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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gatecrashing social event

107 replies

MuffinMaiden · 23/04/2017 18:26

I'm not crazy am I? I arrived at a social event, where I was looking forward to seeing my friends, and having my DS play with my friend's DD, and am informed by BIL that Nana is on the way to look after my DS. Without asking me or DP. When as far as I'm aware she has no intention on joining in the event.

I came home because my laid back afternoon with friends was no longer that.

I'm not U to think that if you want to see your DGS, you ask, not just gatecrash a fun afternoon!

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 23/04/2017 20:34

I get what you mean op. . I too would have given up and gone home.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 23/04/2017 20:35

I suspect there is a big back story here. On the face of the OP YABU. But if I'm right and there's more to it, then perhaps not.

Original poster
MuffinMaiden · 23/04/2017 20:36

I'm glad some people think I wasn't BU, so I don't feel completely like a cow. Yeah I probably should have let it go, and I probably would still have had fun, I just felt it was so presumptuous to not just ask. I hate imposed help. I left because I didn't want to get upset with her, and I know it was childish, but I just couldn't stay and pretend it didn't bother me.

OP posts:
Siwdmae · 23/04/2017 20:37

Yanbu. I would bollock the arse off BIL for being 'helpful'. The one social event you get to go to without your mil and boom, she's there! I'd be cross too.

MadMags · 23/04/2017 20:38

Is your dp upset that you acted like that with his family?

Original poster
MuffinMaiden · 23/04/2017 20:44

DavidPuddy I immediately sent a message to my friend (who hadn't yet arrived) to arrange soft play for later in the week and to let her know I was leaving, as I'd discussed with her and DP the night before about how excited I was to have a MIL free day out!

Not annoyed at BIL, he's 17 and did warn me. I left before she arrived so I wouldn't have to face her. Her sons both entirely understood why I was leaving.

I honestly wish she'd just asked, I'd have said, "no thanks, chilled mates night, but love to see you in the week"

OP posts:
GotToGetMyFingerOut · 23/04/2017 20:49

What age are you op you seem really young.

Original poster
MuffinMaiden · 23/04/2017 20:51

I'm almost 30. I am pretty petulant though.

OP posts:
MadMags · 23/04/2017 20:52

Maybe don't organise your social life with teenagers?

Grilledaubergines · 23/04/2017 20:52

Yanbu. It's up to you to decide your child's social life. If the plan was for your son to play with his friend, it wasn't really in for her or anyone else to decide otherwise.

MrsMcMoo · 23/04/2017 20:53

Yanbu.

Original poster
MuffinMaiden · 23/04/2017 20:55

My BIL is the youngest out of us, the oldest there is almost 40. We're a mixed bunch.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 23/04/2017 20:57

Sounds oppressive and annoying.

Sounds like she imposes herself rather a lot. I don't blame you for leaving. It wasn't going to be the nice chilled evening with friends that you'd planned.

It'd be like me turning up at the pub when my dd has arranged to meet her friends.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/04/2017 21:05

what's D&D?

Gatecrashing social event
WorraLiberty · 23/04/2017 21:11

What does your Hubby friend have to say about it all?

Was he even there?

FoundNeverland · 23/04/2017 21:15

When was the last time your MIL and seen your DS?

Original poster
MuffinMaiden · 23/04/2017 21:20

My DP understood, as I'd discussed the night before how much I was looking forward to a chilled out evening sans MIL. He stayed, because I wouldn't ask him to spoil his night because I felt like leaving.

OP posts:
Original poster
MuffinMaiden · 23/04/2017 21:25

MIL saw my DS just before Easter, they spent the day playing together in the garden at her house.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 23/04/2017 21:26

I do t understand why you do not socialise without your mother in law? You said to uour husband in advance you were glad she wasn't coming, but you say you only see her every few weeks. Do you not socialise at all other than those visits to her every few weeks?

Original poster
MuffinMaiden · 23/04/2017 21:50

Nope. Last time I saw all my friends was a party at the beginning of March! And she was there then! I'm quite introverted and my friends are quite busy people. This was our attempt to get some regular socialising on the go!

OP posts:
dinosaursandtea · 23/04/2017 21:55

Regardless of her being your MIL, there's nothing worse than someone gatecrashing a D&D session when they're not interested in playing! The little ones are acceptable, but only because it will probably sink in and they'll grow up to play themselves ;)

cuckooplusone · 23/04/2017 22:13

Hi OP

I think yanbu, sounds like you need a break from MIL. Like you, I haven't been out much lately, only once for a few drinks since Christmas and the odd coffee with friends in the day. It's not really a favour when you don't have a choice, more a chore (as you are required to be thankful too, even if they are lovely). Maybe arrange something at your place next time and it will be harder for her to tag along?

But I also wanted to tell you that I think "mummy" friend is a perfectly normal way to describe your friend who is a mum with kids the same age, in the same way that I have "work" friends and "swimming" friends and "running" friends.

BackforGood · 23/04/2017 22:54

YABVU.

Willow2017 · 23/04/2017 23:22

Not unreasonable at all.

I dont see why people are not actually reading the thread as to what actually happened.

OP had a day out with friends planned, her son was going to be playing with her friends child.
Op was looking forward to a chill out with friends with common interest.
MIL invited herself on the pretext of looking after the child which wasnt necessary.

MIL sees child regularly anyway.
OP wanted a day out without MIL being there. Not much to ask for, she hasnt had a social event without mil being there for months. MIL doesnt get to follow her around everywhere just because she has her grandson with her.

MIL obviously had no interest in D&D, nor OPs friends so had no business being there.

Dh has to have a serious word with his mother I think.

5OBalesofHay · 23/04/2017 23:28

Shame you accepted her hospitality in the first six months. It's probably blurred boundaries.

I'd suggest an honest conversation

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