Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To be absolutely fuming at ex-ILs??

121 replies

DianaMitford · 17/04/2017 21:59

I really don't know why I'm surprised. They have a history of being completely disrespectful.

Anyway, ex DH and I separated four years ago so I haven't seen them for a while. In the last six months ex FIL has had two small strokes. He was unaware of where he was and why he was there when they each happened. After the first the medics weren't too concerned but after the second it became clear that this might be an ongoing issue. Unsurprisingly he has not been allowed to drive. I made it clear to ex dh that our dd(9) was not to be in a car driven by ex FIL as I suspected he was still driving. I was assured not.

Dd has just returned home and told me that her gps stopped in the road and swapped drivers once they were out of sight of family. Ex Dh to be fair didn't know about this but I am still furious. There is no reason why ex MIL can't drive, it will just be ex FIL deciding that he wants to so he's bloody well going to do it.

I can't let her go and stay there again can I? Seeing as they take absolutely no bloody notice of what her parents say??

OP posts:

dailystuck71 · 19/04/2017 20:16

Glad to hear he's putting DD first.

Original poster

DianaMitford · 19/04/2017 22:06

Yes I'm very lucky in that respect.

OP posts:

befuddledgardener · 20/04/2017 07:08

You still need to report him to the dvla and GP because other people's lives are at stake still

FurryLittleTwerp · 20/04/2017 07:29

agree gardener

welovepancakes · 20/04/2017 07:40

suggest you think very carefully how this is explained to DD, as she's likely to blame herself for telling you

Original poster

DianaMitford · 20/04/2017 08:55

I don't have his address or number plate so I'm waiting for ex h to get back to me with those before I can report him.

I was extremely careful how I explained it to dd - I simply said that he shouldn't have been driving because it placed her and other people in danger. I laboured the point that she has done NOTHING WRONG. I'd also spoken about ex FIL not being supposed to drive before she left to visit so the concept wasn't new to her.
I also explained that her father and I are cross that our decision for dd wasn't respected. I said that keeping her safe was our job and that's why we've reacted as we have.

OP posts:

Original poster

DianaMitford · 20/04/2017 08:57

Oh and she knew about the strokes/TIAs because she was there when the first one happened, unfortunately.

OP posts:

welovepancakes · 20/04/2017 09:04

Good explanation OP I like it

Original poster

DianaMitford · 20/04/2017 11:07

OMG - the pettiness! At ex H request I went through dd Facebook to delete her gps. Only to find that ex FIL has already deleted and blocked her!! Ex MIL was still on there but FIL isn't and didn't show up in a search. FYI he is a prolific fb user so I highly doubt he's deleted his account.

I mean - wtf?! Blocking his gdd?? It makes me extra certain that I've done the right thing though!

OP posts:

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 20/04/2017 11:27

He blocked a 9 year old on FB?!

That's so bloody petty and pathetic!

Although really she shouldn't have a FB account at that age, there's a good reason they're only supposed to be for kids aged 12+...

Anyway, YANBU, and I'm really glad your exH is on board and protecting your DD.

Original poster

DianaMitford · 20/04/2017 11:48

Hedgehog - I mentioned upthread that she has FB ONLY for immediate family. We live all over the UK so it's a nice way for her to keep in touch with aunts, uncles, etc. She's not even allowed her friends on there yet and I'm in total control of her account. She only has 8 people on there. Well, 6 now 😂

OP posts:

Catinthecorner · 20/04/2017 12:08

This might be a great time to talk to your DD about getting out of a vehicle if the driver is impaired/unlicensed, getting to a safe place and calling you or her dad.

It's a great lesson to feel comfortable with before the teenage years hit.

redshoeblueshoe · 20/04/2017 12:10

I can't possibly think why you're divorced
At least X suspected this, so he knows how U they are

ohfourfoxache · 20/04/2017 12:14

What a nasty cunt of a man

I'm so glad ex is on side.

Crapuccino · 20/04/2017 12:16

He's really covering himself in glory, eh. What a knob. Sorry, that's not especially helpful OP, but a grown man who can take his petulance out on a nine year old is absolutely not worth having in her life. Sadly the one who is going to feel like she's losing most in this is your DD. Best of luck helping her get through it all unscathed. Poor girl.

BrianWong · 20/04/2017 15:46

Please report to the authorities. A 3 year old was killed here by someone who was told not to drive. He didn't see the red light and drove straight into her and her mother.

So so tragic. He got 4 years in prison I think, so FIL could look at it that way if he is so selfish.

sashh · 20/04/2017 16:01

GP won't talk to the op ex without the ok from the ex's father. Patient confidentiality and all that.

There doesn't need to be any discussion, if a GP (or other HCP) who knows someone is not allowed to drive becomes aware that they are then they have an obligation to report.

A message on an answerphone can give the GP that information without any breach of confidentiality.

The insurance company would probably like to know as well.

LakieLady · 20/04/2017 16:54

It never ceases to amaze me that perfectly law-abiding people, who would never dream of drinking and driving, feel it's perfectly ok to drive against medical evidence, even when their licences have been revoked.

I've known of several olds who've insisted they can still drive perfectly well, when they plainly can't. They need reminding that driving a car is a privilege, not a right.

Atenco · 20/04/2017 17:05

I've known of several olds who've insisted they can still drive perfectly well, when they plainly can't. They need reminding that driving a car is a privilege, not a righ

I agree, unfortunately we allowed public transport to be privatised, so now it is no longer a public service and if it is not profitable to provide a decent service, it is not provided. I dread to think what it must be like on the roads in a place like Florida.

Seeingadistance · 20/04/2017 19:45

I don't think it has so much to do with a lack of public transport, as it is about a fear of growing old, and becoming increasingly less able to live independently. For many people, being able to drive is a big deal - especially at the beginning and near the end of that driving career!

For elderly people, the loss of their driving licence is pretty much a sign that they're so much closer to death. That's why they'll refuse to accept what is obvious to everyone else - that they are no longer able to drive safely.

user1492528619 · 21/04/2017 15:35

No way would she be going there. Not even if he'all freezes over. What if he has a stroke at the wheel? What if his movements and reaction time are inhibited? What if he crashed and killed her?

My Grandfather recently had his licence revoked and his and my Grandmother's attitudes were sickening. 'Who are they to tell em if I can drive or not?' 'I just won't tell anyone' 'I don't care if they can't have me' 'I'm going to drive and you can't stop me'. My partner, a police officer, reported him and had one of his friends go round and give him a talking to. Thankfully we sold the car not long after.

Selfishness and pride are dispicable traits to have, this is unforgivable OP. The relationship will never be the same, the trust is gone. From deleting her and blocking her, he knows that too. He knows he did wrong and is embarrassed to have been caught. Keep your daughter safe, you and your ex are doing a good job raising her. But make sure no more surprise sleep overs are on the cards.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.