To think that hosting a 16-year-old boy for 5 days is not burden-free?

[KingofnightvisionKingofinsight]

I have 2 DCs under 7. My DH has a family of close relatives who have teenagers, and they have asked if their 16-year-old DS could stay at ours for 5 days while they go away this summer. My DH said sorry, that week doesn't work, as he will be away for two of those nights and our kids will be in camp. I have some mental and physical health issues, which these relatives are well aware of not that they would ever ask how I'm doing or anything and it's just too much for me to have a teenage boy in the house for 5 days while my DH works. The parents are pushing back, saying he has grown up a lot since we saw him 6 months ago and that he will "take care of himself."

As 16-year-olds go, this one is sweet but on the immature side. He talks constantly and needs a lot of interaction. Plus my DCs get very worked up and tend to show off and misbehave when he is here, which is not his fault but still makes my life difficult. We live hundreds of miles from the relatives so the child won't know anyone here and he has zero experience making his way around a big city alone. He is sweet but clueless, messy and forgetful. At a minimum I would need to shop and prepare meals for him, which is something I just don't do when my DH isn't here. (My kids are fussy and eat very simple/small meals.) It's not the money at all, as this is a close relative and we can afford to feed him. It's just the hassle of feeding a teenage boy and the parents trying to act like it's nothing at all to have him.

There is admittedly a massive backstory here, with this particular family dropping their pre-teen and teenage kids with us for extended periods in the past without ever really asking, and this particular child is frankly annoying, so I'm wondering if this has clouded my judgment. The parents are acting like this shouldn't be a burden at all, and almost as if we should be grateful because he will play with our kids. He does play with them but he gets them worked up and the tradeoff of having him here feels like too much. AIBU to think that hosting a 16-year-old boy for 5 days requires a fair amount of effort, especially for a household with small children?

YANBU. You have health issues and two children under 7. It's a big ask and they are wrong to 'push back'. Ignore USER above. A favour would be one night not a whole week. Have they ever had your two for a week?

I know what you mean about about your DC showing off in front of him. My twins do the same with my friend's son of the same age and then the twins get too loud and over excited and he complains they are annoying him.

I understand the showing off but that would subside after a while. If he could help out and amuse the kids while you rest, great. Would he do this? I have poor health and we have a young cousin, who's been coming since she was 13 come in the holidays. She's amazing though and plays lots with dd. She may not come this year as she's doing her Baccalaureat and is off to university in September. If he's genuinely just going to be a burden and it's too much for you, stick to your guns.

If he's no bother they should take him with them. Yanbu.

Oh sorry, your kids are in camp. Just read your op again. No, tell them he can go with them or stay elsewhere. If they want you to have him, it must be at your convenience, not theirs.

I have a properly helpful 16 year old (and a not so helpful but not bad 17 year old) but I would only send her to stay with relatives if they asked to have her. Of course having a child that you don't know particularly well is a burden, that may be offset by them also being helpful, but it's a big ask and the OP and her dh are perfectly entitled to say that the timing doesn't work for them. Plus if he is annoying he is annoying. I'd only host relatives that I actually like.

I went to boarding school for A-Levels, as my parents were abroad, and spent half terms with relatives in the UK. Even though I was helpful (walking the dog, setting/ clearing the table, opening/ closing curtains - sounds funny, but it was a big house - and other bits and pieces) and tried to stay out of the way, reading and doing my homework, I could still tell I was a burden. I was really gutted when I realised I was expected to eat separately in the kitchen when they had people round for dinner, so I really was a burden rather than a guest.

A child in his/ her late teens is just there, no matter how much effort s/he makes!

As for his family, they sound selfish and entitled, and giving in to them will do you no good.

Keep saying no. I'm incensed on your behalf that the parents are trying to strongarm you into it.
It's not convenient for all the reasons listed and above all, you don't want to, which is enough in itself.
I get anxious about having people to stay, even visiting, and this would be my idea of he'll, even if he's a nice chap.
As others have said, if he's really no trouble why does he need a babysitter? Why isn't he going on the holiday? Why has he not got any friends to stay with?
Do these freeloaders people ever offer to look after your children?

These responses are so helpful! They totally confirm everything I feel. We have watched their kids countless times, for up to a week at a time. They are close relatives and I do know this child well but they live very far away so we only see them a few times a year. The parents want to go to a work conference so the dates aren't flexible, but I agree that if he's so independent why wouldn't they take him with them? They have never watched my kids overnight. I hate that they keep pushing back, it feels so rude.

I should add that the city they are going to is a fun, interesting place that the child would likely be happy to visit and explore on his own. But I think we all know he's not quite mature enough to handle doing that while his parents work.

You just have to keep saying no.

You can, if necessary, add 'we have looked after your DC on many occasions, so you know it's not about our willingness to help you when we can. It is simply that on this occasion we cannot"

Or "You have to be kidding! Our DC are away that week and we have all sorts of plans. No way are any third parties joining in with that"

At 16 my parents left me home alone when they went away, he could be married and living independently, does he need additional minding?

Then you keep saying no.

'The parents want to go to a work conference so the dates aren't flexible, but I agree that if he's so independent why wouldn't they take him with them? They have never watched my kids overnight. I hate that they keep pushing back, it feels so rude.'

It is! 'No, that doesn't work for us.' 'No, I'm not doing that.' 'No, you're being very rude now.'

They are pushing back????

They can push the fuck OFF!

Whenever you ask someone to do even a minor favour and they say no, for whatever reason - even a tenuous one - the response is onlu ever "ok, no problem? thanks very much for letting me know"

How about if they planned their childcare THEN made their arrangements

Yanbu

They need to ftfo. Ideally permanently

'No, sorry' and that's it now. You have given an explanation and they are rudely not listening. Don't reply to any further messages regarding the subject and don't be drawn into conversation about it if they ring.
At 16 I was completely independent, working part time, travelling to London alone frequently on the train, capable of making my own meals and cleaning/washing clothes etc. I understand not all 16 year olds are the same, but surely he can look after himself in a hotel room or taking a walk around the local area to the cinema, park, shops, leisure centre etc? I'm thinking the parents are just after a cheap week away! No feeding or providing entertainment money for a teen for a week. Cheeky fuckers.

Why are they so anxious not to take him away with them??

Just keep saying NO.

YANBU - I feel sorry for you and for the boy. And @Pluck what a hard situation that must have been.

I always read things on MN about people asking for ridiculous favors and I always think the OP must be somehow skewing the story or not explaining everything, because people just don't DO that. Well I am here to tell you they absolutely do! This family does it constantly, with everything. If I gave you all the details it would seem even cheekier.

I also read your children are away for 2 nights..Child free time at that age I would not replace with a relative , family or not unless it was an absolute emergency.

I do feel that they are cheeky for asking and I can see why you feel it is a burden.

Would it make difference if you asked them to chip in so that he could have access to a whole load of pre-prepared food? And if he were able to bring up a games console? And had access to the wifi- code.

It's not that I think that you should do this, his parents sound like utter shits. But, if they are close family, then so is this teenager. It won't be long until he is an adult, surely from here on in he won't require this help again and there may come a time when your children need a favour from him?

My kids will be home, just going to camp during the day. Honestly if there was a teenager playing a video game console in my house my older DS in particular would go insane. He would want to play with him constantly. Plus I know these parents are expecting more.

Your DH needs to shut this down and does not need to provide any justification for refusing their cheeky request. Their child, their problem.

No sorry we are not able to look after your son. You have your reasons so stick by them. Very rude of them.

Stick to your guns. Sounds like they have taken advantage of you before, so don't let them do it again.

Keep repeating, no sorry we cannot, then refuse to engage, that is very rude and cheeky, especially they have form for this.