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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Welsh wedding invitation.

653 replies

Spikeyplant · 18/04/2017 22:39

Just as it says in the title really.

My DH has a significantly younger relative who is getting married this summer. We have just received an invitation to the wedding, written entirely in Welsh. Neither DH or I speak Welsh and the bride and groom are well aware of this.

I am totally cool with somebody who grew up in a Welsh first language family wanting to celebrate their wedding in their language. However I can't help feeling it is a bit rude to send out invitations in a language many guests can't understand without even a short note in a mutually spoken language.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SpreadYourHappiness · 19/04/2017 13:40

That's very rude. Since there is no English translation, I'd assume the entire wedding would be in Welsh and therefore refuse to attend. I wouldn't even RSVP.

Silverthorn · 19/04/2017 13:43

My dh kindly offered to hand out some invites to our mutual friends when seeing them in the pub (to save postage and driving around). He decided they didn't need the additional information sheet because they could just ask us. The sheet that had service and meal times, address and directions to venue, gift list ideas, hotels etc.
Perhaps this happened to the translation?

ComputerUserNotTrained · 19/04/2017 14:31

You would refuse to attend a Welsh-language wedding, Spread and yet you describe the B&G as "rude"? Confused

SpreadYourHappiness · 19/04/2017 14:32

ComputerUserNotTrained Of course. Why would I attend a wedding in a language I can't understand? Confused

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/04/2017 14:35

Since there is no English translation, I'd assume the entire wedding would be in Welsh and therefore refuse to attend. I wouldn't even RSVP.

It would then be you who is the rude one.

Secondly, my lovely childhood friend married someone whose first language is different to hers. Her parents are the same. Many guests were English speakers. Their service and vows, Catholic, and speeches, long, were in FOUR languages. Give me unintelligible to me rather than Catholic Mass and speeches in four languages, any day.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 19/04/2017 14:35

Because you've been invited? Because presumably the B&G want you there?

Would you refuse to attend a wedding in France conducted in French, or is it just Welsh you have a problem with?

SpreadYourHappiness · 19/04/2017 14:38

I wouldn't attend any wedding where there was no English translation. They clearly don't care too much about me being there if they can't provide the means for me to understand the vows being said.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 19/04/2017 14:42

But why not? Are you afraid the celebrant will be putting a hex on you or something? Confused

ChaiTeaTaiChi · 19/04/2017 14:43

I wouldn't attend any wedding where there was no English translation. They clearly don't care too much about me being there if they can't provide the means for me to understand the vows being said

How very ethnocentric of you. You'd expect hindu or chinese or whatever weddings to be translated, just for you? You should probably only attend weddings in England then.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/04/2017 15:01

This is one of those threads where I feel like I live in a different world. I don't understand thinking people that invite me places are arseholes. I don't get why people wouldn't learn a bit at least of the language before visiting somewhere; even my 6 yo learns 'hello' 'thank you' and 'please'. I don't get why people don't find stuff like this fun. And I don't get why the English think that other people are rude when everyone doesn't speak English.

People, it's all part of the fun of life. My Mum and I still have very fond memories of a very long bus journey in China watching Go, Lala Go a Mandarin film. Trying to work out what the hell was going on with very limited Mandarin and very limited knowledge of the culture of high-flying Beijing executives (what the hell are they doing in Thailand now?). It's FUN. When you don't have a pole right up your arse.

TeiTetua · 19/04/2017 15:53

First question, would you want to go, even if this was a bog standard wedding with everything 100% in English?

If you'd consider going, I'd respond (in English!) and ask if there are going to be English-speaking tables at the reception. I wouldn't worry too much about a wedding in Welsh, in fact I think that would be fun. But then, spending some time at a reception where one would either be shut out of everything, or get glared at for asking people to speak English, that wouldn't be fun at all.

I suppose Welsh wedding invitations end "RSVP" because that's French. Bloody Frogs.

StuntEgg · 19/04/2017 15:53

This thread seems very intolerant, and a bit Brexit, if you know what I mean. Everything should defer to English needs, etc...

Pebble is quite right to point out that English became a majority language in Wales, Scotland and Ireland through enforced marginalisation of Welsh, Gaelic, Scots and Irish, not through natural acquisition. It's amazing that they survived at all, but they did, and now they are all on the up again.

Complaining about their use sounds like you want to slap them down all over again, because it doesn't suit you. Do you really believe that other languages should only be tolerated in your presence if the speaker doesn't know English? Or that a whole pub should stop talking Welsh when you enter, because it doesn't suit you?

I'm tempted to say that you should be delighted that the language is being used in this way, and that you should embrace the opportunity to steep yourself in another language and culture for a few hours, but it seems from previous posts that there is an ever-decreasing number of English prepared to be this open-minded. How very sad.

GreatFuckability · 19/04/2017 16:12

not just you, mrsTP, when i took my children to Sweden, we learned basic swedish in the run up to going. it was part of the fun. the kids sat and watched swedish movies in the evening and loved it despite having a very tenuous grasp of any of the words.
It was awesome. people should try it some time.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 19/04/2017 17:15

I'd find it a little bit rude - whenever I'm in multilingual company it's the unspoken rule that you speak the language that everyone speaks. The only acceptable exception to that IMO is if someone isn't fluent and then you may switch to try and explain a point.

I've also been on the end of someone switching into their native language to bitch about me - unfortunately it was close enough to a language I do speak for me to understand very clearly what they were saying. They were rather red faced when they realised (just because the stupid English girl has crap German doesn't mean she can't understand other languages...)

In the case of the invite I'd assume the best and phone up to ask whether there was a translation missing. Unless they have form for being arseholes, I'd expect it to be an oversight.

Timeforteaplease · 19/04/2017 17:32

So many Guestzillas on this thread!

Frazzled2207 · 19/04/2017 17:41

Welsh speaker here. Few Welsh speakers have entirely welsh social circles and I must admit this is a bit odd.
We had some welsh language bits to our day but the invitations were mostly bilingual.

That said we went to a french wedding which had a few English speakers and everything was in french. I suppose it's no different to that really is it!

SheilaHammond · 19/04/2017 17:49

Totally agree with Mrs TP and others.

I've been to weddings in different countries, with invitations, ceremony and speeches in those languages. Which I don't speak.

It's lovely to be asked to a celebration, and a huge pleasure usually to see how other cultures and countries do things. We get by with knowledge of other languages, some miming, and lots of smiling and saying 'cheers!'. Have a bloody marvellous time very often.

You sound a bit stand offish and insular, Op.

annielouise · 19/04/2017 18:30

Completely agree with JayneAustin - unbelievably knobby and nothing like living in France and sending invites out in French.

A lot of Welsh have a reputation of being a bit up themselves, defensive and unhospitable and it's no wonder going by some on this thread. I'm half Welsh, btw, and lived there years.

ArcheryAnnie · 19/04/2017 18:34

They clearly don't care too much about me being there if they can't provide the means for me to understand the vows being said.

This is an amazing statement, SpreadYourHappiness. The vows are about the two people getting married, not you. If you have been invited then they care about you. You clearly would not care about them, if you insist of their wedding being all about you.

And you would be missing out. Listening to a ceremony done in a language you can't understand can be a very moving, beautiful experience.

I'd never heard the term "guestzilla" before this thread but now I understand why it exists.

travellinglighter · 19/04/2017 19:38

Thanks Annielouise. Stereotype much? do black men have large Penis's and a sense of rhythm? Are Scots mean, Americans loud and the French dirty. If I examine what you said can I say that half of you is ignorant and the other half is unhospitable??

Leeds2 · 19/04/2017 19:50

What language do you/your husband use when speaking to the bride and groom OP?

WelshMoth · 19/04/2017 20:15

Ardderchog, Pebble
(From this morning).

ByseddSosij · 19/04/2017 20:17

Asu mawr,if you need help with translation PM,others have offered.

Fluent Welsh here Grin

SpreadYourHappiness · 19/04/2017 20:33

I will happily attend any wedding I've been invited to as long as I can understand what's going on.

I wouldn't be missing out; listening to something I can't understand isn't beautiful, it's frustrating.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/04/2017 20:35

Well you do know what's going on. Blah blah, do you agree, do you agree, everyone happy? Job's a good 'un. Hardly particle physics.