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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should have informed me her kids are unvaccinated?

420 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 20/04/2017 08:24

I went to antenatal yoga with a lovely teacher, who then visited my house with her two children once my baby was born. I also attended her baby group several times with my DS, and her children were also present.

I've just found out that she's an anti-vaxxer, and I cannot stop thinking about the fact that she exposed my tiny baby to her unvaccinated kids, without my knowledge! AIBU to think she should have informed me before bringing her kids to my house, knowing my baby was too young to have been vaccinated yet?

And what about all the babies at the group - I get that it's her personal choice to not vaccinate (though I am vehemently against it) but as she is acting in a professional capacity surely she should be informing parents that her unvaccinated children will be there? I certainly would have thought twice about taking my DS before his vaccinations.

OP posts:
UppityHumpty · 20/04/2017 16:34

@AliceKlar - Sympathies, my mum is partly deaf due to getting Measles as an adult - she got it while pregnant. Lost the baby too.

The anti-vaxxers here genuinely don't have a clue.

october17baby · 20/04/2017 16:45

I'd like to say I'm absolutely appalled by some of the "mums" on here calling this woman's children brats etc disgusting behaviour!! I am
Bloody glad I don't know anyone of you horrible horrible people, really should be ashamed of yourselves for talking like that about someone else children

AliceKlar · 20/04/2017 16:55

Uppity So sorry about your DM. That's dreadful. I have a bad memory but have never forgotten just how ill I was with measles and thought I was dying. A lot of people just don't realise how grim it can be. And rotavirus. I just can't understand how people feel they are prepared to risk their kids getting any of these things if they have a choice.

October I agree it's nothing to do with the children. They have little choice whether they're vaccinated poor things. But I do think unless there's a good reason not to, all kids should be vaccinated.

Funnyfarmer · 20/04/2017 17:00

I've never been vaccinated against tb. No medical or ethical reason. When you get older they tend to vaccinate you at school. Never went to school so never received a vaccination. Never accrued to me to mention it to anyone. Just because I'm not vaccinated doesn't mean I have it.
I have been vaccinated for whooping cough. But I've still had it. Admittedly not as bad as it could of been without vaccination. But I still could have passed it on even though I myself had been vaccinated.
If they're unvaccinated and Ill I can see your problem. But if they're unvaccinated and in good health I really don't see the problem?

Placeanditspatrons · 20/04/2017 17:07

I've posted many times under different names about this but my dd missed the rotavirus vaccine window (due to illness and then misinformation) and it continues to blight our lives. We still barely leave the house in case she contracts it. She can't go swimming or to any baby groups and we don't eat out. Therefore I do not understand why anyone would not vaccinate their child. I thought I had until 24 weeks for her to have it but when I took her at 15 weeks I was told it was too late.
I live with that guilt every day and it has destroyed me.

I wouldn't particularly want non vaccinated kids round a newborn but it wouldn't worry me when they are older as presumably your child will be fully vaccinated. Ds (7) has some friends who are not vaccinated but he is so I don't worry too much. I mean dh has never had mumps or rubella or been vaccinated against either but I don't worry about him bringing it in.

bumbleymummy · 20/04/2017 17:09

Place, the rotavirus vaccine has only been introduced in the last few years. Most children didn't have it as part of the schedule. It seems a bit extreme to not be leaving the house because your DD hasn't had it.

Placeanditspatrons · 20/04/2017 17:11

Yeah well if she'd caught it when it COULDNT be prevented that's a bit different isn't it?

bumbleymummy · 20/04/2017 17:11

Most children over the age of 4/5 won't have had it.

PurpleDaisies · 20/04/2017 17:11

place I'm sorry you're still struggling. I'd gently suggest that the effect the missed vaccination has had on your lives is due to your health anxiety and disproportionate to the actual risk to your baby. Have you had any help? Flowers

Springishere0 · 20/04/2017 17:12

kikibo that's not true. They have the same combined mmr vaccine, given at 14 months and repeated at 9 years.

Placeanditspatrons · 20/04/2017 17:13

But they've probably had rotavirus itself now bumbly All children did pre vaccine.

Yes I've got a CBT referral waiting. The wait is 12 months at least unfortunately.

bumbleymummy · 20/04/2017 17:15

My children haven't had it. I actually only know a couple of children who have.

I see you have health anxiety so I can see why this worries you so much. I hope the CBT helps. Health anxiety is horrible Thanks

Placeanditspatrons · 20/04/2017 17:16

They all had it. You might not have noticed it as anything other than a d and v bug but they all had it.

bumbleymummy · 20/04/2017 17:19

Place, in the nicest possible way, I know my own children.

Placeanditspatrons · 20/04/2017 17:21

Well that is what the GP told me. They all had it which is why they vaccinate.

donquixotedelamancha · 20/04/2017 17:21

YABU to expect reasonable, considerate, sane behaviour from someone who doesn't 'believe' in vaccination. The yoga teacher has made a conscious choice to endanger her children, along with the rest of us- specifically putting newborn babies at risk is just an extension of this.

bumbleymummy · 20/04/2017 17:34

How has she endangered you don?

AliceKlar · 20/04/2017 17:46

Place i'm so sad that missing the rotavirus jab has made life so miserable for you. If your DD hadn't been ill at the time and you'd had the correct info, she would have had it,so you personally aren't responsible for her not having it. I know that probably doesn't help you feel any better if you are suffering with anxiety, but I'll say it anyhow.

Placeanditspatrons · 20/04/2017 17:52

No it doesn't sadly and it won't help dd either Sad

Placeanditspatrons · 20/04/2017 17:52

But thank you

Placeanditspatrons · 20/04/2017 17:58

I mean there are people on this thread saying not vaccinating is child abuse and I agree. I wish I hadn't had dd to be honest. I'm not a fit parent.

usernumbernine · 20/04/2017 18:05

Place no one is saying that you have abused your DD please don't think that.

Can you access MH support sooner in any way? I am sorry you are having such a hard time.

AliceKlar · 20/04/2017 18:11

Place That is NOT true. It is how you feel but you are NOT an unfit parent. You honestly are not.You wanted DD to have the jab, she was unwell. Then you were given incorrect information. You are so not an unfit parent.

Out of all the kids we knew in and out of nursery not one other child apart from DD was hospitalised because of rotavirus. If they all had it then it wasn't possible to tell it apart from all the the other D&V infections that do the rounds. And to be fair DD was no worse with rotavirus then she was throughout the years with norovirus. It's just that we couldn't persuade her to drink anything at all that landed her in hospital and it took a while to pick up because she usually had the appetite of a small fly. I know again this won't help but again, I'm putting it out there.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 20/04/2017 18:43

I think that's a really important point @AliceKlar - for the vast majority of babies, rotavirus is no worse than an average bout of D&V. I know it's probably not much help Place but the likelihood is your DD would be absolutely fine even if she did contract it, and would come out the other side no worse for wear. I hope your CBT helps you to manage your anxiety around it, and I'm sorry it's such a long wait for you Flowers

OP posts:
Applebite · 20/04/2017 19:17

Presumably she isn't preaching her anti vax bollocks (possibly dressed up as "do your own research", aka "google and rely on here immunity") if you only just found out??

YANBU, she is making an every day risk much worse by bringing it thoughtlessly into your home. Newborns are so tiny.