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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New partner AIBU

43 replies

Acat123 · 17/04/2017 18:07

Cut a long story short, I'm a single mum to 3 teens, not on a great income and pretty skint
Been seeing someone for a few months now, he lives about an hour away and doesn't drive and I am spending a fortune on petrol to visit him
He has never taken me out for a nice meal, I regularly pay for take aways, lunches etc
He has suggested we move in together and split 50/50
He's on a good salary and has income from a property he owns
I will lose the tax credits and after paying everything will be left with £40 a month
I am starting to get the vibe that he is incredibly tight, but he's a really nice guy at the same time
Do I see how it goes or tell him it's over?

OP posts:
arbrighton · 17/04/2017 18:09

If it's only a few months, it's too soon anyway surely?

ANd perhaps he really doesn't realise how tight things are for you?

YOu can't just dump him without spelling it out and giving him a chance

Crunchymum · 17/04/2017 18:10

Well you certainly don't move in with his.

Take a rain check on that for the foreseeable.

My theory is any rubbish behaviour displayed early on in a relationship is only going to escalate as time goes on.

FloatyCat · 17/04/2017 18:12

No I wouldn't move in with him. You would be pretty reliant on him, and that coupled with meanness with cash is not s good idea, also it's only been a few months.

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 17/04/2017 18:13

No, you've not been together very longs and he's mean with money

PeaFaceMcgee · 17/04/2017 18:14

And what is his explanation when you've asked him to contribute to your fuel and food?

Why are you considering moving in so soon if you have doubts? You're not that desperate are you?!

Why hasn't he taken you out for a nice meal? It won't improve!

He wants a housekeeper / sex slave?

Pinkheart5915 · 17/04/2017 18:16

You've only been with him a few months So surely it's too early to think of moving in with him anyway

In early days of a relationship I would expect BOTH partners to at least pay half of takeaways, dates etc or to take it in turns to pay. This early in a relationship nobody should be paying for everything. When living together I would both parties to contribute to bills

Only you know if you want the relationship to be over or not, but I would say if it doesn't feel right after just a few months cut your loses

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/04/2017 18:17

A few months seeing him and you're thinking of moving in with him?

He doesn't drive and expects you to do all the driving, picking up etc.
Tight with money.
You'll lose your tc's.

Don't do it.

HerOtherHalf · 17/04/2017 18:18

I'm in a cynical mood today. Irrespective of whether he's aware of your financial situation, he's quite happy letting you do all the running around and paying more than your fair share. He's suggesting moving in together after just a few months as well even though you have 3 kids? I thimk he reckons he's struck lucky and landed a right mug and is bullshitting about serious commitment to keep you on the hook.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 17/04/2017 18:18

No no no

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 17/04/2017 18:18

Have you ever invited him to your place or is it just assumed you'll go to his? Have you ever said "your turn to sort dinner tonight?" As for moving in with you, fuck no! It's only been a few months as it is but add to that it sounds like you'd be worse off financially and you have 3 DC to think about.

TBH if all you ever do is go round to his and order from justeat and he's asked to move in already it all sounds very boring for a new relationship and I'd not be inclined to continue it.

NotAnotherUserName5 · 17/04/2017 18:19

Your doing all the running and paying. Why would you even consider staying with him let alone move in with him? Confused

NotAnotherUserName5 · 17/04/2017 18:19

You're I mean not your

Babyroobs · 17/04/2017 18:20

The problem is you can't really expect him to pay half the rent when there's four of you and one of him. Likewise with food ( teenagers eat a lot).
How come you are so reliant on tax credits that it would only leave you with £40 a week if you lost them? Do you work very part time? if so could you increase your hours if all your kids are teenagers so that you can afford to pay for them without the benefits ?
You would obviously still get £50 a week child benefit unless he is a high earner on over £50k a year.

PeaFaceMcgee · 17/04/2017 18:21

He doesn't want to go to yours as you can't shag freely there, can you?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 17/04/2017 18:21

Bollocks to all that. He can get a taxi to visit you. Or the bus. And he can buy some food. Stop subsidising him. Stop running after him. See if he is still interested.

I can't believe you would even consider moving in.

Babyroobs · 17/04/2017 18:21

Sorry -misread your post about having £40 a month left !

PeaFaceMcgee · 17/04/2017 18:22

Have your children even met him? Where would they live?

Babyroobs · 17/04/2017 18:22

And he sounds very tight, never coming to you and letting you pay for meals etc.
I think the relationship is too new, you need to know him a bit better.

SheldonsSpot · 17/04/2017 18:24

Crikey - a few months and you're already talking about living together.

If you're not assertive enough to be saying "hey, I'm doing all the running around here and it's costing me a fortune in petrol- your turn to buy the lunch today/a takeaway tonight" then you're probably not ready yo be dating quite honestly, let alone moving in with someone.

Mo55chop5 · 17/04/2017 18:34

Someone being tight would make me run a fucking mile

Original poster
Acat123 · 17/04/2017 18:34

You are all totally right.
I ran the joint income through tax calculator and it came up that we would not get tax credits. TBH I don't really know what he earns
He has been over to mine, and the kids do like him
Guess I want a bit of romance and to be spoiled occasionally, I'm not asking too much am I?

OP posts:
MudCity · 17/04/2017 18:35

It's too soon to be thinking of moving in with him. You hardly know him and there are already bits you do know that you don't like.

You are seeing the very best of him right now. If he isn't paying his way now, he won't ever pay his way.

Zaphodsotherhead · 17/04/2017 18:36

Are you absolutely sure he's on a good income and has money from 'properties'? Only a good friend got sucked in by a man who always had reasons for her to pay for everything despite his telling her all about his properties, his high earning job and his investments...

He had none of these things, was bankrupt and on benefits. She moved in and he took her entire life savings - all whilst spinning her elaborate yarns. She now kicks herself that she fell for it.

So, is he tight, or broke?

DixieFlatline · 17/04/2017 18:41

YOu can't just dump him without spelling it out and giving him a chance

Yes, yes she can. As can anyone. At any time. For any reason or for no reason at all.

Original poster
Acat123 · 17/04/2017 18:50

I have no evidence of him owning property. Yes it could be all made up

OP posts: