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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why is this woman so obnoxious towards DH?

119 replies

Hoolahoops · 17/04/2017 14:02

How does an adult woman in her thirties get to a point where she behaves like this?

When she arrived at our house and DH brought her bags up to her room, rather than saying thankyou, she sarcastically said, "You can't put anything down in this house can you?" When he went to top up her glass at lunch she said, "Its ok I'll let you know if I'm thirsty". When he held the door for her going into a shop she wanted to go in, she said, "Are you going to just stand there like a muppet?" The most embarrassing moment though, was on the same walk when DH had lifted the DC over a gate and helped me over. When he offered her his hand, she said, "I know you think I'm a heffer, but you don't have to make it do f-ing obvious!"

Confused

The context to all this is that she came for Easter lunch with no gifts, flowers or wine. She let her 6 year old wander with chocolate hands and face and wipe it all over the sofas. She was using the c and f words as a matter of course during the whole visit.

Finally, when DH offered to take her bags to the car, she said, "My arms won't f-ing fall off you know,"

I will not be asking her here again, but AIBU to wonder how some women can get to the point where they can't even accept basic manners from men and have to make a spectacle of themselves in the process?

OP posts:
TheReefer · 17/04/2017 16:59

Sorry but I would wipe the floor with a 'so called' friend if they tried to speak to my husband like that, in our home

I can't believe you stood by and watched

problembottom · 17/04/2017 17:12

You're not an idiot for inviting her but why didn't you stick up for your DH?

Early on when I lived with DP one of his best mates came to stay and was rude, calling me DP's ex's name deliberately (he was still very good friends with her) and making jokes about how I was just another in a long line of women!

DP apologised to me, took his mate out for a drink and made it quite clear how annoyed he was. His mate then majorly grovelled (and his wife went nuts at him).

Hoolahoops · 17/04/2017 17:13

I accept she was my guest, but tbh, if DH was truly offended I know he would have said something as he's quite direct when he wants to be. It was more that he found her attitude quite boring.

OP posts:
Hoolahoops · 17/04/2017 17:15

But yes it's s fair point that if one of his friends was ever rude to me I would expect him to say something. I will apologise again about the whole thing Blush

OP posts:
YNK · 17/04/2017 17:22

So you don't mind your friends swearing in front of your children and allowing her child to mess up your home?
Remind me what was the point of this thread?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/04/2017 17:28

Stop apologising to your Dh. You've said sorry already.

Oakmaiden · 17/04/2017 17:40

Remind me what was the point of this thread?

I think mostly OP was venting. Is that permissible?

Hoolahoops · 17/04/2017 17:45

Yes sorry I was mainly venting, but also wondering why women like that would take offence if a man is just trying to do what he thinks is the polite thing.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 17/04/2017 17:52

Are you trying to start a discussion about how feminism has led to poor men being berated for opening doors to women?

YNK · 17/04/2017 17:58

She hasn't apologised to her DH. She said he would have spoken up if he minded.
She wants to criticise this woman for being obnoxious, but doesn't mind her behaving that way in her home in front of her children.
I get it now!

Hoolahoops · 17/04/2017 18:02

No Yoda, not about poor berated men Grin but more about the mentality that would take offence at someone like DH. And even if you do take offence, why be rude?

OP posts:
YNK · 17/04/2017 18:12

It wasn't just DH that she behaved obnoxiously toward although he may have borne the brunt of it.
She behaved appallingly to all of you and disrespected your home, but none of you objected.
You just stored up resentment to unload it here instead.
I can't say I understand it but there you go......your choice!
It's all sounds a bit passive aggressive to me.

Hoolahoops · 17/04/2017 18:24

As I said YNK, at the time I was more in shock. Plus I was busy doing a whole roast, plus all clearing away and food in the evening that suited her DD as well as her. Afterwards I was more annoyed than DH. Probably because I blame myself for having agreed to her coming in the first place.

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 17/04/2017 18:36

YNK - since you don't appear to have RTFT in its entirety, a couple of quotes from the OP's posts:

"I have apologised about the whole thing" (at 14:53)
" I will apologise again " (at 17:15)

HTH

IloveBanff · 17/04/2017 18:37

Did she thank you both when she left?

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 17/04/2017 18:44

Not a hope in hell anyone in our house would be so cunty to my DP and stay, and vice versa for me. DP booted his own brother out for being out of order a few weeks ago (very unlike BIL) and upsetting the kids. DP literally stood up and said "right, time to go. NOW!"

Willow2017 · 17/04/2017 18:56

Op it's ok you were running around being the hostess and were caught on the back foot by her rudeness. You will know next time if a guest is rude to pull them up straight away. Don't apologise again your dh sounds lovely. I would be very glad if he had done those things if I was a guest at your house. She was just too far up herself to act like a human being in company.

Hoolahoops · 17/04/2017 20:54

Yes she did say thanks at least.
Willow -yes you're right. I think that's how it was. Thankyou!

OP posts:
BadLad · 18/04/2017 02:02

OP, is your name Joan?

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