. Then again there's no way on earth anyone would be bringing their dog into my house, especially one they can't be arsed to train or look after!

Lovingit81 · 25/04/2017 19:40

You need to stand up for yourself OP. There's being a friend and being a door mat.