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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OMG I'm pregnant! But AIBU to be terrified after previous miscarriage?

38 replies

PollyCazaletWannabe · 22/04/2017 23:54

DH and I were amazed and delighted to find out yesterday that I'm pregnant (v early, I tested the day after my missed period but have done two clearblue tests!) I'm 4 weeks 5 days today. However, I am pretty scared because I got pregnant in November, spent the whole of December thinking I was still pregnant but found out in jan I had had a MMC at 6 weeks and had to have an ERPC. If anyone has any positive stories or words of comfort I would really appreciate it

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Scarlettwaffle · 22/04/2017 23:59

It is perfectly normal to be anxious. I had a MMC, I am now watching my beautiful 10 month old sleep. I fid not enjoy pregnancy & couldn't relax for a long time - just take each day at a time x

Kreeshsheesh · 23/04/2017 00:00

Congratulations! I went on to have a successful pregnancy the second time around having also suffered a MMC the first time. There is no reason to believe that this time things won't go swimmingly, but you're bound to feel more anxious. Try to distract yourself and talk to your mw if you worry. Hopefully you will be reassured. All the best for a happy and healthy pregnancy.

Original poster

PollyCazaletWannabe · 23/04/2017 00:00

Thank you Scarlett, that's lovely and congrats on your beautiful baby DH keeps saying that getting anxious isn't good for the baby but I can't help it!

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ByGrabtharsHammer · 23/04/2017 00:00

YANBU at all. I know how that feels and it's so hard to relax and enjoy the pregnancy. Like you, I knew at just over 4 weeks that I was pregnant, and spent the next 37.5 weeks worrying. Everything turned out fine, which amazed my husband and me because we'd been so pessimistic after previous losses. Good luck, be good to yourself, and tentative congratulations.

Original poster

PollyCazaletWannabe · 23/04/2017 00:02

Thank you Kreesh. I'm so pleased it worked out for you :) the other issue is that I live in China, and although health-care here is very good (I am lucky enough to get private health care with my job) it is a bit clinical and I don't feel very supported or reassured.

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Original poster

PollyCazaletWannabe · 23/04/2017 00:03

Thank you ByGrab and I'm delighted it worked out for you too :)

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DancingLedge · 23/04/2017 00:07

Try not to worry about worrying.
After horrendous time of lost babies, I was the most anxious, panic stricken pregnant lady you can imagine. Several times announced to Dr, midwives and hospital that this one was gone too. Admitted with significant problems twice.
That DS is the most sunny, laid back of them all.

Each baby is who they are. We're deluding ourselves to think that calmness or worry makes them different.

Best wishes

ErrolTheDragon · 23/04/2017 00:08

DH keeps saying that getting anxious isn't good for the baby but I can't help it!

I don't think there is any evidence for that, but him keeping on saying that probably isn't good for you.
Of course it's understandable you're worried - but successful pregnancies after miscarriage are very common (I'm the result of one myself, come to think).

I'm sorry you're not in the most supportive healthcare environment, I'm sure you will find lots of help - both advice and 'handholding' on MN. Best wishes, and congratulations

ExplodedCloud · 23/04/2017 00:13

Most mothers I know had a miscarriage followed by a baby or a baby followed by a miscarriage. The statistics are clear that one miscarriage is utterly unimportant in terms of the likelihood of having a child.
So good luck, the statistics are good :)

Original poster

PollyCazaletWannabe · 23/04/2017 00:17

Thank you everyone :) these posts are very comforting! Please keep them coming

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MadeForThis · 23/04/2017 00:21

I had a mmc at 11 weeks. Baby stopped growing at 7 weeks. Now have DD who is 18 months and just found out that we have no 2 on the way. 5w +1. Very early days.

Feel exactly the same as you. With DD we paid for a private scan at around 10 weeks. Felt that if it was going to be another mmc I wanted to know as soon as possible. Will do the same this time.

Congratulations x

Caterina99 · 23/04/2017 00:52

I was a nervous wreck back in feb when I found out I was pregnant after an ectopic in October. Was assured by doctors etc that the odds of all being normal are much higher than not, but I do know how you feel. Worrying is pointless but you just can't help it. All is well so far and currently 15 weeks with dc2. Can you get an early scan with it being a private insurance environment?

Original poster

PollyCazaletWannabe · 23/04/2017 01:40

Thank you both and good luck with your pregnancies I have an appointment with the doctor on Thursday so will ask about early scans. Last time when I had my MMC she said to book in as soon as I had a positive test, so hopefully she will suggest some measures to keep tracking the baby's progress.

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Original poster

PollyCazaletWannabe · 23/04/2017 01:41

I don't suppose anyone can suggest anything I can do to reduce the risk of miscarriage?

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KoolKoala07 · 23/04/2017 01:45

Hope you don't mind, but I'm placemarking. I've just discovered I've had a mmc (hosp Monday). Sooo anxious for trying again and some reassuring stories here

Original poster

PollyCazaletWannabe · 23/04/2017 01:49

Oh KoolKoala I'm so sorry The MMC is so cruel isn't it, because you have been thinking everything is ok and suddenly it's not. If it helps at all, I had my ERPC on Jan 23rd and had my first period exactly 4 weeks later so I have conceived again in the second cycle since my ERPC. Try to relax - I hope the same thing happens to you

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elizzza · 23/04/2017 02:04

I'm sure you know this, but just because you can never hear it enough - the miscarriage was not your fault and doesn't make it any more likely you'll miscarry again. The NHS guidelines on "avoiding" miscarriage are not to smoke or drink and to eat healthily, all of which can't hurt.

I had a MMC in Feb 2016 and I'm currently up feeding my perfect little five week old son. I was a total mess for most of the pregnancy because I was so anxious about the prospect of losing him. That anxiety made my life pretty hard but so far he is the most chilled out baby I've ever met, so it doesn't seem to have done him any harm.

I paid for a couple of early private scans which helped me a lot, if you're in a position to that I would recommend it. I found pregnancy yoga very helpful for staying calm and helping to feel connected to the baby - if there's no classes near you there are lots of YouTube videos.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Za1ny · 23/04/2017 02:17

My first ever pregnancy was a MMC. I actually found out when I went for the 12 week scan, it was meant to be a happy moment but I left totally devastated. After that I've dreaded all scans and always think the worst, but I now have two beautiful girls :) one who was born a year after the bad news we received at the scan!

Topseyt · 23/04/2017 02:18

My first pregnancy was a miscarriage at 8 weeks.

That was 22 years ago and I could easily have written your post then. I then couldn't relax at all into my next pregnancy. I just wouldn't let myself believe at all that there could possibly be a baby at the end of it, even once I could feel DD1 moving. I thought that if I distanced myself mentally then I would save myself the pain if it didn't work out, but if I dared to believe then I was sure to lose her. A crazy type of logic, but I think it is a normal way to feel, as a miscarriage casts a long shadow.

Do try to relax a bit, but also know that you are normal if you can't.

My DD1 is almost 22 now and about to graduate from uni. DD2 is 18 and DD3 is 14.

Try to take heart. Statistics are still on your side. You will worry, it is natural. One day at a time.

Hope it goes better for you this time. Everything crossed.

SumAndSubstance · 23/04/2017 03:26

Firstly, congratulations OP!
A good friend of mine had an MMC, found out at her 12 week scan. I still remember how devastated she was so clearly. She now has 3 lovely DC and had no more miscarriages. I second that your miscarriage was in no way your fault.

Original poster

PollyCazaletWannabe · 23/04/2017 04:13

Thank you for all your kind words :) these messages are really helping

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ferriswheel · 23/04/2017 10:03

Congratulations!!! I was devastated by a mmc and 36 months later had three perfect baby boys.

WatchHowISoar · 23/04/2017 15:23

I had a mmc before my little one. It nearly broke me when I was shown the wrongness on that scan. It haunted me for a long time and hurts a bit now.

My little one was my next pregnancy and all I can advice is if you want to bond then bond. I was advised not to bond just in case and wish I'd just gone with my instincts as I struggled to bond once past 12 weeks.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Try to do some 'you things' and have some you and dh time.

FloatyCat · 23/04/2017 15:42

My first pregnancy was a mc, started bleeding at 6 weeks, had a scan and there was nothing amiss on scan, bled all way up to 10 weeks and discovered baby stopped growing shortly after 6 weeks. I was heartbroken.
Bled all way up 16 wks with DS, with pains including an emergency admission on Xmas eve. He was born perfectly healthy (and large) at 39 wks. The fear was there all the way thorough this pregnancy.
No issues at all with dd, no bleeding again perfectly healthy and born at 39 wks.
Congratulations Op, hope everything goes well for you

RainbowChasing · 23/04/2017 15:44

Congratulations!!!! How exciting for you both.

It's completely normal to worry after a pregnancy loss and you may never really relax into your pregnancy but try to shake off the feelings that you've suffered one loss so it will happen again.

My first pregnancy was a chemical pregnancy and I was terrified during my second pregnancy. I honestly believed I would lose the baby throughout my entire pregnancy. But my dd was born absolutely fine.

We then tried for a second baby and after 2.5 years of trying we managed to conceive again but when I went for my scan I was told that I'd suffered a mmc which was obviously devastating. We had a round of IVF in January this year and I was convinced that due to my age and circumstances that I would miscarry or that I'd have another mmc. I am now 14 weeks and everything seems fine (fingers crossed) and even though I won't ever really feel relaxed being pregnant I am starting to feel less anxious about it. I know many women who have had one miscarriage and gone on to have children without any further problems. Good luck x

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