Aibu to get really irritated by my house guest

[Coughingchildren5]

Visitor here for a long weekend for respite due to a traumatic relationship breakup.
She has two under fives who I am doing my best to help entertain and accommodate by giving up my room so they can all fit in together comfortably, stocked up on food they like, arranged activities they like etc.
My aim was to give them a nice weekend together and a bit of extra support which she doesn't get much of at home.

But she is really testing my patience!! Am i b u or do I have grounds to think twice about another visit.

Here is some of the stuff I am holding my tongue over:

She has also brought her very unruly dog who is very yappy and snappy and the children are told not to touch for safety. It chases my cats and nips and runs all over the house, on tables, sofas, beds, raiding bins... This evening it pooed on my living room carpet and on another has peed up the curtain. She doesn't take the initiative to clean up after the dog, she just sits there and laughs. I have to ask several times to make her do it. I have now armed myself with a squirty water bottle to defend myself and family members from this dog as it won't listen to anyone and has tried to nip my husband's legs! She says we provoke her dog by running or being g loud or moving large objects or other normal activities!

She leaves dirty nappies and wet wipes lying around on dinner tables and other furniture. She doesn't even have nappy bags. I have given her some and explained where the nappies need to go as we have loads of bins for recycling etc but I have just had to go around and collect up yet another pile of used nappies.

She leaves glasses of water all over the place. We also have young children and they are all getting really excited naturally and so it's really unsafe to be leaving glasses lying around. I think this is common sense surely?

She is also a bit sharp tongued and makes little digs at me now and then. It might be from her own frustration at the moment which I get and don't take too personally, but added to the other things, it is all getting a bit much.

Should I just suck it up as she is sad and this behaviour is because she is struggling and this is the kind of thing I need to tolerate with understanding, or is this really awful and I'm being a mug?

Have you been to her house, is it covered in glasses and dirty nappies dog shit if not you've been taken for a mug and if yes, then she has a case of slobitis and the only time you should spend with her is in an external space so you don't end up irritated and rightly so

You've been a mug good friend and now its time to say good bye x

Ask yourself, why she was not like at at your friend's house, and take a little bit of what she does and use it. Now. Right now.

Turn the radio on, be bright and breezy, tell her to get her shit sorted, tell her to put nappies in the bin, walk the dog before you go out for the day, take her own glasses of water back to the kitchen etc etc...

What happens with her children if she's sleeping until midday?

You sound really patient but I suggest you find your spine, go and wake her up, tell her she needs to get up and see to her children, help with a tidy up and she needs to walk the dog before you all head out for the day - now!

I was wondering what happens to the children if she sleeps to midday. I guess you look after them? Which I could understand in the circumstances after her relationship breakdown except, you have gone beyond this now and put up with too much. Take her out today and then take her home, get your life back in order in the knowledge you did your best. Let someone else help her out next time, maybe the friend who she doesn't take advantage of. Your too nice OP x

No wonder she got kicked out of her last place! Don't ever let her back in .
EVER!

The dog and the nappies are horrid.

The glasses of water are ok.

All in all, though, the combination is not good. Grin and bear it, but make a note never to invite her back?!

You shouldn't put up with this.
Get her up to walk the dog, it can't hold going to the toilet all day and needs the exercise. She has responsibilities to her DC whose needs should come first not hers and you too. She can't just do what she wants, expecting you to clean up after her, getting up so late, staying up late-(doing what?) I would ask her to leave early. Why is she going round different friends to stay anyway? I would keep DC at home where they are more settled.

It seems odd to me that she would seek refuge for not only herself but children and pets included because she's been dumped.

Fair enough call round for a coffee and have a chat, but taking them in, she'll think all her holidays have come at once. That's pretty much how she's behaving, sleeping in, letting you do everything.

What's wrong with her getting on with things for her children. She's not going to stay indefinitely I assume, so whilst it was a lovely amazing offer, I would think twice in the future.

It's a strange environment and situation for both the children and dogs. It appears almost alien to her how you behave in such a situation. To her it must be like having an all inclusive break with free dog and childcare.

You are a wonderful person for what you've done. It sounds like she's taking full advantage of your generosity.

I would say later today, we were wondering when you were thinking of going home. Try to build a new routine for the children without ex about. Hopefully there won't be tears. I know it can be hard losing someone you love, but she needs to get on with things and start afresh.

Suggest that you're more than happy to visit to make sure she's ok and to help if it's needed. I can't really see why a grown woman would need that much in the wake of a man departing. Yes it's rubbish, but life has to go on.

Do you think she might be clinically depressed? Her behaviour is not 'normal' or acceptable. I'd encourage her to go home today and see her doctor urgently.

She wasn't behaving like this at the other friends house, so I don't think this can be blamed on depression!

It sounds like she's a lazy slob who is taking advantage. Just get rid of her and don't invite her back.

No repeat invitation OP, she's taking advantage of you. You sound like a wonderful friend to have and she's stupid to behave like this.

I don't want to make a fuss about anything really

More fool you. A relationship breakup doesn't give her the right to shit all over you. This episode would kill any affection I had for her and I'd chuck her out this morning. End of friendship. Good. She ain't your friend.

Sounds like she's taking advantage of how nice you've been so far.

Write up an invoice for her. Hourly rate for all the cleaning up after her you've been doing and the babysitting, and add in the price of a new rug and curtains (or the cost of having them professionally cleaned). And compensation for the emotional distress of having her, the kids and the dog in the house.

That sounds appalling!

Could you borrow a dog crate from somewhere? Or book him into kennels for the night. Your "friend" might not be impressed with the idea (and I would make her pay for the kennels) but there is no way I would have a dog behaving like that in my house. Not only from the mess point of view but it's your cats' home, and they have a right not to be terrorised there.

And as for the nappies - I'd drop them on her lap. How bloody disgusting that she leave them lying around.

Actually, I'd kick her out today. Easier said than done, I know, and awful that she's going through a dreadful break-up, but it's no excuse to behave so disgustingly, and she's proved she can behave elsewhere so she should have the courtesy to behave well in your home.

Good luck!

People don't normally go and trash their friend's house for extended periods of time when their own life goes a bit tricky! Why not just go round for a coffee??

I'm another who went through an appalling marriage breakdown but still walked the dogs three times a day and cared for my kids! It's horrible but she needs to stop wallowing, pull herself together and take care of her responsibilities. What is it with people getting dogs and never walking them lately?

i don't want to make a fuss about anything really as she definitely has enough on her plate without feeling embarrassed or awkward.

She clearly has a hind like a rhino. She won't feel embarrassed or awkward as she would have felt those emotions already.

No excuse - don't put up with it.

Stop being a martyr and kick her out TODAY. She's a rude, disgusting user and is getting away with it because you're letting her.

It's no wonder she has relationship problems if this is her attitude and behaviour.

I've had depression several times and would never have bloody behaved like this. Why does MH always have to be trotted out as an excuse ffs.

She is a dirty, lazy cow who needs to ship out. They dog would be put in the garden. I'd not let it in the house at all. Tough if she complains, it isn't her house.

I am guilty of occasionally leaving stuff in my wake (mugs, books, phone etc) . However, not clearing up after her yappy dog, the snippy comments plus the fact that she was a far nicer house guest for your other friend makes me think she is a horrid user, relationship trauma or no.

I totally get that you don't want to confront her but def remember her time with you and use it to refuse any more entreaties to stay with you!

Being sad after a break-up does not excuse this appalling behabiiour.

Give a very stern lecture and send her packing today. Tell her that you don't want to hear from her until she has learnt to behave properly. She needs a rocket sent up her arse.

Why do people always think that really bad behaviour is caused by depression? Leaving a dirty nappy on the table? Depression my arse.

She is taking the piss. Time to go home.

Oh here we go with the depression card

What a horrible phrase. Deeply insensitive.

Actually I have a family member who is in a similar situation (recent break up, 2 small children, doesn't live near family for regular support) and she is depressed (diagnosed by GP and receiving treatment so not playing "the depression card"). Reading OP's description of her friend, there are a lot of things I recognise. Perhaps previous posters are also recognising symptoms in OP's description rather than trying to find excuses where there are none. Imperial it's rather more than just leaving a dirty nappy on a table isn't it? It's really about someone who seems to have given up entirely and doesn't care anymore. Presumably she hasn't always been like this otherwise OP wouldn't have been friends with her in the first place.

If you read some of the OP's posts, her visitors "depression" didn't manifest in this lazy, scuzzy, take the piss behaviour when staying with her other friend.