To think this is fine

[Adirtyshame2]

Dh said to me today that i do to much housework and that i might need help.
This is my chore list
daily
Hoover twice
tidy up as we gi along
Wipe bathroom and floor
Wipe kitchen and floor
Go on my hands and knees at night to wipe up any marks of the carpetx3
clean door handles at night
every week
deep clean bathroom and kitchen
Dust everywhere
clean windows
wash sofa covers and custions ( bed sofa and chairs)
Also i do two laundry per day
my house is hardly spotless my ok enough
Aibu to think its ok?

"Dh wants me to chill out a bit as last night i was cleaning til midnight which is normal for me"

That is really not normal. I am with your husband on this. You sound like you have OCD about cleanliness and need some help. I get that small children create mess, but when they are older their memories will be marred by the fact that you spent more time cleaning the house than doing stuff with them.

No-one on their death bed says they wished they had spent more time cleaning, but they might regret not spending time with their children and husband.

Just to get some context I am naturally clean and tidy. I tidy up as I go along. I hoover and dust once a week. Bathrooms get properly cleaned once a week, toilets every day. Our dining room and kitchen have hard floors so any mess is easily wiped up. I have a "messy mat" for messy stuff in the living room such as painting, collages etc so the carpet rarely needs wiping clean. I have a throw on the settee so that I can wash it in the washing machine as and when necessary. It has never occurred to me to wipe door handles.

Me, too, Ari! I have never cleaned the outside of the windows. I suppose I may have to get someone to do it at some point.

I do hoover the lounge daily, because I have a weaning baby, and many loads of washing daily due to 3 DC one of which is still in cloth nappies.

Yes dh helps but i do more

No-one on their death bed says they wished they had spent more time cleaning, but they might regret not spending time with their children and husband.

This. I do bathrooms once a month unless someone is coming to stay (inc toilets - nobody has hands or face down them, they don't need doing more regularly). Bedding every 3 weeks or so. Hoovering once or twice a month. Ironing weekly. Washing machine goes on 4-5 times per week (2 adults, 1 child).

I find your list completely stifling and OTT, OP.

I think if you are under the impression that other people's houses are cleaner than yours when you do that much cleaning then you do have a problem, yes.

Never mind be anything else, people using toilet cleaner daily are killing the planet.

Wow. Just wow.

I still don't understand why you are doing it at midnight?!

I have a cleaner who comes once every 2 weeks. Other than that I wipe the high chair do the dishwasher and do some washing that's it. How long are you cleaning for each day op?

Dust If You Must

Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go (and go you must)
You, yourself, will make more dust.

by Rose Milligan

Yes you are imo cleaninv to much hoovering twice a day and spot cleaning carpets is to much why is the carpets getti g dirty they need spot cleaning

OP I suspect other people's houses look cleaner so you are panicking about yours and cleaning a lot rather than efficiently. Your carpet, for example, probably doesn't look nice due to the constant wet and dry patches from 3x daily spot cleaning, not from dirt itself. With all this cleaning how much time are you spending with your DC? A warm and lovely home is one where people spend time together and have fun, not one that is coated in bleach.

Does it make you overtired and unable to deal with other duties (such as being there for dc to talk to etc)? Does it make it difficult for other family members to relax because you are constantly bustling around like a bumblebee around them? Does it make it difficult for other family members to relax because you make them feel uncomfortable about sitting down and ... errr relaxing?

Is it lovely and homely for your dh and children if they never see you relax? Some of my happiest childhood memories are seeing my mum sit down with an embroidery or some music and knowing that I could come and curl up next to her and just be with her and that enjoying each other's company was enough for both of us.

I think that's a lot. Mine would be more like:

Daily
Dishwasher, wipe kitchen surfaces
Generally do a load of laundry
De-poop the garden
General tidy, make beds etc

Every other day or so
Hoover downstairs and steam mop kitchen floor
Bleach loo

Every week
Clean bathroom
Proper mop of kitchen floor
Hoover upstairs
Dust around

Windows.... um, I'm sure I have cleaned them...?
Washing of sofa throws - when I remember!
Changing of beds - same....
Cleaning and polishing the fireplace - when I can get to it without a toddler assisting

Ironing - never. I Don't Do ironing.

So, yes.... not exactly house beautiful here. But the house is tidy and comfortable and a happy place to be. And my mother tells me it doesn't smell of dog, and she would tell me because we are sworn to honesty about such things.

Comparison is the thief of joy op. Stop looking at other homes and look at your own instead.

How many dcs do you have, do you work outside the home?.... that seems excessive to me but I work outside home 30hrs/week and have 3 dcs ( only 1 at home now though) so I'm not in the house between 8.30-6
I tend to have mad blitz on Fridays and Hoover/clean bathroom /kitchen but do at least one washing every day and wipe down kitchen surfaces morning/evening....I wouldn't have time to do anything else with my family!

I kinda think each to their own. However if this is taking over your life, impacting on relationship/ family time or you have a meltdown if it's not done you may have a few issues. I don't do anything like that but due to kids, animals, work etc something had to give and that was housework. I do what I can when I can.

Amazing poem! Super clean houses make me feel so uncomfortable like you can't relax when you visit incase you accidentally put a smudge on a pristine surface. Your house sounds more than clean enough op. Have a bit of fun with your dh. Cleaning can wait.

That's bloody brilliant Confusedposter I'm going to frame that and put it on my wall as a good excuse for my lack of housework

I think it depends how many kids you have in regards to how much cleaning you do, My house has to be cleaned quite alot as we have 4 kids and they make alot of mess.

You don't need to be cleaning till midnight your house is not dirty

last night i was cleaning til midnight which is normal for me

it might be normal for you, but cleaning at midnight on a Saturday night is not normal for 99.99% of the population. Yes I think you do too much.

Crossed posts I would say yes you are doing too much cleaning, Cleaning until midnight? No way.

My mum is a compulsive cleaner she used to follow people about with a cloth to clean door handles not even exaggerating every time you went out or in a door she would clean the bloody handles she cleaned before work after work till bedtime

"Bedding every 3 weeks or so"

Eww, I think that is skanky. We change bedding once a week, and it definitely needs it.

Isn't it all about balance? If you are constantly at it and not finished til midnight, then you need to chill a bit, with your kids, husband/self. Read th dust poem life is too short, kids will be grown up before you know it. Being a sahm also means time for the family doesn't it