To think this toddler needed a severe telling off?

[newmumwithquestions]

At a busy play centre:
There's a toddler - I'd guess around 2. He's being pretty lairy, this is what we observed:
He tries to drag another toddler out of a ride on car.
He pushes over a younger toddler.
He hits an older toddler in the face - amazingly they don't retaliate.
He takes a wooden stick and uses it to hit another slightly younger toddler on the head.
I have one of mine on my knee, my family member is child free and goes over 3 times and tells him to stop, removes the stick etc. She doesn't shout.

We ask a couple of other mums but can't work out who his parent is. Then he goes over to one of mine, younger than him, hits her in the face. She falls over, falls backwards and hits her head. Lots of screaming. My family member picks her up and shouts at toddler ('don't you hit her again'). Toddler starts crying.

Parent is still unaware. I ask again who the parent of small toddler is and eventually find parent. I tell parent what has happened. Parent apologises for him hitting her but does not make him say sorry, does not tell him off, does not ask if my DD is OK, does not ask what other children have been hit.

Parent is angry their child has been shouted at.

I think they should have been watching their toddler who frankly deserved a lot more than a few shouted words?

AIBU?

The parents deserve a severe telling for ignoring the child yes! The 2 yr old no he needed supervision and parenting not a stranger shouting at him

It wasn't me who shouted, I'm not a fan of it, but under the circumstances I don't feel the parent had any right to be angry about it.

By severe telling off I mean telling off with punishment - removing them from the play area, making them apologise, taking them home, confiscating toy, whatever the parent uses as a punishment, not just consoling them because they were initially upset at being shouted at.

A severe telling off would not have achieved much. At 2 they have the attention span of a newt. What he needed was supervision,which the parent failed to do. Next time complain to staff and let them deal with it.

It wasn't up to the OP to discipline, that's his parents' job, the OP's responsibility lay with her far younger child. Getting him away from her daughter was her priority. She didn't hurt him, she didn't emotionally scar him. She shocked him because he is not used to being told no. If she had said 'don't push her over, you'll hurt her' he would simply have ignored her and his parents would still not have intervened. Shouting at least got he mother to pay attention.

If she had said 'don't push her over, you'll hurt her' he would simply have ignored her and his parents would still not have intervened.

Are you psychic? How can you possibly know that?

If she had said 'don't push her over, you'll hurt her' he would simply have ignored her and his parents would still not have intervened.

Are you psychic? How can you possibly know that?

This was the 4th time my family member intervened. The first 3 times she didn't shout.

The child needing supervising, telling not to do it and removing if necessary. Punishment (other than removing) is likely to be ineffective at that age.

Yes, he needed a severe telling off. The appalling laxity of parents these days is one of the reasons that children behave so appallingly at school later - there is thread after thread on here about older children bullying hitting and biting at school with little or no action being taken. I'd go as far as to say avoiding this ridiculous nonsense was one reason I send my children to prep school and had them tutored for grammar school later on.

In future report that kind of behaviour to the soft play supervisors. I would also demand that the parents parent him or he is asked to leave.

Perhaps at the point where you couldn't locate the parent your Family member could have found a member of staff to remove the child from the situation on the basis they were unsupervised and causing chaos!

ffs we all know he need supervising, but he wasn't and he had been told not to hit other children more than once. If shouting at him gave him the shock he needed to pack it in then so be it. His lazy parent can't complain as they were oblivious to his behaviour. What if he picked on someone bigger than him who then hurt him? Was the ops family member supposed to just let him get away with it.

Well is not the toddler fault is it? They weren't even being supervised

After the 2nd or 3rd time you should have asked him where his mummy or daddy was and spoken to them! This parent has obviously (wrongly) not been paying attention but 2 wrongs don't make a right

I used to work in a soft play area and there were so many times I wanted to scream at a child but had to use my 'stern teacher voice' because the parents ALWAYS get angry if they feel someone else is disciplining their child. I think it's embarrassment tbh.

Some of them used to get angry if I asked their child 'what's the magic word' when they were clearly old enough to be saying please/thank you when buying sweets from the little shop.

You can always report behaviour to a member of staff who won't be able to physically remove the child but may have a better idea of who the parent is.

Exconstance my older child bites and hits if not properly supported and supervised. Someone giving him a severe telling off when he was 2 would have been pointless. He wouldn't have had a clue what they were talking about. It would have been just noise to him.

what the boy needs is a clear 'we don't hit, it's not nice' but not shouting at, there is no point shouting at a toddler. The parents however deserve a severe telling off, poor kid is only 2 and needs an adult to step in and remind him how he should be behaving before he gets to the point where a random stranger yells at him.

2 yo's need supervision, they never need a severe telling off.

This sounds like a toddler at a baby group I used to go to. The mum "believe in the word no".
Arse.

Are all 2 year olds capable of saying sorry when told? DS is nearly two; he can say cow, car, hat, even helicopter (okay, "copta"), a whole raft of things, but if I said "say sorry" I would be completely wasting my time.

Of course the parent should have been watching the toddler, that's the main issue.

I would however be fuming is someone shouted at my child though, they find being shouted at frightening and intimidating(which frankly is not surprising, an adult shouting at an adult is bad enough) if someone did that my first thought would be to comfort them. She apologised to you what else do you want?

All of you saying that the child should not have been shouted at, must be bloody saints. Put your saintly selves in the adults position and sometimes it can be an immediate reaction. The poor child got hit in the face and banged her head?!?!? Of course it's the parents fault of the toddler but I would have reacted the same, possibly feeling bad after but the gut reaction is to protect!

If I gave my just turned 2 year old a severe telling off she would throw herself on the floor then stand back up and hit me. She doesn't get it.

Shouting at a two year old does nothing. Ideally better supervision is needed to avoid these situations but shouting is going to achieve absolutely nothing.

All of you saying that the child should not have been shouted at, must be bloody saints.

No, I'm a teacher. Yelling at children makes you feel better but is pretty ineffective as a discipline method.

You say you would have felt guilty after shouting so you seem to recognise it isn't the right way to deal with the situation.