(Trigger Warning!!!) To think labour pain is not respected by healthcare professionals?

[Goldfishshoals]

Warning: you probably don't want to read this if pregnant/about to give birth!

Three weeks ago I gave birth. I had back labour - truly agonising. The pains started on Friday, but because they were about five-six minutes apart they were arbitrarily considered 'pre-labour' rather than actual labour (despite hurting as much as 'real' labour pains). They continued like that for four days, in which time I obviously got no sleep. I called the midwife for help several times and was fobbed off with 'take paracetamol', which unsurprisingly did bugger all for the intense stabbing sensation in my back every contraction. After one call in which I cried they let me come in (30 mins car ride there and back in pain!) and have a single dose of coedine (barely took the edge off) before sending me home.

On Tuesday my waters broke so I was finally allowed in the hospital for monitoring - I pretty much immediately begged for pain relief. 'of course you can have some!' said the midwife breezily before buggering off for fifteen minutes leaving me in pain. Then she came back and said she just had to ask a few questions then 'we'd see' about getting me some pain relief... I did eventually get given some gas and air.

My contractions never became more frequent on their own and eventually I ended up being induced with epidural - which wore off just in time for me to be fully dialated. First they said they'd get me more - then they said it was too late and gave me gas and air - which they took off me again when it was time for pushing. I begged for pain relief (for anything!) and was ignored. I struggled to push but the pain was overwhelming and stopped me being able to push fully. Baby eventually delivered with forceps, and episiotomy which I could barely feel in contrast to the agony I had been in.

I had third degree tear which needed stitching, and suddenly everything changed. I had an anaesthesitist numb me fully, and keep checking my pain levels for the theatre, I had a few days in hospital with three types of pain relief thrown at me, and I was sent home with boxes of unnecessary coedine etc, for the incredibly minor soreness of the stitches.

When I compare other hospital visits (for being run over by a car as a teen, and a more recent dvt) it's a similar story. My pain was taken a lot more seriously and I was given better pain relief much more quickly, despite them not being nearly as painful as my back labour.

I realise not everyone has back labour, and some people have much less painful births (lucky cows) but surely having high levels of pain isn't that unique? So why wasn't it treated seriously? The only thing I can think of is that labour pain just isn't respected. Aibu to think this?

I completely agree with OP and others on this thread. My view is that it's because birth is a female issue and it's simply not taken seriously.
I had a horrible first experience of labour, which ended up with an episiotomy, forceps and a baby in NICU. The next morning the midwife came round to give me pain relief - 2 paracetamol. I laughed and asked what else I could have, answer - nothing as I was planning to breastfeed. I was in so much pain I couldn't walk properly for weeks and it was 4 months before I felt I was beginning to recover physically.
Fast forward 2 years - I had a c section and was given bags of drugs to take home. The recovery was a million times better.
Go figure.

^ I should mention I breastfed after my c section too. So the whole "you can only have paracetamol because you're breastfeeding" line was clearly a lie.

Chocolate is more effective than paracetamol!

Agree with OP and most posts here.
My contractions were full on from the very beginning and I was in excruciating pain, the worst pain I've ever experienced in my entire life. We rushed to the hospital and the midwife was absolutely awful to me. She kept saying that I needed to push more and that I just wasn't trying hard enough. Never smiled or was encouraging once. She wasn't monitoring it properly and refused to give me an epidural for the first 10 hours. She also completely ignored our birth plan, and missed some very important details that could have affected the birth. Poor DP was really shocked by her behaviour towards me. Luckily, all went well and seeing our little one made me almost forget this horrific experience. But I do think that in any other setting this would have been completely unacceptable.

for all the ladies on here who've had such awful experiences.

I think there is a lot of dismissal of the long term effect of these experiences. On the whole, when reading other stories I realise that I while my labour wasn't exactly a walk in the park, I was lucky in comparison.

But it's changed me and not in a good way. As well as still getting nightmares, I feel like I've become an angry person. I'm really trying to work on this and I'm incredibly lucky that DH is so understanding. After a bit of a blow up recently over the most stupid thing (followed by immediate feelings of guilt and apologies to him) he did say that he understands that it's not really me and that where previously he would have yelled back he now just tries to reason with me or walk away until I calm down. When he said that to me I absolutely hated myself for being like that to him. So working hard to be more self aware, take a deep breath and think things through sensibly.

DS will be an only child. That was likely going to be the case anyway, but I'm now terrified of accidentally getting pregnant. There is no way I could ever go through that again.

Do you know what else? We are pregnant for 9 fucking months. There is time to discuss all of this beforehand. Despite going to fucking twin clinic every 2 weeks for 7 fucking months.....this was hardly discussed. I was told a vaginal delivery would be safest for us all, which I believed, because why the fuck wouldn't I? When it all went so epically wrong I realised, too late, that these people did not care about me or the babies and they weren't going to look after us. Forceps were mentioned in the melee - I had NO IDEA what they were or how they worked. Because I had been focusing on this natural birth I was going to have with my fucking vagina opening like a fucking flower to allow the miracle of life into the world. Twice. Instead I was suddenly in theatre, with about a million people around me, sticking needles and catheters and suppositories and pulling me around. Nobody even told me if twin 1 was a boy or a girl. Twin 2 didn't cry for a long time and nobody said anything to us. I didn't know if she was alive or dead.

My DH, who is rather more zen than me, takes the view that we had 2 (3 now) healthy kids and that we should be grateful. I am immensely grateful that our lives were saved, and that my daughter is the precocious little madam that she is. But if they had just listened when I said I was in pain and having contractions then maybe it need never have happened

sorry, that's just a rant now!!!

Your dh can be as zen as he likes

He didnt attempt to push a baby out of his woo

that is true. Maybe that's why!

Sorry no offence to your DH Persis but I am fucking sick of hearing about male partners and other family members who minimise traumatic birth experiences and say 'oh well at least the baby(ies) is healthy' as if the women is just some piece of meat 'vessel' and it doesn't matter that she was hauled about and not listened. If one more bloke says something like that to me in real life I think I will just scream really loudly right in his FACE and then say oh did you hear that? I assumed you wouldn't because you give zero fucks about mental distress.

Why don't more women complain? A big reason is that the misogyny continues the second you get home with people putting you in your place for daring to question the experience and feel bad about it.

poor DH.

In fairness to him he is endlessly supportive to me, camped outside the postnatal ward all night when I was struggling and they wouldn't let him in, and would support me to the hilt if I wanted to complain. But he sees it that nothing can change what has happened, so what's the point?

Just remembered some advice from antenatal that makes me laugh. We were advised to get some combs for the pain. Yep, the sort of combs you use to get knots out of your hair.

Now, as you can probably imagine, my messy hair wasn't at the forefront of my mind at the time. But according to the antenatal class teacher you press the comb into the palm of your hand and it reduces the contraction pain. Mentioned this to my midwife and she was a bit

What makes me laugh, is that me and DH actually went out and bought some combs for this purpose. Luckily he's smart enough that he didn't offer me a comb at any point during labour - who knows where it might have ended up....

When I was Pregnant and had fibroid degeneration (agony ) they gave me morphine and tramadol

Yes when coping with episiotomy stitches which fucking KILL

Nothing - why would I not be encouraged to have pain relief for a major cut ? If a man cut his teaticles would he be offered pain relief ? Well we know the answer to that don't we

I don't think it's just childbirth though. I've just recently had a procedure where I had something inserted into my chest wall and into my large vein. Under local, took about an hour and half. On an operating table, with the surgeon describing exactly what he's doing...I'm just disecting the chest wall...like I'd want to know? With a drape over my face!
Do people not think?

I'd have been quite interested to know where the surgeon was up to! I like gross stuff

I had two ELCS, 17 months apart and have never experienced a contraction and am quite horrified by some of these stories and what I am lucky enough to have avoided. Both sections were both the most amazing, calm birth experiences with the loveliest doctors and nurses. The post natal ward was ridiculously understaffed and horrible but both times I discharged myself after one night so didn't have to put up with it for long. Recovery from both sections was quick and straightforward (morphine straight after the spinal block had worn off then after that I was fine with paracetamol). 11 years on I am so very grateful to have my beautiful, healthy DS and DD and such happy memories of their births. It's so wrong that women aren't getting the pain relief they ask for and are being traumatised by their children's births, especially when the experience affects their decision to have another child. Also, I think it's wrong that anyone should be denied an ELCS if that's what they decide is the best and safest method to deliver their child / children. I made an informed decision to request an ELCS after a lot of research and my consultant was supportive of that decision and didn't try to persuade me to try a natural birth. Knowing that my sections were booked in so far in advance made my pregnancies much more enjoyable as they weren't overshadowed by worrying about the births.

Expiry For quite a few years my dt's Birthday made me feel quite sad, it brought it all back, of course I had my lovely babies but the way I was treated by midwives I'll never forget.

Sorry expoxy the flowers were for you!

When I got into hospital to give birth to my son I was offered some paracetamol I thought I'm having a baby not a a fucking period"!

Just reading some of the comments in the last few pages, I'm reminded of this New Scientist article that women should be given VB risks in the same way as CS risks: www.newscientist.com/article/mg23130813-000-uk-doctors-may-starting-warning-women-of-childbirth-risks/

Having recently been given the VBAC vs. ELCS leaflets from my consultant, and checking the 'facts' for myself, forcing staff to provide risk information (and ensuring that information isn't biased) can't come too soon.

I had a back to back labour with my first. The contractions weren't as bad as the excrutiating coccyx pain that meant I just couldn't get any relief. The worst part of my labour was arriving on the labour ward, being stuck in a cupboard triage room and the midwife buggering off for 45 minutes without so much as examining me or giving me gas and air while I sobbing in pain. She then deigned to examine me and announced I was "only 4cm dilated" as if I was making a fuss about nothing. No doctors were free for over 2 hours for an epidural, by which time I was 10cm anyway and told them not to bother. I was made to feel like I couldn't possibly be in so much pain so early on and I secretly felt like a failure or a wimp. Until I had DC2, which was about 100 times less painful! I couldn't believe the difference.

Elisa yes I'm happy to watch other people.
Not the same if it's you. Remember it's under local and I sometimes felt it. The other surgeon was helpfully adding comments like oh I wouldn't do it like that, and that's not holding...

It brought back flashbacks of the traumatic CS I had.

Now I don't know if I'd want to watch other people, too much blood, so you're more nails than me in that respect. But I genuinely did want to know where they were up to in my section. Would have been glad of more of a running narrative than I got, actually. I think this is just another example of how we're all different, and we cannot assume that our own feelings will be shared by anyone else. Though obviously anaesthesia that isn't working properly is awful whatever the procedure, that one's pretty universal.

The weird thing is, I thought about my traumatic VB when I went to the dentist for a while. And I don't even have a fear of dentists. I think it might have been the corridors looked similar.