Do you cater for everyone at family events?

[OnTheUp13]

Just come home from a family get together. It was a relatives birthday if that makes any difference. We all live local to each other and see each other every other weekend either at each other's houses or we meet up and take the kids to country parks/swimming whatever.

So there's 9 adults and 5 kids. Same people as usual.

We get there today and when food is put out there's nothing I can eat. I'm a vegetarian and have been for 15ish years. I'm not an ethical veggie nor do I worry about meat being near veggie food, I eat quorn etc. When they all come to my house I cook meat etc my DH & DD arent veggie

So AIBU to expect there to be something I can eat? As whenever we go to their house there's nothing I can eat.

I wonder whether she's confused about what you do and don't eat. You say you're vegetarian, but eat lard, don't use separate utensils for vegetarian food and are happy to cook meat at home.

Do you eat gelatine and rennet? Because if you are, and don't check if something is suitable for vegetarians or not, maybe she thinks you can take it or leave it.

Having said that, it's unusual to only serve meat - most people prefer a bit of variety.

But "I don't eat meat or fish" is not confusing.

Really? I have never known any pork eating Muslims, did not think you could be Muslim and consume Pork...or do you mean some who 'claim to be Muslim'?

I have a friend who converted due to marriage. When he is away from home he eats pork products, when he is in his new 'home' country, he does not. Even if his wife is with him, he will eat pork products when out of his new home country. She will not, and we always respect that when they visit, but he travels a lot for work, and it would be very difficult for him to always be able to refuse anything which has pork in it due to his career (a lot of business lunches and dinner parties in many countries around the world) so he does not feel, seeing as he has eaten pork products since he was a child, that it makes any bearing on his new religion.

Who care's really? Do you want bacon? No. OK. There is no need question anyone any further than that, or get upset when they refuse, whether they be vegetarian, vegan, muslim, or just don't feel like eating it that morning. My friend comes and stays in my home with his wife who is Muslim. Eggs in one pan, bacon in the other. Make sure you use separate utensils. Toast in the toaster. No issue, and certainly no big deal, except for an extra pan and a spatula to wash up after breakfast.

Muslims in SE Asia do sometimes eat pork. But then Buddhists there eat meat products too.

The comment about Jains being vegetarian is wrong. If strictly Jain you're a vegan who doesn't eat any animal products or vegetables that are dug up from the ground (potatoes, carrots etc).

I can't eat any gluten, I just always make sure I bring enough to keep my hunger at bay. I wouldn't expect someone to cater specifically for me. In fact what I usually do is eat some before and have some in the car after. This of course only works for buffets, if it was a sit down meal I would remind the host before and offer to bring something. To be honest I don't entirely trust other people not to accidentally contaminate the food so prefer to bring my own.

Of course it was rude. You don't shrug if someone points out that there's nothing for a guest to eat. Not when your kitchen is, right there and at the very least you could offer a cheese/egg/veg sandwich.

I'm a vegetarian. (Or maybe not according to a PP. I don't eat potatoes cooked in lard but I do eat parmesan and have bought leather shoes. ) I don't think I've ever gone for a meal where there was nothing for me to eat. I think to provide an entirely veggie-unfriendly meal would take a special effort on their part.

The comment about Jains being vegetarian is wrong. If strictly Jain you're a vegan who doesn't eat any animal products or vegetables that are dug up from the ground (potatoes, carrots etc).

It's not wrong, they are lacto-vegetarians though some choose a vegan diet (vegans are, by definition also vegetarians btw)

"Since Jains follow the principle of non-violence – ahiṃsā – they are vegetarians. They do not eat meat or fish or anything else that has a soul or potential life. Traditionally, this includes eggs, root vegetables such as onions and potatoes, and vegetables such as aubergines. Root vegetables are thought to have souls because when a piece of onion, garlic or potato falls to the ground, a new plant can grow. Plants such as aubergine are full of seeds, which each constitute a soul.

Jains eat cheese, yoghurt and other dairy products, rice, bread, lentils and most vegetables and fruit that do not fall into the categories mentioned above. Some contemporary Jains have turned to veganism as they believe that modern farming methods involve violence towards animals."

www.jainpedia.org/resources/jainism-faqs/contentpage/4.html

My Jain DH and his family/community don't refer to themselves as vegetarian (in India it tends to mean milk but no eggs). They refer to themselves as 'Jain' or vegan. Strict Jains restrict all animal products and vegetables grown in the ground.

But that restriction (of dairy) is through choice Uppity, not because it is demanded by the religion. I was simply saying that Jains can, and do, eat dairy products - it is not a religious requirement to eat vegan food, it's a personal choice (and a very good choice too imo).

But that restriction (of dairy) is through choice, not because it is demanded by the religion.

Not eating something for religious reasons is (for an adult) a matter of choice. That's an imaginary distinction, except in a country where the "forbidden" food is hard to get.

But "I don't eat meat or fish" is not confusing.

Agreed. However, the OP describes herself as vegetarian. Maybe that's the bit that's confusing.

YANBU...I just catered family Passover (32 people) and did some cous cous and gnocchi with pesto plus salads for dniece who is veggie. Took 5 mins

I can't imagine serving a meal where someone starves, it's plain good manners!

If it's 6 people I'll make sure that everyone can eat everything, if it's vegetarian, vegan or coeliac or whatever. More than that and I'd make sure that everyone had enough to have plenty, assuming that the non-restricted will nosh down on the restricted food.

It's not hard, it's just polite.

OP, I did mean your DH could go fetch you some cheese, actually, as it was him who'd just said, 'Where's the veggie food for OP?' so I assumed (probably shouldn't!) that it was probably the home of someone on his side of the family and he would be more comfortable rifling in the fridge.

But that may well be shit advice! As pp have said, it was very rude to just shrug at you and provide nothing, and maybe next time you do need to (pointedly) take your own food. But you shouldn't really have to.

Btw, my OH does massive family bbqs and caters for everyone. Happily. Meat, veggie, vegan, adults to babies. He enjoys making his extended family happy. If he shrugged at someone I'd know there was something quite serious going on that was nothing to do with food. I would have my Miss Marple hat on.

if my OH was told there was no food for me, he'd be straight into the kitchen himself to get me some (if his family)

I can't believe you both just sat there and didn't do/say anything.

OP, I did mean your DH could go fetch you some cheese, actually, as it was him who'd just said, 'Where's the veggie food for OP?'

I think that was the DH of the hostess, not the OP's husband. Either way some fecker should have got her something to eat.

Yes I always do. My DD is vegetarian but before that I would always cater for whoever I had invited, allergies etc included.

How difficult would it have been for her to put a nice veggie burger in the oven so you could have that in the bun?

Of course they should cater but if they never do you can't actually be surprised when they don't. Bring something for yourself or you will be hungry, you already know that.

Oh blimey, I'm having flashbacks to Easter...

One gluten-free vegetarian
Four meat eaters, but one won't eat lamb
The one that won't eat lamb also won't eat cheesecake.
The others requested cheesecake.
It was like one of those complicated quiz things, where I practically had to do a diagram...

Ah, the easter food Venn diagram... we did one of those. We had green salad, tomato pesto salad, cous cous, onion & mushroom fried in spice on aubergine and courgette slices, with a walnut and soya 'cheese' crumble on the side. Did most of it the day before.

Plus all the usual chicken, veggie pizzas, breads, etc.