Gatecrashing social event

[MuffinMaiden]

I'm not crazy am I? I arrived at a social event, where I was looking forward to seeing my friends, and having my DS play with my friend's DD, and am informed by BIL that Nana is on the way to look after my DS. Without asking me or DP. When as far as I'm aware she has no intention on joining in the event.

I came home because my laid back afternoon with friends was no longer that.

I'm not U to think that if you want to see your DGS, you ask, not just gatecrash a fun afternoon!

OP can't you organise an event and not tell her? I think this seemed like a family thing to her and her son knew she was going.

Do you live along way from her, it doesn't sound like she sees you very often, understable if you live a distance away but less so if she is local. As an example I have GC who live ten minutes walk away and I see them a few times a week, they will come round for tea or decide they don't want to go shopping with mum and get dropped off. I have other GC who live 200 miles away and I probably only see them every six weeks or so. I don't expect the ones 200 miles away to drop in several times a week but I would feel a bit excluded if I didn't see the ones round the corner for several weeks. Can you see the difference? Does she live alone? That can make a difference as well, I still have my husband but I know widows who don't have much company and really look forward to seeing children/grandchildren.

Sorry I think people mis understood my other post, I'm completely with the op, I meant if it was reversed I'd imagine MIL getting loads of 'no you can't just turn up' or 'for goodness sake leave her alone' and rightly so imo, I'm surprised more people aren't in OP side

And she wasn't invited by her son, the OP said BIL totally understood why she was annoyed which suggests he mentioned it in front of her and she invited herself to me

I'm organising a picnic soon, so hopefully she doesn't find out about that and show up. There's no way that D&D with friends seems like a family event to me...

She lives locally, but on the other side of town and none of us drive. She hasn't seen us for almost two weeks because we went away for Easter, and she has also been away. But I also don't think I could handle seeing her several times a week, I didn't see my grandparents that frequently!

She doesn't live alone, she lives with 17 year old BIL, and very frequently has an assortment of house guests. She is frequently busy with work and also often goes away for long stretches of time to visit family or live on protest camps, and I have been round to visit before to find she had gone away for a week without letting us know, so I don't go without invite.

My DS is 1, for those who have asked, friend's child is nearly 1.

The D&D groups I know wouldn't want around either 2 one year olds or any people who'd only come for a chat! The dungeon is so important that serious concentration is expected. What's your orientation, OP? I think your MIL must be chaotic good like me!!

My MIL is definitely chaotic good. I'm neutral good. We were going to start off pretty casual with having two babies in the group and BIL never DMing before. We're not a super serious group, everyone knew there'd be babies to work around

Honestly if I was one of your friends at the D&D event I'd be annoyed by someone's mother showing up and changing the dynamic and atmosphere. This is nothing against MIL's but can't people understand that it's okay to have social events and not invite certain people along because the event is just not the particular social context in which you wish to see them? Some people may be perfectly happy and relaxed to have their MILs join in any social activity with any group of people however I suspect the majority of people are like myself and would feel less comfortable and unable to properly relax depending on the social circumstances. I don't even want my own parents joining me on a night out with friends ffs!

My MIL, lovely though she is, is VERY different to me. She's very conservative, religious, holds views that I strongly disagree with (she's anti-gay rights, pro-guns, voted for Trump etc...). I will never have her join me and my liberal, atheist wine loving friends for a night out and that's absolutely for the best!

YANBU OP, though I'd have probably phoned her and told her not to come rather than ruin my own evening. I can't imagine trying to play something like D&D with my DM/DMiL in the room anyway, cringe!