Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this toddler needed a severe telling off?

143 replies

newmumwithquestions · 21/04/2017 15:41

At a busy play centre:
There's a toddler - I'd guess around 2. He's being pretty lairy, this is what we observed:
He tries to drag another toddler out of a ride on car.
He pushes over a younger toddler.
He hits an older toddler in the face - amazingly they don't retaliate.
He takes a wooden stick and uses it to hit another slightly younger toddler on the head.
I have one of mine on my knee, my family member is child free and goes over 3 times and tells him to stop, removes the stick etc. She doesn't shout.

We ask a couple of other mums but can't work out who his parent is. Then he goes over to one of mine, younger than him, hits her in the face. She falls over, falls backwards and hits her head. Lots of screaming. My family member picks her up and shouts at toddler ('don't you hit her again'). Toddler starts crying.

Parent is still unaware. I ask again who the parent of small toddler is and eventually find parent. I tell parent what has happened. Parent apologises for him hitting her but does not make him say sorry, does not tell him off, does not ask if my DD is OK, does not ask what other children have been hit.

Parent is angry their child has been shouted at.

I think they should have been watching their toddler who frankly deserved a lot more than a few shouted words?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Hitmewithit · 21/04/2017 22:34

You're all soft as shit. The boy needed a good telling off, off course if left to his own devices he will run wild, especially if he gets away with that behaviour often. But the kid absolutely needed a telling off, along with being made to apologise to the other child. Why wouldn't you?!?HmmConfused

limitedperiodonly · 21/04/2017 22:38

I think this

Ethylred · 21/04/2017 22:40

A 2-year-old hitting my child would have got a loud "How dare you do that, you little horror, never do it again."

Otherwise I would have been neglecting my obligation as a parent, to an outrageous extent.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/04/2017 22:44

It never ever used to bother me that my did getting hit by other children.
Am I a weirdo or just too laid back.

As for calling a 2 year old baby a horror FFS. Get a grip

MiltopMighty · 21/04/2017 22:46

Christ, some of you fail to recognise that even at 2 years old, you don't choose the thug life, the thug life chooses you.

some of you act like this is South Los Angeles and he's a gangster needing to be scared straight.

It's a baby in a play centre. Get some perspective.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/04/2017 22:47

I'm not soft. Hitme. I just do not see the point of making a show and getting all excited over children being children.

Original poster
newmumwithquestions · 22/04/2017 06:53

Will try to answer any questions:
did she shout OP or was it more she raised her voice to be louder and firmer?
Her voice was quieter than my daughters crying, but raised enough to make him stop what he was doing which was her intention. But it was also loud enough to make him cry, so for this reason I'd say yes it was a shout. She didn't shout in his face, or swear at him, etc. She shouted as she went over and scooped my DD up. She said she was worried that he was going to hit her again, we'll never know if he would have. Neither the shout nor any of the toddlers crying was loud enough to get his mum over.

OP posts:
MarcelineQueen · 22/04/2017 07:01

I've done the same in exactly the same circumstances.

Soft play can be a nightmare when there is 1 kid repeatedly hurting the others, and their parent is no where in sight.

I fail to see how a slightly raised voice and a harsher than normal tone will do harm. I would be neglecting my duties as a parent if I didn't stand up for my child.

Original poster
newmumwithquestions · 22/04/2017 07:03

you have no idea how old the child actually was. You are guessing 2 but he could have been much younger but just a big child

You're right, I'm guessing. Mine are a bit under 1.5 and a bit over 2.5 and taller than average (75th and 95th %). His height but also his coordination and general physical development were inbetween my two, so I've estimated inbetween their ages so around his 2nd birthday. I could be out a few months.

OP posts:
Spikeyball · 22/04/2017 07:07

Ethylred that really isn't a good way to talk to very young children. Your obligation as a parent is to keep your child safe, not to name call children that are barely more than babies.

MarcelineQueen · 22/04/2017 07:08

The age of the child doesn't actually matter though does it. It's the behaviour they exhibit (hitting, pulling, bullying?) consequences of their actions (hurt, upset children), and the neglect of their parents to monitor them appropriately.

LouKout · 22/04/2017 07:11

You cant be a bully at age 2.

WateryTart · 22/04/2017 07:14

If parents don't parent their children and other children get hurt then they are in no position to complain if someone else has to step in.

pinkblink · 22/04/2017 07:17

I may have missed the point here but where did the wooden stick come from?!

Spikeyball · 22/04/2017 07:19

I think name calling is poor at any age but particularly poor when it is used on someone who doesn't understand they are being called a name.
"No hitting" or similar said firmly is fine and if that doesn't work you find the parent or ask a member of staff to find them.

Spikeyball · 22/04/2017 07:21

That was in regards to Ethylred's comment not the op.

Original poster
newmumwithquestions · 22/04/2017 07:31

What are you suggesting?! A good thrashing? A punishment such as taking a toy etc that the child won't understand?

Where have I ever said he should have been hit?? I think there should have been a penalty for his actions, what that should be is up to his parent - we all do it differently.

However I do think there should be a penalty. In a situation where my DD was violent to another child (she didn't make them cry but IMO that was luck and she could have properly hurt them) when we were in a park I told her off, cut our visit short and then the next day when she wanted to go I explained that we wouldnt be going as she'd behaved really badly and I needed to know she would behave before going back. I appreciate that wouldn't have worked for everyone but for my DD that seemed to work and I've not seen the same behaviour again.

As far as I could see the toddlers mum in this case didn't do anything but reassure him, which is surely not going to teach him that his behaviour was wrong.

OP posts:
Jakeyboy1 · 22/04/2017 07:45

My tactic in these situations is to stay close enough to my child to keep the other one away and if the troublemaker comes near say "go away" rather menacingly and quietly with a steely stare. Normally works and avoids getting into a fight with the parents who think their precious can do no wrong by saying something more. I'm sure one day it won't work and I'll get someone come up and ask why I told their child to go away!

wheresthel1ght · 22/04/2017 12:41

@newmumwithquestions - personally I wouldn't call that a shout. Most 2 year olds at being told not to do something will cry ime. It appears that she used a marginally louder and sterner tone than normal. I don't see that she did anything wrong at all. The other parent is an absolute knob and it is idiots like her that make play centres an absolute living nightmare and why I try to avoid them like the plague. Certain parents seem to abdicate all responsibility for their little cherubs and allow them to run riot which seems to have been the case here.

2 or not he should have been better supervised and he needed to be told off. He should certainly have been punished either by time out or complete removal from the play centre.

LouKout · 22/04/2017 12:47

You'd speak "menacingly" to a 2 year old jakeyboy?

TheRealPooTroll · 22/04/2017 17:30

The other mum was obviously lax but I can't understand why you or your family member hadn't removed your children away from the child who had hit 4 other children before yours? So I don't think your parenting was anything to crow about either tbh.
And maybe the other mother might have told her child off for the hitting had she not been having to console them after a strange adult shouted at them. I realise she should have been supervising in the first place but once it had got to that point dd you really expect her to continue to tell off an already crying 2yo?

Strongmummy · 22/04/2017 18:25

You don't shout at children. Your family member is an arsehole

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 22/04/2017 19:20

I think I would have spoken to management at the play centre.

Strongmummy · 22/04/2017 20:19

OP, it's rather pathetic that you are angry at a 2 year old child. Get a grip and grow up. Be upset and disappointed with their parent, yes, but not the child. WHO IS A BABY!!!

TheRealPooTroll · 22/04/2017 20:41

I doubt the family member would have been brave enough to shout at the mother (who was actually a fault) so they took their frustration out on a toddler instead. Nothing to brag about imo. I think the op was hoping for 100% pats on the back.
I'm surprised that the relative wasn't asked to leave. Toddlers hitting is not nice but to be expected in a playcentre. Adults scaring other peoples toddlers not so much.