Babysitter requesting beers?

[N0tNowBernard]

Sorry if this is a well trodden path but I'm fairly new to MN. I've arranged a babysitter (family member) for our 2 year old DS tomorrow night. I've just text to see if they want any snacks getting in and they've asked for beers. As they're babysitting I wouldn't have expected them to be drinking. I am pretty uptight about things so don't want to kick up a fuss over nothing but I don't really like the idea of this. AIBU?

purple do you really know of people are sober enough to drive?

WhisperingLoudly what's the difference between a friend or relative doing a favour and a professional doing a job? Surely it is payment. I can see if a friend offered to paint your living room you may not expect a bang up professional job. So I can see a difference.

But when it comes to looking after kids, I think you would actually still expect a similar level of attentiveness.

Of course someone could have a few beers and be fine. But I think most people can sit in for an evening without a few beers too.

Anyway, it's what the OP thinks that matters as the t are her kids.

Clearly the thread keeps going because people disagree Paul.

I enjoy a drink (more than most on MN going from that thread the other day). However if I am babysitting somebody else's children, I would be perfectly happy not to have any wine or beer. It's one bloody night!
As they have requested it though and are doing you a favour, I would do what somebody else suggested and buy 4 low alcohol beers. No one is going to be wasted and incapable from that.

Yabu. As others have said - you either trust the person or you dont. Presumably you are not asking a stranger to babysit. Ergo - if said 50 year old was prone to getting pissed up, you wouldn't have asked them. Probably safer than a 16 year old who won't ask you to "get a few beers in" but may invite friends round who will drink more than a few beers and won't be able to handle it (as happened yo my NDN). Those of you who don't really drink -obviously it would not occur to you to drink/ ask for beer- same as I would ever occur to me to ask if its okay if I smoke because I don't smoke.

purple do you really know of people are sober enough to drive?

If they've only drunk a single glass of wine or beer I'd assume they were, but to repeat myself again if I trusted the person to babysit I'd trust them not to get pissed.

A couple of beers, fine. A six pack, no.

And as for the nonsense about being sober enough to drive, what are non car owners meant to do in an emergency, or non drivers?

I think if you trust them to look after your kids, you should be able to trust them not to get plastered. My OH (also 50) would have a couple of beers if I wasn't home no question and would be perfectly capable of dealing with emergencies. He can't drive anyway, so would have to sort out an uber or whatever if it was that kind of emergency. I don't like pissed people being around children particularly, but I would imagine that a 50 year old man knows the difference between having a bottle or two of beer while he watches match of the day and being down the pub with his mates.

I think you're on dodgy ground OP. They are doing you a favour and refusing them their request of beer it is basically saying you don't trust them to drink responsibly and behave in a way that safeguards your child. I cannot imagine anything bad will happen if your trusted babysitter has a couple of beers during the evening.

On the other hand clearly it will worry you. Are you close to this relative? Could you just hold your hands up and say you are always nervous to leave your child and while you recognise you're "uptight" (to use your word) would they mind not having the beer to set your mind at ease?

I am child free and often babysit for my friends and family. I actually don't drink when I do so, but if I wanted to I wouldn't expect someone to tell me I couldn't. I would interpret that as a lack of trust. However if someone put it the way I suggest of acknowledging they were being a bit precious but they would appreciate me staying tee total I'd not mind at all. If they just banned me from having alcohol in the house I'd tell them to go find another babysitter if they don't think I can be trusted.

I sometimes babysit for clients (work mostly as a tutor). I personally wouldn't drink as I am a bit of a lightweight and also I'm at work.
If I'm doing someone a favour I still wouldn't request alcohol (due to going from sober to pissed in the spaces of two glasses of wine) and turn it down when offered but as long as the sitter could still handle an emergency - I wouldn't see anything wrong with it.

Get them Becks Blue. But def no alcoholic beers.

Xi Ci this is mn. The land where people sniff a baileys once a decade and still thibk they drink a bit too much.
That said I'd be more than tipsy n four beers. But not falling down drunk.

supermoon100 "And as for the nonsense about being sober enough to drive, what are non car owners meant to do in an emergency, or non drivers?" I would never argue that a babysiter should be able to drive anywhere. If there was a genuine emergency all they should do is call an ambulance.

I think whether someone would be safe to drive is a way of gauging if they are 'sober' enough, that is all.

I agree with sonyaya about the approach, you could explain you are a bit nervous etc. Although I say even when someone is doing you a favour you still have the option of not accepting the favour if you are not happy with how they plan to do it.

Frazzled2207 "Becks Blue" Great idea. It actually tastes quite nice too!

Italiangrey you say children deserve a sober babysitter. I am saying having one or two drinks doesnt make you a drunk babysitter. Makes you still a perfectly capable babysitter.

Big Fat Fuss about nothing. He's 50 not 15. A few beers, not a barrel.

And as for the nonsense about being sober enough to drive, what are non car owners meant to do in an emergency, or non drivers?

It isn't anything to do with actually needing to drive a car. In my view, if somebody is sober enough to drive a car they're going to be sober enough to manage an emergency to pretty much the same degree as if they hadn't had anything to drink.

If it's a family member over the age of 18 I don't really see asking for a couple of beers an issue! If they'd said get a bottle of vodka then that's completely different!

Jeez, four cans of beer wouldn't touch the sides of most of the 50 year old men I know.

I think posters coming on to say they'd be legless after 1 beer aren't helping the OP make a rational decision.
Seriously, unless there's a terrible back story 4 cans of fosters won't make a grown man incapable.

If for whatever reason you're just not cool with it though, don't lie, or present them as a thank you. That's not acceptable really.

I wish I lived in mumsnet world - its a cheap night out as apparently 2 beers and you are completely off your face. Meanwhile back in the real world - I would have more faith in those grown ups who can have a few beers and still function than those who think after one small glass of wine they couldn't cope on an emergency.

I'd find new babysitters.
Any babysitter which has the audacity to ask for beers would not be suitable to look after my kids.

OP assume you are not drinking when you go out? Or is it your partner who isn't?

I'd get a couple of bottles of nice beer - Peroni say - and trust that someone who routinely drinks beer won't be affected by so little over the course of an evening.

MN is on a parallel universe to where I am sometimes . Am I the only person with dc who has a few glasses of wine at the weekend ??

Just pick up 4 beers they can't do any damage with that really can they. I think it's abit too uptight unless they have asked for a whole crate of beer or a bottle of spirits I don't personally see the problem as it's a family member. If I hired a babysitter (which I probably wouldn't as it's just not for me) I wouldn't expect them to be drinking I do agree if someone is getting paid they shouldn't be drinking. I've babysat my nieces and had a couple glasses of wine once I once babysat over night and had nearly a whole bottle of wine mind you I know my limits and i can drink a bottle of wine and not be drunk or even tipsy this was over the corse of the whole night as in I opened the bottle at around 7 had the last glass of wine around quarter to 1 when I checked on the kids one last time and went up to bed myself. I don't see the harm.

I had an excellent babysitting gig when I was doing my A levels, for a friend of the family who had split up from her husband and worked night-shifts as an A&E consultant.

Three children aged 3-6, 7pm-7am, £20, bottle of wine, and I could smoke in the house whilst guzzling said wine and writing essays, kipped in the youngest's bottom bunk.

Mind you, this was 25 years ago. The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there. Shame.